Anyway, I was sharing with her this quote from the visiting teaching message and then our conversation evolved into a discussion of whether we're more like Mary or Martha.
"Whatever our circumstance, we are blessed as women. We have made covenants with Heavenly Father to do His work--and we are doing that work! Like Mary and Martha, we have placed ourselves at the Master's feet and have 'chosen that good part' [see Luke 10:42]. We have chosen Christ, and we have chosen Relief Society...It is pleasant to think that [Mary and Martha], and other faithful women who were Christ's disciples, might have met together to learn their part in building the kingdom. They were covenant women like us. They had determined to give the Savior all their hearts. So, too, when the Relief Society was organized, it grew out of our divine calling and our desire to serve, to love, and to care for each other."
--Kathleen H. Hughes
--Kathleen H. Hughes
Several years ago at book club we had a rather heated discussion about whether we are more like Mary or Martha, and I'm not sure where I fall but I think it's somewhere in-between the middle of them. I was saying to Penny (the woman I visited this morning) that I fear that I sometimes miss opportunities with my children because I'm more concerned with cleaning the house or checking the things off my to-do list. She nodded her head and sighed and then went into a lengthy explanation of some of her regrets as a mother. Only 1 of her 5 children are now active in the church and the others have all lost their way. She said she looks back now and can see how she was distracted by other things and didn't put forth the effort she needed to at a crucial moment with her children.
This was eye opening for me, and is one of the reasons why I love visiting teaching. I love hearing the insights and experiences of women who have been through life already and who now have the wisdom and perspective to share with others. She is not someone who I would normally overlap with in life because of our drastic age difference, but she is someone who I can totally enjoy talking to because I am her visiting teacher. I told her about how I panicked 2 weeks ago when Landon went up to bear his testimony and how it made me recommit to having Family Home Evening. She said her oldest son was like Landon when he was little, but that now he has nothing to do with the church!
{One of my distractions!}
By the way, I gave Penny a Christmas cd as a gift for this month thanks to Kristi's wonderful idea!
This was eye opening for me, and is one of the reasons why I love visiting teaching. I love hearing the insights and experiences of women who have been through life already and who now have the wisdom and perspective to share with others. She is not someone who I would normally overlap with in life because of our drastic age difference, but she is someone who I can totally enjoy talking to because I am her visiting teacher. I told her about how I panicked 2 weeks ago when Landon went up to bear his testimony and how it made me recommit to having Family Home Evening. She said her oldest son was like Landon when he was little, but that now he has nothing to do with the church!
{One of my distractions!}The world needs Marys and Marthas, but when you take everything else away it is more important to be present in the moment in to be in tune with the Spirit so that we can teach our children and be sensitive to the needs of others. So pretty much I'm grateful that I went visiting teaching this morning and left there feeling like I was the one being taught rather than the one doing the teaching.
By the way, I gave Penny a Christmas cd as a gift for this month thanks to Kristi's wonderful idea!
**Who are you more like Mary or Martha?
What are your distractions?
What are you giving the women you visit teach?**
What are your distractions?
What are you giving the women you visit teach?**
24 comments:
Blogging is one for sure. That's the hard part. All the things I do are good things for me. Blogging, housework, free time. I just have to be better about not putting those things first before the kids. I was going to make popcorn balls for everyone this year. I have a great recipe. But I saw those pretzel treats on Angie's blog and they seem to cute and easy to pass up. I don't want to draw the ants out with all that popcorn goo.
I think I need to be more like both Martha and Mary. Soemtimes I feel like I let myself drift to far away from the Christ like things that matter and I need to re-direct myself back.
I am definitely a Mary, but I am trying to have a little more Martha in me. I love the scripture in Mosiah 4:27-- see that all these things are done in wisdom and order. That says a lot about finding our priorities and realizing what is really important.
I care too much about having everything perfect. I realize that I often care more about how my poster looks for sharing time than what the kids will get out of it. I need to remember that magnifying my calling is not always the amount of time I put into it, but how much I am able to teach the children I serve.
I have no idea what I am going to do for my visiting teachees. Perhaps I will dip chocolates or something.
Oh, I went Visit Teaching this morning also!!! And I think sometimes I am like Mary and sometimes I am like Martha. It just depends.
I love that picture of you with your kids! That is fantastic!! It captures the joy you all have when you are with each other, perfectly!!
Oh, and speaking of Christmas cd's...on my little trip to Target this morning I picked up a new Christmas cd since I have been stuck listening to just the radios Christmas Music since all of *my* Christmas music is packed/buried somewhere in the garage or basement!! Can you believe that there is only ONE station here in Denver that plays only Christmas music? There are other ones that play it, but it is only about 1 Christmas song per hour or something!
And with all the driving, I was sick of the same "old" songs from the same old (yet great at the same time) radio station!! So, yeah - that was great for you and Kristi to think of that thoughtful gift!
And oh my! Look at your crazy desk!! I can see why your distracted!! It has so much FUN stuff on it, I would be distracted too!! :)
I hope this means you are feeling better! If you have to be sick, it's nice if it goes away quickly!
