This is sort of a follow-up to my post yesterday about wanting to be beautiful inside. It was so great to read everybody's mirror self-portrait posts yesterday. Each time I left a comment I felt like "Apparently that's what I think." Do you ever do that? You have no idea you feel strongly about something until you spew it out for all to see? That can be both good and bad.
Anyway, as I was reading the comments on my post (thanks for all of those) I really liked what Kristi said,
" i wish i didn't have to worry about the outside, but for me
taking time to focus on my outside helps me become better inside."
{Cute Kristi}"I think at some point self-consciousness becomes selfishness
because it keeps us from thinking about others.
It's a weakness and I'm sure it's one of Satan's ways
of keeping us from reaching beyond ourselves."
because it keeps us from thinking about others.
It's a weakness and I'm sure it's one of Satan's ways
of keeping us from reaching beyond ourselves."
I know this to be true of myself. Being hung up on how I feel about the way I look has kept me from attending gatherings, inviting people to do things, participating in meetings because I didn't want to draw attention to myself, etc. I have never done any of these things consciously, but when I look back at my momentary "shyness" I think it's all related to how I feel about the way I look.
{So NOT the boss of me!}
So enough is enough. What is all this insecurity all about anyway? Just about every single self-portrait post yesterday indicated a struggle with flaws, and I didn't see any of those flaws when looking at the pictures posted or from previous posts. We've got to stop this self-criticism and just move forward! This is a call to action (can I do that?). From now on I'm only going to speak positive words to my self (i.e., I am strong, I am thoughtful, I am kind, I am pretty) and stop thinking about the things I hate about myself and the things I wish were different. I am taking steps to change and that is huge for me, I need to acknowledge the strength in that and welcome this gradual process.
{So NOT the boss of me!}**Are you ever surprised by the
comments you make on people's blogs?
Will you refuse to speak negatively to yourself starting today?
Does working on the outside of yourself help your inside?**
comments you make on people's blogs?
Will you refuse to speak negatively to yourself starting today?
Does working on the outside of yourself help your inside?**
31 comments:
Congrats on the 4 week mark! You are so on a roll.
This is such a loaded post. I loved reading all the posts yesterday- and Kristi's comment is so powerfully true for me.
I am big on positive self talk and I think that is why I have been struggling more than I think I should these last few weeks. It's been hard to not let the negative thoughts in. I like the idea of refusing to speak negatively about myself and I think with some real effort, I can start to do it right now.
Working on my outside totally helps me inside and right now I can't do much with the outside, so I feel a little lost. I love your comment- and that you quoted yourself. I really don't like the idea of someone else keeping me from reaching beyond myself.
Jill,
This post almost brought me to tears I am so proud of you! Self talk can be one of the most constructive or detrimental parts of our progress and I am so grateful you are going to "talk nice" to yourself.
I used to abuse myself physically and mentally by talking badly to and about myself and by not taking care of my body and since I have made those changes, it's made a huge difference.
I can't tell you how proud I am of you for sticking to your goal. I agree that working on the outside can allow us to be better inside; more confident, and better able to serve those around us. Thanks for sharing!
Karli
www.our84days.blogspot.com
WOW! Congrats on your dedication to the gym and the new you! That is fantastic!
What struck me yesterday was how so many flaws were talked about. And, like you, I couldn't see that. I am so for positive thought and speaking out loud those thoughts that you want to hear back for yourself. I am known to leave index cards with these positive reminders throughout the house. For my littles - and for myself. You totally hit it on the head when you said "this is one of Satan's tools". SO true!
Yes, working on my outside does effect how I feel on the inside. As long as the two are balanced than that is ok. Otherwise, it defeats the purpose.
What an insightful and meaningful post. I'm going to take your call to action and stop speaking and thinking ill of myself. I'd never thought of it as selfishness before, but I see how it can be. You have given me a new perspective on how I think of myself.
Congratulations on 4 weeks of going to the gym! It's pretty great, isn't it?
fair warning: i am hopping on a plane and coming out there to give you a hug for:
-being so AWESOME.
