I had another blogging epiphany this week and just want say a few things. I'm struck by the comments you guys make. I know there are days when we all dash off a quick comment and move on to the next blog, but really isn't there something to be said for responding to someone's heartfelt post (even if it's gibberish about wearing a headlight?). I think yes.
While at lunch last week with Lara, Jordan and Michelle--Lara joked about not commenting on my blog anymore because I get so many comments. I've heard this comment from other people before and all I can think is "what does that have to do with you?" Meaning, YOU didn't comment, and missing what YOU have to say is not replaced by the things the other people did say.
I've actually fought with my sister Lori about her lack of comments on my blog, and would like to think I've made my peace with it (especially now that she's so busy with school and work) but I find myself needing to comment on the blogs I read so that people know they're being heard. Does anybody else feel like that? To me NOT commenting says something. I'm not trying to be overly dramatic about this, it's just something I think about and would like to discuss a bit.
I guess my feelings stem from the fact that I think there's much more to blogging than just putting fluff out there for all to see. It's an important way of connecting with people that seems to be life-changing for many of us. How many times have you read a post and thought "me too!" and felt so relieved that you went about the rest of your day feeling better than when you started it? Did any of you guys go back and read any of the comments from Michelle's post about depression the other day? That's not fluff or a waste of time or just a hobby, that's therapy and progress both for Michelle for posting her feelings, and for everyone else who read them and responded (and those who thought about them and are maybe going to get help).
I think this idea of commenting and responding to others applies to sending cards and emails too. Chanel sent me a super nice email yesterday because she read something that reminded her of me (mind you I've never met her). Her words were so nice and stuck with me throughout my day and I was so appreciative that she took the time to tell me that, but what if she hadn't?
At this point in my post I no longer know where I was originally planning on going with this topic. So to sum up...
Commenting is good.
Not commenting is not as good.
Sending nice notes is good.
Thinking nice things, but not sharing them is not so good.
**Thoughts???**
50 comments:
I have no clue why it's 2:08 am & I'm awake...wait, now I remember...you all have me ADDICTED to reading blogs. Date night & I didn't go to bed with my hubs. Very sad. I'm headed there to warmth, but first I'll say that I am inspired by you, Jill. I don't know you, but I see you reach out & give sincerely. It's beautiful.
Great post Jill, I have had these thoughts before too. I love to comment for that exact reason, so others know they are being heard. I read and I relate or I like it too, along those lines. Plus it helps there are so many great women, creative writers and funny people in this growing crowd. I love it!
I loved where you said blogging 'isn't fluff or a waste of time or just a hobby.' I feel that way about it but others see it differently (my mom and more). I'm not a different person blogging, I just don't tell everyone around me about my blog. I don't know why because I love the sense of friendship and understanding I have found here. It has helped me in so many ways this past year. I'll always be grateful.
I loved all the comments Michelle got on her post. I can't count how many times that has happened when I really relate to a post. Again, I love it! (Uh, this got long sorry. I guess I talk too much at 1:48 am!)
Jill, this is sooo true! I've had some of those same feelings, and it IS so good to know that others feel the same way I do. It is great to feel like you are not alone! I am grateful when people comment on my blog, and I try to comment on others blogs too. Plus, I really enjoy reading what comments people post. It can be therapeutic, funny (who doesn't need a good laugh), and helpful! Thanks for being the QUeen of Blogging!
I figure, if I read someone's blog, I'm GOING TO comment! (even if it's 3 words!...but never is)
If someone reads mine, I'd just like to know that they 'stopped by'.
Whether it's a good laugh, or cry, or recipe, or tip of the day, or great pix to see, or cool stories to read - I LOVE to read the blogs & say hi!!-ciao
I admit most of the time I read and never leave comments. I guess I feel what I have to say is not as important as something someone else might share.
I now have a blog and get so excited when others comment, so I guess I need to feel more confident in coming out and commenting.
I think it took guts for Michelle to say what she said, and I appreciate the honesty I find here on the blogs.
I am so grateful that I have this network of women (even if most of them don't know me). It's a nice feeling to know that I can turn on the computer and feel connected with someone.