Thanks for another thought provoking post. I know that I do get distracted by my to-do list too often, and tell my girls, "We'll do that when I'm done." But, I'm never done! I'm always grateful for reminders that come that re-center me in what's really important. My kids get out of school on Friday for Christmas break, and I'm really hoping to be able to make them feel like we did all the things they wanted to do -- baking, crafting, etc., and that they weren't just victims of my to-do list.
Price Cream Parlor and I did a brunch last week for the ladies we visit teach, and it was a lot of fun. But, we got a new sister added to our route (2 days after the brunch, of course), and so we need to do something for her. I love the CD idea!
About 4 years ago I read the book Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World or something like that and really enjoyed it then. I don't remember much about it since it was so long ago, but I do remember it helped me with my perspective and to make the choices I was struggling with.
I don't know what I am. I am very private in my beliefs but feel like I am open to learning. I know I am not the over-distracted by house-work type either, so maybe I have work in both areas.
My distractions are reading, scrapping, blogging, and wanting to just play with Mya instead of doing the Martha type things. I sometimes hate that I have the attitude to just let the dishes sit cause they will be there in an hour and Mya may not want to color in an hour etc. I fear that I am not teaching her about the important more 'domestic' responsibilities in life because I don't stress that I have to have a sparkling house.
Your posts have been hitting home with me lately!! I am still thinking about your post the other day (about liking who we are) and now you get me going again!!??
This is something I struggle with everyday...finding the balance, having a clean house, but also allwoing the kids to be kids...being productive, but also spending "quality" time with my girls. I am with them all day, but often go to bed at night wondering if even 5 minutes of that time was "quality". Thank you for sharing and for reminding me to "put my things in order"!
I too gave away the cd I send around for Good Mail. I hope the 85 yr old can work a cd player. She is hard because she can't read much anymore and she is diabetic. We always wonder what to take her because she loves to be thought of too (who doesn't?).
As for being Mary or Martha, I would tend to say Martha though it isn't just with house issues. I can become so easily distracted with even the smallest, easiest tasks (the ADD creepin in again) that I lose focus of the goal. I work on it and get better but then I slip so easily. Sometimes I mirror a dog chasing it's tail. ugh!
My distractions change but currently they are blogging (duh), crafting, reading, baking or whatever I find to take me off of the important. Redirecting myself is always on the agenda, whether it is to be Mary or Martha!
I like you would like to say I am somewhere in between.
Just recently I have let go of something I would have really liked to pursue, but knew my time should be focused on my family right now. I have not looked back and know there will come a time in my life when I will once again be able to focus more intensely on my dreams. Right now my dream is to be a good mother to my girls and be actively involved in their life.
I think blogging can be a huge distraction which is why I try to only do what I can and not put pressures on myself. I read what I can and only let myself blog so many minutes of the day. Some days I'm worse than others, particularly if I'm trying to catch up. It has been such a helpful community and so good for me that I could never let it go, but I can see where it can become a problem. I think this is why I stay up later or more recently wake up earlier because then I can be creative while I'm alone and not have to worry about the attention I'm not giving to my family.
All of the blogs I have visited today seem to have "deep thoughts".
One of the reasons the kids are home is so that they get my "good hours" doing things for/with them. I need to work on making it more quality though and using more time for the teaching moments.
I am not sure what I will do for the VT ladies. One of their mother's passed away on Saturday so we will be postponing her visit until next week. I need to think of something thoughtful to do for her though.
Jill,
Question for you - what program do you use to do the CD covers?
I was also recently talking to a friend in the ward whose kids are grown and have gone inactive. She is always encouraging me to let the little stuff go and to just enjoy the kids. She encourages me not to worry so much about housework or being perfect. I don't know what caused her kids to struggle, but I did see what caused the youth to struggle when I was a YW leader. The ones whose parents did not faithfully attend church and meetings every week, the ones whose parents let them put homework over the youth activities, and the ones who fudged and let their kids fudge on gospel standards like modest dressing and Sabbath activities - every time these are the youth who have gone inactive.
For me, I have decided that I need to stop letting my kids see me on the computer. How can I expect my boys to not become Internet or computer addicts if I myself am always on the computer. So I am going to restrict myself more. Hard but I don't think it's an option.
Thanks for a great post.
Before I offend anyone, I better add a third comment and mention that in no way do I think that parents' actions are always the reason for children who struggle to stay close to their gospel upbringing! ! !
this is really something to think about. i can see that i find a lot of distractions in life that take away from those "moments." you just never know when they are going to pop up. i need to recommit being a mom first and foremost and be willing to set things aside when they are there and i can be with them. i am for sure guilty of blogging when i can be with them. good post jill...lots to think about.
What a wonderful post!
I love visiting with some of the older sisters. I always learn so much from them. I always want to know the things that they would do differently.
I think I am in the middle on this too. Sometimes lately though I've felt more Martha-ish, and I know I need to work on that. I've been trying to do the fun things my kids want to do like decorate the ginger bread house, which we finally finished after starting it almost a week ago! :) I haven't blogged in over a week, simply because I just haven't had time to really sit down and do it. I've spent a few minutes here and there reading and commenting on other blogs though.