-being so inspirational (4 weeks? call to action? YOU GO!!)
-being so real and introspective
-being so JILL
I too feel bad inside about my outside but I really try to work on those feelings especially with my 2 girls-- they need me to be strong and ok with me so they KNOW that they should be ok with who they are...sigh..
seriously booking a ticket...
Well said Jill. I enjoyed reading everyone's posts yesterday. I think knowing people's insides before I know their outsides is what has made blogging so enjoyable for me.
Way to go with your exercise victory. I'm so impressed. I can't believe it's already been four weeks.
Working on the outside always helps with the inside. I've heard advice several times that if you are feeling depressed get out and exercise. I don't think we realize how much our body image or lack of self esteem affects our lives until we change. Why does our self image have to be so fragile? I wish I could promise that I would not think negative thoughts about myself but somedays they flood my mind, particulary when something happens to shatter the good things I put in there. It is hard to keep a balance between humility and conceit with an image that changes daily. Like your hair (something our self image can rely way too much on), somedays are better than others.
I. LOVE. THIS. POST.
The changes you are making ARE huge, and you most definitely do need to acknowledge the strength in that. I am so proud of you and so happy for you!
I think our thoughts are on similar planes right now, I think I may have to post the other self-portrait I was going to do yesterday... I have often thought the same thing you quoted yourself as saying (I love it!) -- sometimes my weight problem feels like it's approaching sin because of the self-indulgence it represents and the self-obsession that it creates. I almost cannot imagine the liberation of not having to think about my appearance all the time. Like you said, it limits me incredibly.
I honestly don't know if I can put a half to the negative self-talk, it's such an ingrained habit. But I'm willing to give it a try! A much-needed call to action.
so much to think about here. i want to be able to answer your call to action with gusto, and yet, i'm tentative... thank's for giving me something to think on.
i love that you seem to be feeling some of the same things i've been feeling about exercise. it has quickly become one of my favorite hours of the day!
It is so true what Kristi said, taking care of ourself on the outside or inside for that matter, makes us a better person.
I think my biggest problem in life is not thinking that I'm good enough. I feel that if I had the self confidence I could do good things...and not just for myself, but for everyone around me. I am slowly getting there. Like you, I'm so ready to start seeing myself as a beautiful person inside or out and remembering my strengths instead of my weaknesses. This is what this year of DOING is all about for me. Living my life to the fullest including letting go of my insecurities and being the woman I know myself to truly be. It's definitely hard to find her when I'm more concerned about things that just don't matter.
Wow that is a big change to never say something negative about myself. I really don't think I am that bad, I hate to put myself down or here others put themselves down! But at the same time, if I am feeling crummy about something, I am the first to point out that I don't think I am doing a good job. I actually think it is more to do with my not very good tendancy to speak what ever is on my mind than to actually put myself down. If I am feeling down...I speak it. And if I am feeling great...I speak it too! But, I will take the challenge non the less and work hard at only speaking good about myself. As long as it is in a noncocky way. I also hate hearing people who sound soooo cocky!
Great post Jill!
About time someone said this! Much harder said than done no doubt but a worthwhile effort. I shouldn't be saying this because my post are always focuesed on my flaws and insecurities but you're right, at some point it does selfish and that is not OK.
Way to go on your stick-to-it-iveness in the gym. (not sure if this is a real word?) That is a great accomplishment. You are definitely victorious!
absolutely does working on the outside make a difference for me on the inside!!! I feel the same way that you do after looking at so many beautiful portraits...why were there so many self image problems? I hope that we can all work together and be more positive about ourselves starting today. :D Great job on working out. I know how good you feel!!
i am so all about speaking good and being positive. even though i am not all the time, i sure do believe in it.
and to think if my comment had not made it on yesterday's list.
did i tell your or wrote about when i was with emily G. and her mom at lunch and she said, "i will not stand to listen to you girls talk bad about yourself" it was a good wake up call and a good example of a good mother doing her job to her dauthers in their 30's!