So, thanks for opening my eyes to the world of commenting. I will try to do better.
Sorry for the lenght of the comment.
I guess I still feel kind of weird about commenting because it seems like there are groups of people that know each other and have all come together. I am this kind of random person who came across this incredible group of bloggers one day. I guess it is my own insecurity but you are right, it doesn't do me or anyone else any good if I don't comment. Are you sure you don't think it's weird when someone who doesn't have a connection to others that you know just starts commenting on your blog?
I totally agree with you. I know I get excited when I see there are comments on my posts. I think for all of us stay at home moms it makes us feel more connect to the world and that we are doing a little more with our minds. I used to feel weird when I would comment on someone's blog that did not know me, but I guess I have realized there must be someone we know in common, so why not. Thanks again for the insightful post! Have a great weekend!
i love reading your blog, and i'm probably guilty of not commenting enough. which is sad, because i feel the same way. even if what i'm posting about is just random thoughts or ramblings, its nice to get a comment to know that someone has read it and that what i'm saying is not being lost in the abstract blog world.
long story short, i think commenting is good, too. i know it always makes my day when i see a new comment on what i've posted. thanks for posting about this!
You've brought up some really good points Jill. You have that ability--to bring up points that make us pause.
You're right, it is a way of letting people know they were heard. But often forget that and am guilty of Lara's sentiments in that I read the comments and if someone said what I thought I keep right on surfing.
I have noticed how thought-out yours and Melanie's comments always are and have learned a great deal from that.
Thanks for addressing a blog-ettiquette that I needed to hear.
I've read posts before and nothing comes to mind for me to add so I have not commented. It happens less the longer I blog. The first couple of times I check out a blog, I don't always comment either unless I have something really insightful to add. The only people who comment on my blogs are other bloggers. I wish my family and friends would comment. I almost wish I had not given them the address and just focus my posts on you all.
My issue is on creating new posts before people read my old ones. I know not everyone checks my blog everyday and if I add a new post, then people don't always read my last one and I wish they would. I do go back and see if I have comments on previous posts, but rarely do people add them.
Yet another lesson learned. I really enjoy reading other blogs but am hesitant to comment on some, I don’t know why but I will do better.
Fyi- I was reading the blog from a lady that designs web skins and she was talking about having a Delurker week. I think it is a great idea. Here is what she said,
If you’re new to the concept, it is simple. If you read a blog regularly but hardly ever comment, you are considered a “Lurker.” But never fear, there are many of us. Especially with the popularity of Feed Readers like Bloglines. I read 20+ blogs daily, but rarely leave comments on any of them. And I’m a damn blogger! I should know better! But, like all of you, I know there are too many good blogs out there. We either have time to read, or to comment. If I can read 20 blogs and not comment in the same time I can read 10 with commenting? Then I’ll read the 20. If anyone understands the plight of the Lurkers, it’s me. I promise.
Therefore, you and I are going to make sure that every blog we read today, gets a comment. If you don’t have anything to say to contribute to the entry you’re commenting on, just say, “Happy De-Lurking Day from a Lurker!” Or maybe, “You’re totally hot and smart and brilliant!” That always works too.
Very true, you just never know when you might have an impact. I also think it's a little weird when people tell me they read about such-and-such on my blog, and I think "what? you were reading my blog? well, why didn't you leave a comment then?". It's nice to hear some feedback in any form, I guess, but I like the immediacy of the blogging forum.
But my favorite thing you said is: "Thinking nice things, but not sharing them is not so good." So so true, and something I am continually working on.
Kristy in Lima: Don't hesitate to comment on any of the blog you read just because you don't know the person writing. The bulk of my sidebar is blogging friends I've never met before! Also, none of us have your blog address so we haven't been able to get to know you, just FYI.