We are giving out scented candles to 2 of our sisters, and some of Jenny's pepperment hot chocolate to another (since we had just given her scented candles for her b-day).
I love insights like that. We must have been on the same wave length because yesterday I was trying so hard to be like Mary. Sadly, I have very few days like that and tend to spend time cooking, cleaning doing laundry etc. so I guess more Marthaish. I really try and stop when the kids ask me to play though.
I always hear my MIL voice tell me how I wish she could go back and wished she spent less time cleaning toilets and more quality time with her kids (she had six) She says that was her biggest regret since children grow up so fast.
I gave away chocolate advent calendars with paper strips of paper to make a christmas countdown with.
Thanks for the post :)
Jill-
I got your good mail today and it made me smile. I would post it in on my blog, per the tradition, but it would make family members of mine uneasy as I am breaking one of their "Internet rules." Here's a conversation I had with my Dad today.
Me. Dad, you know Jill?
Dad. Who?
Me. Jill. She comments on my blog every post.
Dad. Oh, yeah, Jill.
Me. I gave her my address for Christmas card purposes (I didn't feel like explaining Good Mail at the moment, and you'll see why) and she sent me a really nice ornament and card in the mail today.
Dad. You gave your address to a stranger on the Internet?
Me. Dad, you just recognized her name.
Dad. That's breaking an Internet rule.
Me. From when I was 13, in 1997. I used good judgement- Dad, I read her blog every day and it's not like she's a homicidal maniac. She writes about her kids and religion and all kinds of non-homicidal manaic topics.
Dad. Yeah, that's great until you find out "Jill" is actually someone named "Viper" living on 14th St. with heads in their fridge. (hes kidding)
Me. Daaaaad!
Dad. That would actually make a good movie.
So, you can see the kind of uneasiness I am talking about, and my Dad is the most laid back one of the crew. My mother and my grandmother? FORGET IT. So, this kind of goes with the theme of your post- I am still living with all kind of values (and manias) instilled in me by the parental unit.
Jill, first, thank you for the wonderful little ornament. You are too much, you made my day. Second, Penny's comment about having regrets makes me almost sick to my stomach. That is one of my biggest fears--having regrets as a parent. We have them for such a short time.
On the other hand, we have to be easy on ourselves and realistic. Most of us are a better parent in a clean house and there are distractions in life. And lets face it, mommying is not always easy. It comes down to (like always) finding that balance.
How wonderful to have that moment. . . that reminder. I feel like such moments are a gift.
Jill, can you blog get any better. after you awesome last post and then today... wow.
i love reading what everyone has to say and what they think. this is really great.
I loved amy W comment. i am a bettr at what work i need to do, when my work is done, doest that make sense.
when i am organized with my time and am able to get the house clean so i can play crazy with the kids, i enjoy it more knowing i got up half an hour earlier to do the laundry.
I got up at 5:30 this morning to read email and blog a little so that I didn't have to do it while the kids are awake,
i have never been one to clean over creating and playing, but too much on one end makes me unbalanced, so I try my best to be in the middle of my two extremes.
i love hearing your story of visiting, we always seem to learn more from the one we visit then we could teach them, don't you think.
i love the cd cover you did a great job, once again that program rocks!
and jill the ornament was just too much! i loved it and the labels, the note card everything you have brought so many of us togther and thank you!
oh missy I would love to comment with all my thoughts but currently I am running crazy...but "could there be any mary's without martha's?" I am totally geared to be martha...my dad even brings it to my attention....MARTHA! especially when they are watching conference or something and I am in the kitchen cleaning or cooking....
Gosh, that CD is darling!
I really don't know where I fall, I think I need to be more like Mary AND more like Martha. Usually I don't think I'm doing any one thing particularly well. Always trying to find the balance. I know I put my kids off way too many times, saying we will do something later. At the same time, I know that I go crazy if I don't do some of the things that I want and need to do. This is the fundamental difficulty of motherhood for me.
I love visiting teaching and had a similar experience yesterday with an older woman that I visit. We all have so much to learn from each other, and we all have something to give.
We went visiting teaching on Sunday and had a great experience too, we shared that quote and the one that followed. We talked more about finding our roles in building up Zion, than Mary and Martha, it's so funny that we can get different responses and have totally different discussions about the same quote. WE talked about sisterhood too adn be united.. probably an extenstion of the Relief Society lesson that I had to teach.
I am a Martha, things have to be clean and orderly for me to beable to do anything else. I do think like MIchelle thought that I would like to be more like both of them. It's so hard as a mom and a woman to find balance especially when you're trying to find balance between important things.
WE just brought treats to the girls we visit teach but the CD is a great idea. Jessie told me you made her a Christmas Cd and her and Bella just love it.
Oh I love this post, and I have loved reading the comments. I don't have anything to add but thanks for the insights!
oh jill, i have a dear CD from england that I brought but always have a hard time finding it...is it hard to put that gorgeous label on the one CD so I always know where it is?
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