honestly i think a lot of comments on blogs are kind of fluff, not that there is anything wrong with that, because i don't think i want to see a lot of negative comments but disagreeing does not have to be negative, but in answer to your comment question, i have wondered if people really want to hear what i think or they want me to agree with them. I feel like I have no time to read blogs anymore and I always want to comment on a blog i read so i tend to leave little blurbs like, "awesome, great idea, wow" and it makes me feel bad because i don't want to appear like i am not really thinking, but i don't want to encourage someone or pat them on the back when maybe hearing "think harder, do better, have you thought of this differently, yikes ... get help" might serve them better. I don't really feel like this is the forum for that either.... oh my what am i saying. this is a little confusing and would make a great topic of discussion -rambling - considered deleting this last part but, i am keeping it.
i love that photo of me, my nose squinching is one of my favorite facial expressions! thanks for reminding me how much i love to laugh and love my face when i do.
I, too noticed that everyone, including me, voiced that they have flaws, but I could not see a flaw in anyone. We all have them, but we must be willing to accept them and move on. I have this talk with myself every single day. I want Ryley to have a positive feeling about herself, to know how completely wonderful she is. I guess I would have to be wonderful to, to bring someone like her in this world.
Congratulations on your gym achievement. Awesome!
**Are you ever surprised by the
comments you make on people's blogs? i dont think so..
Will you refuse to speak negatively to yourself starting today? i typically dont do this..
Does working on the outside of yourself help your inside?**FOR SURE!!!!!!!! i need to get over to LA fitness and sign up already!!
i was very surprised to hear negative posts..i was under the impression the challenge was to write what others see in us..i dont think others see us and say negative things..we're too hard on ourselves..onward to better thoughts!
i definitely feel better about myself inside when i feel like i'm in charge of what i can be on the outside. when i feel like i'm taking care of myself, then it makes me feel better on the inside.
i think that the positive self-talk is so important. it's tricky and i don't know why we all play negative tapes in our heads at one point or another. i have been trying to do this since last spring and have seen a significant difference. some days it's so easy. other days (like yesterday) it is so challenging for me.
i found a quote this morning that i think fits nicely and was inspiring to me:
"God the Father is merciful and has infinite love for you despite your faults. Only the voice of Satan will cause you to feel of no value."
Anthony D. Perkins
it was a great reminder as to where some of those feelings are coming from and that if i look upward i can move past my faults.
great post jill! congrats on your month at the gym. that has to feel wonderful!
I am so glad you quoted yourself. Those words are so true. I am going to have to make a magnet out of that one. It will be a great reminder when I am feeling down on myself.
Wow what a powerful post. I too agree that if I feel good about my outside self, then I have way more potential and opportunity to feel good about my inside self. Sometimes it is hard to not degrade yourself, but I think the core of this whole matter is seeing ourselves as Christ sees us. I know it almost sounds cliche, but when we look for the good in ourselves, the love our Father in Heaven has for us is so much more manifest. I've had friends where all they see are flaws and shortcomings, but to me all I have the ability to see truly amazing people. We're supposed to be able to see the good in oursevles and I do that's possible while still recognizing the not-so-good. This positive self talk is the road we all need to be on to really coming to know ourselves. Thanks so much for your thoughts.
I am always amazed by the wonderful things people say in my comments. I don't think they realize the impact they have on me. They really help to boost my confidence.
I have been trying so hard to stop with the negative talk and have been doing a much better job at it. I know that the running and training have had a lot to do with it. Unfortunately, I now have a stress fracture and cannot run, much less walk, for awhile. I am trying to stay positive, but it really stinks.
Congrats on the gym goings!
I don't think there is anything else to say after your great post, and all the awesome comments, except, I accept! I struggle so much with comparing what I am, to those around me. I'm so much fatter, I'm not as creative, I'm not as caring, I'm not as spiritual. Well, you get the point. I have got to start just loving who I am, I have great qualities too! Thanks for making me take a stand. Today is the day!