I love it when people comment on my blog. I know a ton of people who read my blog and never comment but will be like HEY I READ ABOUT BLAHBLAH...my parents just E-mail me their comments, haha, it must be a generational thing. I appreciate everyone who reads my blog as it is, but comments are always nice... I pretty much comment all the time on other people's blogs. Sometimes, in this blogging community, I will read a post about church and I won't comment because I'm not a religious person. I totally respect what people are writing, I just don't have a lot to say in that area. I'm sure Jill already picked up on that by noticing which blogs I do not comment on (perceptive Jill)
I agree with Jane - thanks for causing us to pause and think. Afterall, this is a new way to communicate and friendship. I definitely think I could be a better commenter. Just yesterday I clicked on Mindy's blog randomly for the first time I think and read her CUTEST idea for her son's birthday party. I just about died over the brilliance. Now I need to tell her so and thank her for a great idea.
To answer Kristy's question, I think we are generally flattered to receive comments from other bloggers even if they are new faces. I have never minded adding a new friend. The wider the blog circle gets the more I realize that it's fun to get to know new people and even if I can't read or comment to everyone on a given day, that's o.k.
I can totally relate to this post. One, because I was one that read other's blogs and didn't comment for a long time. I didn't feel comfortable about commenting eventhough they might have made me think that day, inspired me, or made me laugh. Then, I broke down. I decided it was a risk I was willing to take. I now try to comment on each blog that I read - as I would want others to do the same for me. I don't think these comments are "random" - I find them endearing. I love to read about others perspectives on things. I love to read that I am not alone in my thoughts. I love how this blogging world has made me stretch and write down some of my thoughts. I am not one to agree with or go with the flow kind of gal. If I think otherwise, I will let someone know. And, I would appreciate it in return. Those thougths and comments help me grow and look at things in a new light. I hope that I have the courage to really put down my feelings more in my own blog. As this is my journal/journey of sorts. I need to have more courage to do so. What I loved about this post is that it is true - each individual comment matters. Whether you have 3 people respond or 33. Each one has something different to say - to make you think. I love that!
Thank you for posting this subject, Jill! I have loved having your comments on my blog and I feel like I have a new friend because of it. I wouldn't have known that you were there otherwise, and that has given me the courage to comment back to you, and to send you some emails. I know that I have a few, and I mean few, people that come to my blog on a regular basis but they don't ever comment. I want to know those people. I want to know what draws them to what I have to say. But alas, nothing I have done will get them to comment. So I just keep commenting away. Thanks again for the post. I'm glad that to know that someone else feels the way I do!
I love commenting, but have found the last couple of weeks that I really am trying to limit my computer time. So if I respond to everything, well than I don't get to read everything, make since.
To be honest I remember a post Michele did a while ago about in way hating to blog and seeing that no one comments on your blog, and well that is how I have felt. But, than I got off my poor is me no one reads mine or responds and realized that I am doing it for myself, and if I don't comment why should they comment on mine.
Great post
Anyone who doesn't comment after that post, just doesn't get it. I agree with you, Jill. I do admit, that at first I was intimidated about posting to blogs of people I don't know personally, but I have gotten over that. There are times that I read a post and may not have anything to say - it's RARE, but it does happen.
As a new blogger, I have to say that getting comments is very encouraging. When you realize that someone else is reading your words and thoughts and that, in some small way, you have made an impression just makes you want to keep sharing. On the flip side, getting no comments at all makes you wonder what in the world you are doing it for.
Once again, thanks for reminding us all to be a little more thoughtful. You are definitely the 'make people feel good' guru!
I love this post! I have read many peoples posts but not commented becasue I felt stupid that I didn't know them, but then whe I see new people make comments on my post I love it! So I am now commenting on who ever I read. I have learned so much about everyone and new things and I love this blogging world. Very few people know that I blog and I like that. I don't know why but that is how I like it. Thanks for putting this out there!
I'll be honest. If I read your (or anyones for that matter) blog I will comment. If I don't comment I didn't get around to checking on your blog. I often get emails from friends that "read" or lurk my blog and NEVER leave comments. I never really say anything, but often wonder whats so hard about just putting that on my blog? Anyways, as usual your insight was interesting. BTW I never not commented on your blog even though you have a ton. My philosophy is the more the merrier right? Hey and I am #21 not as good as #1, but hey I voiced my opinion.
