Apparently I'm fat.
Not "I could really stand to lose a few pounds fat"
but "Good heavens, should you be eating at all? fat."
Somehow over the years I've shnockered myself into believing that though I feel frighteningly large and am very disappointed in myself, I'm still a manageable size. Like a normal person, just thicker.
Alas, seeing photos from the blog party has rocked my world (and made me pity my friends, and question their judgment in letting me wear such a bright color) and shown me my full-body for a change because no one was using the crafty camera angles I usually use.
I've always disliked my profile (even back when I was thin) but it has gotten seriously out of control. Part of this is due to a raw deal from my family genes, and part of it has to do with my love of chips and dip, ice cream, chocolate, cheese and hamburgers. %$#@
I tend to hold my camera up high when I take self-portraits so as to minimize the chin/neck exposure. But there were so many cameras going at the blog party that there was nothing to be done about it. (I should have had everyone sign disclaimers promising to delete all such photos of me--pesky hindsight.)
Needless to say I was gymalicious this morning and will be walking tomorrow morning for sure. I've been reading the book, Younger Next Year and need to implement this doctor's advice. He advocates an hour of exercise 6 days a week. His premise is that everything we do sends signals to our body, so if we're moving we're signaling our bodies to produce energy and new growth (cells, muscles and such) and if we're not moving we're signaling our bodies to decay (yikes!). He says that many age-related illnesses are preventable and reversible through exercise.
The thing he said in his interview on NPR that really struck me is that we should think of exercise as a job that we get paid for and have to do, so that we nonnegotiably incorporate it into our day. He said, if someone offered you thousands of dollars to exercise you'd do it, and that the benefits of daily exercise are worth far more in increased quality of life and prevented illnesses than the money. Sounds logical to me.
So last night as I was mentally planning my day, I experienced some resistance about going to the gym. (My mind just hates having to set an alarm and get up early.) But then I asked myself, "If someone paid you $100 to go to the gym would you do it?" then I answered myself "Of course! And, I really wish someone would pay me to go to the gym." So that's all it took to make me fly out of bed this morning at 6:30 so I could go to the gym, and I ended up feeling like 100 bucks!
**What do you think?
Have you shnockered yourself too?
What motivates you to exercise?
Did you hear this doctor on NPR?**
Have you shnockered yourself too?
What motivates you to exercise?
Did you hear this doctor on NPR?**
55 comments:
Okay, so we need to lose a few, well maybe more than a few, but at least we are cute! And I happen to think that we look like sisters!
I'll send you one that I have and we are twins!
Okay, so my goal is to lose 5 lbs a month. Ya want to shoot for it with me? I think it is totally reasonable and will make a huge difference!
I'm super proud of you for going to the gym...I've only been exercising for a few months, but I feel so much better! (Maybe a few new cells!)
Anyway, thanks for posting the picture of you and I.
P.S. Where is my neck?
i could repost this on my blog, using pictures of myself, instead. oh, wait, there are no *full-body* pictures of myself. hmmmm...
I'd have to agree with the statement about being paid to go to the gym. I'm convinced we'd all look a little more Hollywood if our job depended on it and we had oodles of dollars to spend, personal trainers to meet up with, nutritionists, nannies to help with the kids...
I've never heard of that book, but my interest is peaked. I've always been thin, but have also struggled with feelings of not being thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough, blah, blah, blah. All I know is that since I've been faithful in my workouts, I feel much better in my skin. I'm doing what I can, you know. And heck, life is to be enjoyed, too! There will always be room for a cheeseburger in my diet. Good luck, and for what it's worth, I thought that color was very flattering on you! :)
The pictures at the blog party had me shaking my head as well. What's even more pathetic is how many people told me how great I looked and if I had lost weight. Seriously sad.
You are adorable. But I get it. And I worked out for an hour today too.
You are one of the most beautiful women I have ever met-- so there!
Whenever I look at pictures of myself I'm confused, I'm so much thinner in my minds eye.
I thought you looked really cute that night, in pink and all. Thanks again for hosting such a fun evening, you, Kristi and all your helpers went above and beyond. Can't wait for the post.
Oh and I did hear that doctor, I love NPR.
**What do you think? honestly you were much smaller in person then you photo--totally honest!! its like that part from friends when monica says "okay seriously the camera add's 10lbs!" to which joey replies "uh just how many cameras were on you???" classic
Have you shnockered yourself too? thats what happened when i saw photos of myself from the carribean cruise--im not sure if it was my BOOB were SOO hanging low or i need to lose a few?? hence the need for joining the "biggest loser of the 951"-SO FUN! and did the trick..