All good points. We're our own worst critics. I like the idea of thinking positively about oneself. It requires effort, but I think we'll notice a difference in not only ourselves but our outlook on the world as well.
I definitely think that for me working on the outside makes me feel better on the inside. In fact, I have realized this to the point where I don't even mess with it anymore. I have to go to the gym, and I have to exercise. It is the first thing I think about when moving to a new place because I don't like the way I feel when I don't take care of my body. It is also a huge stress reliever for me, which also helps me feel better about myself.
Congrats on hitting your 4 week mark! I have a feeling you are at a place now and in a groove and you'll never turn back. It will be hard to exercise at times but you will miss the way it makes you feel. At least that's what happened to me!
wow!! 4 weeks, that if fantastic!! I always hear that it takes three weeks (21 days) to make or break a habbit...you are doing great!
I love the idea of refusing to speak negatively about myself. Isn't it true how woman are so great to point out the great things in each other, boost one another and yet tear themselves down. I TOTALLY believ in woking on the outside to make the inside feel good...not to try to be an something that is unreachable, but the little things we can do each day just to make ourselves feel better. I always wear makeup and I get ready every morning, even if I am going to stay home all day. This isn't because I am vain, it is simply because I feel good about myself when i am ready. It is worth the 10 or 15 minutes of makeup and hair to feel good about myself the rest of the day!
This post has made me really think. I tend not to say negative things about myself infront of the kids. I don't want them hearing that sort of thing. I don't want them to think it is o.k. to talk badly about themselves. I totaly indulge in it though with Jason. I let him know how I am really feeling about myself. I need to stop. I need to think better.
You inspired me to hit the treadmill when you posted about going to the gym. I am happy to report that in two weeks I have only missed one day. I have been doing 20-30 mins everyday m-f depending on how Ryan is and I have gotten up to 160 sit ups. Since doing this I really do feel better about myself and I do want to do better.
Jill, you have inspired me to get my rear in gear. I've been dragging my feet on the whole exercise thing since Hazel was born...thank you. That is such a triumph to have gone a whole month...they say it takes 21 times to make it a habit--you've arrived baby!
Love this post Jill. I feel like Kristi. I don't always talk nice to myself but I think it is VERY important. About 2 years ago I had this same epiphany (I wasn't documenting back then, dang it). I don't love some things about me, like I said yesterday but I work everyday to not focus on them. Life could always be worse so why think I have it that bad.
Yesterday proved to me that when I see women I 'think' have it all together because the are a size 6, have cute kids, exercise, etc, etc, really they struggle just as much and some of them even more. The challenge made my heart hurt for a couple people and the struggles they have faced.
I have loved not being so negative. Once I stopped (for the most part) the comparing life just felt better. I love that I have committed to exercising also, it makes me feel like such a better wife, mother, friend, etc. Mostly because I'm not as uptight and focused on the negative. Good for you Jill, we are all proud of you! (and sorry for the novel)
I have had a headache all day that is finally letting up so I can comment on this post. I think a challenge to not talk inwardly negatively about myself is what I need. I'm guilty of this for sure. Reading all of this about working on the outside to benefit the inside definitely makes me realize it's more o.k. than I think to spend time exercising, getting ready, spending money on clothes and hair cuts b/c truly it does boost the inner self.
good job at the gym. I've been on a long gym break, and it's affecting my insides and my outsides.
I loved this post. A few years ago I felt much of what you described. I wouldn't go out, have people over, try new things, etc. because I had no confidence and was waiting for the time I was thin and beautiful. Then I finally decided I was tired of living that way. I decided to begin living my life, that very moment, no matter how I felt about myself.
I was liberated at that very moment--free from my prison. As you make this same decision, I promise the same will happen to you.
Without a doubt working on my outside makes me a better person on the inside. I am amazed how much more confident and happy I feel since I've made exercizing a priority. I look at myself in the mirror and see someone beautiful, someone of great worth. I'm a better person on the inside and out for making good choices and changes in my life.
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