Your sum up was awesome. And I have, before, not left a comment here because you already have 23 of them, and you didn't know me at the time. I think you are right, though - your email from Chanel, a little comment of "thanks for that today" or "I feel the same way" goes a long way toward connection, which is what we are all about here, right?
Good show.
I really loved this post, Jill. And, I loved all the comments. Sometimes I gain as much from the comments on someone's blog as I do from the blog itself. I was hesitant to post on blogs that I read for a while because I didn't want to disturb someone I didn't know. I still feel shy about that sometimes, though I've become way more brave lately, and worry if I say something to somebody who doesn't know me they will think "why did SHE comment? I don't even know her." My own insecurities, I suppose -- because I love it when someone lets me know they've visited my blog. But, I've been trying to be better about that - not just with blogging and commenting, but also sending notes to people when I think - I should send her a note about that.
When it comes down to it - we all want to be understood, heard and validated. We all want to connect, or we wouldn't be blogging. And honestly, I've never seen such a supportive, kind hearted group of women. It's truly a special thing, and I think it only gets that way by acting and sharing. Thanks for the reminder of just how important it is. Here's to bravery!
Bravo!!
Couldn't agree more with this post. I glad you took the time to write down your thoughts. I also completely agree with Kelly when she said she gets just as much from the comments as she does from the post as well. Lately I've commented on every blog I read. The problem is I don't always get to everyones blog. It's a long list and I'm just slowly making my way getting to know new individuals. It has certainly changed blogging for me. I feel more connected and definitely more willing to put myself out there. This community has really helped me through some hard times. I so appreciate the comments I've received and the validating I've gotten despite my lack of writing skills.
You hit the button on the nose, girl. ALL women like to be validated, sometimes it is what we live for--fortunately or unfortunately--however you look at it. Bloggin for me is like making a record of my life WITH validation!! Thanks for saying what we are all thinking.
I would love to post comments to every blog I read, but at this point in my life it just isn't possible. I read a lot of blogs (not as many as you, though!). But I also have an almost three year old, a six month old, a trainer that I see three days a week, a pretty large house to take care of and numerous hobbies in which I indulge, not to mention a church calling a husband that I like to spend time with and, several hosue projects that I have underway. . .you get the point, right? In addition I hate dashing off dumb little comments. I like what I say to be as meaningful as what is written. And then there's the fact that everyone is so darn prolific! Most people post nearly everyday! I don't mean by my exhaustive list above that I'm busier than others. I just have a different ability to get things done than others. There are just lots of times that I feel too busy to read and comment and do my own posts. Most of the time my own blog suffers because of the obligation I feel to read and comment on everyone else's blogs. That isn't fair to myself. OK, now I'm starting to ramble. I have a lot of thoughts on this topic--but they're a little too wracked with guilt. Can you tell? Right now, for me, commenting and posting is becoming a source of guilt,which makes blogging a lot less enjoyable. So now this is my policy. I always try to comment on yours. This is a gift that I can give to you, and I know it's menaingful to you. For others I usually comment when I have something to say, when I can especially relate, or when a post is particularly heartfelt or interesting. Sometimes I have an extra hour or so on my hands, then I do a blitz round of reading and commenting. I hope it's enough, but still there's the guilt!
**Thoughts???**
well honestly from me, i for the most part see that you have atleast 20 comments..and i have SUCH limited time, so i just try to quickly answer your 3 questions..and it works for me..i cant spend 2 hours everyday commenting on every single persons blog that comes across..
i tend to stick with my usual peeps and that takes a certain amount of time for me and thats where i limited it at..
i think im one of those girls that on a daily basis likes to have a few close friends but can totally branch out and encompass others, but maybe not on a daily basis?? if that made any sense..
i think for me it all comes back to time, and i have to see HOW MUCH time im spending out here on the blogging world, why yes it may help a fellow blogger for me to post, but then who in my family gets left behind over here...
i hope this made sense and i was able to honestly convey my thoughts?!?!?
I love this post. I think it's so true. But, I also realize people don't always have time to comment or don't know exactly what to say. You do make it easy to comment because you have specific questions at the end of *every* post.