What motivates you to exercise?hmmm the hour with no kids??, or its kind of like sex, once its over with your glad you did, or it makes you feel young..i could go on and on here..
honestly the ONLY thing that worked for me was weight lifting..you have to think this way..when you do cardio you lose the fat in THOSE 45 minutes you work out..when you lift weights your burning fat in THOSE 45 minutes AND ALL DAY while your body is REPAIRING the muscle you just shredded..so there ya go--lift a few weights...i PROMISE you wont get beefy! i could help you out if you wanted--feel free to shoot me an email..
Did you hear this doctor on NPR? i did not..ill have to check it out
Thanks for the insight...it totally makes sense.
Can't wait to see you blog party update :)
amen...not only am I the camera owner but I don't give it up too often, so I am frequently absent from family vacations and gatherings. And when occasionally there is a picture of me, I am the one who prints and organizes our photos. You know what that means - the right to edit or delete! Good for you for getting a great start this week!
So many thoughts about this one.
First thought--I have met you and you are being too hard on yourself.
Second thought--you've met me and so you know that I am obviously not exercising.
I really hate seeing pictures of myself!! I need the motivation...and sadly enough, I'm not sure if money would motivate me!
I am mostly impressed that even when it comes to body-image you are able to put yourself out there on your blog and talk about it. I'm just not quite that brave!
Anyway, I think most women have issues with their body-image (even the skinny ones)...why are we like that?
Lastly, I love your pink shirt!
Jill. We have no full length mirrors in our house and whenever I see a picture of me {rarely} I'm always shocked at how I really look. I'm so much thinner in my mind! It ebbs and flows for me. I was doing so good at Weight Watchers this year until February and haven't been back since...although I'm paying for it each month. Today was beautiful and I know I should've gone running but I didn't and then beat myself up all day for not going. Ugh. This is great motivation for me. Proud of you for going to the gym. Love your word-gymalicious. Also, I thought that color looked good on you as well! I didn't hear the Doc on NPR - but I would've if we lived in the same state. It's my desert island commodity.
I love that one of your linked words at the bottom of the post is "Girth." Mine is feeling bigger these days, as well. I need to find the inspiration sufficient to make me make the time to exercise.
I, too, have issues with motivating myself to exercise. I go in and out of exercise phases; for weeks I can really feel it and be excited to go out and exercise. And then there's other weeks when I'd rather eat my own feet than go exercise. Way to go for going to the gym this morning!
Oh, baby. I could have seriously written this exact same post, only where you took a turn for the positive, I most likely would have spiraled out of control... I really thought I had a handle on my girth, until I saw the pictures, that is. What a difference it makes when the camera-wielder isn't using our special minimizing angles! I wanted to sit down and have a good cry!
I have definitely schnockered myself big time and I wish someone would pay me to work out. Perhaps just that point of view will be motivating enough...
p.s. I love your new banner!!
Thank you soooooooo much for this post! I've been trying to lose weight every since I had my second child, but I can't get motivated enough to do it. Somehow I just expect the pounds to disappear like it used to be on my single days, but it's not that easy anymore.{bummer!!!} Thanks for inspiring me to go back to the Gym!
You're awesome! Good luck with your workout!
P.S. I loved your pink shirt
I take it week by week. Day by day. I sound like I've been in a 12 step group, and maybe I needed to be! My biggest moment was a picture of Evie and I at her first birthday and I had no idea I hadn't lost any of the baby weight, well I had been fooling myself, and I had no idea that I still looked the way I did, and I thought my dad was just beening mean (he was being mean) when he kept talking to me about exercise. That picture was a huge wake up call to me. A huge thing for me has been to stop rewarding myself with food (the end of a long day, etc) and to stop eating to feed my feelings rather than deal with them some other way.
Congrats especially for keeping the gym membership when you could have made the excuse to cancel it with Randy being out of work. I think its one thing you can't afford NOT to have right now. You ROCK Jill!
I am DYING over your banner- oh my how I love it. Favorite one so far!
And yes- some of the pictures are frightening. I thought I was doing pretty good...yikes! Just shows you how much I love the SP's I do...but like you, I am also using this as a wake-up call. I ran Saturday and yesterday morning and biked today plus did a ton of sweat inducing yard work and housework. Great job on not letting this realization get the best of you and instead kicking it in the butt!