I do think a discussion format makes it easier to connect. But then, maybe some people blog more for journaling and not discussing? Maybe some (like me do it for both)? Maybe some just do it for discussion?
I like receiving comments, and I know quite a few people who read my blog and never comment or comment rarely. I just try to take it all in stride and figure it is their choice and I try not to be offended.
By the way, I have a friend who blogs who has some kind of "counter" that doesn't show up on the blog itself but you check it privately. It will tell you exactly who has visited your blog (by their ISP) and for how long. I don't use that. I figure I don't have time to waste like that on my curiosity but if you want me to, I will email my friend and get the link for you.
I think the biggest issue is time. It takes TIME to comment. I am also part of an LDS message board and so I find between that and reading blogs I spend way too much time on the computer. I would leave more comments if I had more time.
Jill-I have read so many of your comments on fellow blogger's blogs and always find your comments insightful and usually funny!(I love your sense of humor) Today is the first time that I have looked at your blog and I find it funny that of all days, today you wrote on commenting.
I too hate when people don't leave comments. For some reason it makes me feel bad. Plus I agree that it is weird when people tell me that they have been reading my blog and I had no idea because they didn't comment.
It is a little different for me now because my new blog is password protected so only people I give the password to can view it. There are a lot of people I have met through blogger that I would love to have access to my blog, I am just not sure how to give it to them without publicly giving out my info.
Good point Jill! Sometimes the thought of commenting is as intimidating as the thought of blogging.
I really enjoyed reading your post and all the comments. I will definitely start to comment more often. Oh yeah, and for some reason my blog won't show up under the "blog address" part of my profile. It's on the sidebar though under "my websites" or it is www.paulandkristy.blogspot.com.
well i am for sure not the first to comment on this one. how did the day go by so fast...
you and i have had this conversation and i totally agree and love that you took the time to write this.
i think commenting is such a great way for people to keep in touch.
i love that jane said blog-ettiquete.. so true that there is such a thing. who wants to write the book on blog manners!
so now that people are charging for blog banners how much will you charge for writing a post for me. the title is "Pink does not mean Perfect"
I love comments but don't feel bad when people don't leave them. I have really enjoyed blogging but mostly love it for the chance to write and think deeper than what I'm going to make for dinner. I have loved starting writing a personal history with memory posts and totally understand that sometimes it't not really commentable. But I do know that comments make the heart grow fonder and try to leave them on the blogs that I read.
I don't mind lurkers though. Freely lurk away!
Well good to know. I never knew what was internet etiquette and felt a little goofy striking up a conversation in what seemed like a really tight knit community.
Comment I will!
p.s. As I was driving around today. I thought about something else. The reason you do have so many comments is because you are great about commenting and reading others blogs. So high numbers really shouldn't be too intimidating.
Also, to clarify on my comment about commenting. I don't really care if people read my blog and not comment, because like Lucy it may not apply to them. But to read my blog on a regular basis and NEVER comment is a different thing. I am open to new comers. Hey that's how I met you right? I guess I live in a warped world and assume if you don't comment you don't read. I do try and comment on the blogs that read mine. Since I feel we may have connected a time or two. I hope that made sense. And sorry about the tanget. :)Once again great post.
I am humbly called to the carpet by my friend Jill. I am guilty of quickly scanning my fellow bloggers posts but not commenting. No excuse really except laziness on my part.
Lazy in that, I don't want to try and tax my pea brain with a somewhat intelligent comment so I just click to the next blog.
I will make an effort to do a better job of writing a line or two of what I am thinking or feeling to the person whose blog I just read. :)
I read your blog. I'm posting. I do not understand how you keep up with reading and commenting on all these ladies blogs AND 35 comments on your own blog each day...
again, feeling overwhelmed. am I missing out by not reading them all? guilt. oh well. resolve- I do what I can and that has to be good enough...
but I can certainly try to comment more. just know they will not be quotable!!
jill, i ditto your thoughts and have often wondered when people tell me about something they read on my blog why they didn't leave a comment. i talked to my husband about it and he didn't get why i would care about comments. but i think the comments are where we really get to know each other. like kelly and amy said, i often get much out of the comments as well as the posts.
i feel like i have made many new friends through blogging and a lot that comes from the comments because it's a chance to interact.
my only wish is that i had about 3 extra hours a day to read and comment on every blog that i want. maybe amy's idea is a good one to visit a certain amount each day and read and make comments. sometimes i only have a few minutes and want to check in on what people are saying and wish i had more time. so if you have any tips on how to handle that one i would love it! you seem to really be able to get to so many people. and i love your comments by the way!
i think that the friendships are developed through commenting and i always love getting comments even when i don't know the person. it only means i get to know someone else! and everyone seems to have such great thoughts and ideas. i feel inspired and stretched by the women that i've gotten to know through this blogging community.
i'm rambling on and on...i have lots of scattered thoughts on this. but i agree, thinking nice things but not sharing them is not so good.
thank you for posting this post!
Oh man, guilty. I read your blog daily and don't comment daily. Sometimes I feel like anything I would have said has already been commented on, but I think I should leave a "I was here" mark...just so you know. I stalk others as well, but I REALLY love when people leave comments on mine so I need to rethink my blogging style.
I have actually come back to this post because you elude to it in a future post.
I agree with you, I comment on every blog that I read, unless they don't allow nonbloggers, that number is growing.
I find that I say a lot in my blogging comments, I share a lot of myself and I appreciate that I have some place to post my comments and views, so thank you. Thanks Jill.
I just read some of the comments and I have more to say...I also have felt funny commenting on some of the blogs where a large group of people seem to know (NOLA) each other but then I think to myself, if I knew these women in person would I join their conversation, of course, so then why wouldn't I comment on their blog? So I do.
I have to say that ever since I read this post I have been feeling really guilty about not posting comments! I really want to but I feel like my life has been uncharacteristically busy. That really shouldn't be an excuse though. I absolutely love when people comment on my blog so I really should do the same and share the love. you're so great Jill, I'm so glad to have this opportunity to get to know you in this very untraditional way.
You are simply adorable. I have never met you but I feel like we are best friends - I just love reading your blog - I stumbled apon your blog from Kristi's blog - she doesn't know me either but I am sure we would be best friends too!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts so honestly - I truly appreciate your insight and look forward to your Sunday entries.
This is the first time I've ever read your blog. But I love what you said about commenting. Like some before me have said, I feel like I'm trying to butt into a crowd that I wasn't invited too so I don't comment. Other times I have commented and the comment was never posted. I think that can also be rude. And I've never gone back to those blogs. In short, I will try to do better about commenting myself. Do you mind if I link to this post?
agree, agree. i think its interesting that my blog stats say that I have had almost 2000 hits in the little time that i have had my blog but i have very few people that ever comment. makes you wonder :) like your blog by the way.
Jill: I did lecture the lurker I met at my recent favorite things lunch. She then said, "What am I supposed to say? Hi I'm so and so from Calgary and I think you're amazing?" I told her yes, if that is what she thinks when she reads Kristi's blog, then that is exactly what she should say in a comment!
I was having a converstion with a friend today about this and she mentioned your blog. So here I am checking it out. You are like a pro blogger that a newbe like me can learn from. HeHeHeHe. I personally like to comment and usually always do. I love comments on mine they mean alot. I really do not like lurkers especially if they don't even blog. I think it's rude! I understand sometimes we just dont have time. I think we have to live and let live when all is said and done I blog for a journal, get great inspiration and to make new friendships. I wish I was a better writer I'd post about this. I'll have to think about it.
I got here from Wendi's blog (inawesomewonder.blogspot ) I tend to leave comments and I usually think I'm a dork, but oh well :-) I want to let the person know I was there and I appreciated what I read. I'm glad when people leave a comment on my blog. I've "met" alot of good people and it is fun to read and see what's new with them.
I'm commenting even though I know no one will ever read this comment. I am a newbie when it comes to blogging and I live for the comments on my blog. You are soooooo right.
thanks for sharing your thoughts we with!
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