I am iwth you on the shocking self discovery photos. How did things get this out of hand for me??
However, I KNOW that exercise is essential regardless of weight loss.
I know where you are coming from. The only pictures I liked of myself at the party were of the back of my head - my hairdresser stacked my hair very nicely.
I've got to checkout that book.
You really did look very pretty at the blog party.
Oh, I'm with you on the "special angle" when taking self portraits; I can't TELL you how many SP's I've taken, just to try to get one shot I can live with...ultimately just to give up and post none of them.
Another Jill-ism: "shnockered." HOW in the WORLD do you keep coming up with these? Here, I'll use it in a sentence: "I wish I could shnocker myself into loving carrots and celery as much as I love Mint Chip Dreyer's Ice Cream."
So. Hats of to you for committing yourself to a change. I've been there at the bottom (usually when LOOKING at my BOTTOM), and it's not fun. I am a big believer in the value of feeling good about your physical health. Doesn't mean we have to look like an emaciated waif; just that we don't want to gasp in horror when looking at our thighs. (I gasped in horror just yesterday.)
It's encouraging to remember, though, that you ALWAYS have the power to change the physical, but it's much more difficult to change the inside. And you, Jill, are someone who is A BLESSING to know because of who you are on the inside. There is so much I like and respect about you--all because of who you are & what you bring to the world.
Those pictures you posted from the Blog Party (still bitter I missed it)--the ones you detest so greatly--all make me wish I could just jump right into them and join your fun! You look so fun to be around! And THAT is the best compliment someone could pay you: that they like to be around you.
So there.
p.s. YOU ROCKED THAT FUSCHIA SHIRT.
One last P.S.: That banner is divine! I think it is my favorite one yet.
So, I had to leave a comment again after reading so many left by others. I find it very interesting to read how our mind can trick us. For example, I've read many comments that state the person feels thinner than they are...until they see a picture or they catch themselves in a full length mirror. I, on the other hand, feel much bigger than I am...until I see a picture or catch myself in a mirror. Oh the injustice of the crazy female pysche!
Before I got pregnant with Reed I was dedicated, getting to the gym 4-5 days a week and even though I wasn't losing a ton of weight I did it for me. To feel better and be stronger and it felt good. But now I have no motivation and some will say you have a baby, relax. But really, he's almost 5 months and I've been down this road, before I know it, he'll be 1 and nothing will be different. But that's not how I want it so why can't I find something to get me to the gym? The gym we pay for every month and don't go to. I'll quit my rant. Just want to say, I know what you mean. I feel it all. I could write this post!
You have gotten so good at the new banners. I love it, good job!
Like everyone else- we've been there, we are there, and we'll probably always be there- never quite satisfied.
I find exercise so hard to get into. I'm glad I did it once it's over but during it I'm telling myself how much I hate it! Knowing that it takes ALOT of exercise to really make a difference is frustrating & makes me want to give up. Finding time for it is not the priority it should be for me. I'm in awe of your early mornings of exercise. That is inspiring. I think I need to go put a post on my blog about this topic now. :)
You look so good in the pink shirt-so cute & a good color on you. Wish I could've been there to visit with you.
(Your new banner rocks!)
love your new banner..
paid to go to the gym.. that totally makes sense..
it really does make me us feel better to work out.. why is it so hard to make the time?
looking forward to hearing all about the party.. sounds like so much fun!
I am so with you on this post. I too was completely dismayed at myself in the photos from the party!
I did hear this NPR piece and it actually motivated me to get moving again.
The photos do not do you justice by the way!! You looked great - vibrant and happy!
Do you ever schnocker yourself? I recently went clothes shopping and realized I've been schnockering myself for a long time.
I think you are doing awesome with your gymalicious days and you are an inspiration. thanks for such an honest post.
I am feeling so foreign that I don't know what NPR stands for! I have a question for the blogging how-to (2 days late and *100 bucks* short): How did you add that comment above the comments box? Has it been there forever and I am just now noticing it?
As for photos telling the real truth - that has been an interesting facet to SPT. I also know how to catch my own best angle, but the out takes have taught me a lot about how I really look. I'm considering taking the camera into the change room with me whenever I shop to see how those jeans REALLY fit.
I so totally hear you on this one. I have been trying really hard to let myself be in pictures because even though it is shocking to see myself, I know my family and friends don't see me the same way. I am also working hard on finding a time for exercise. I've been doing okay. As for the good eating habits...I only had one good meal today. The rest was candy and leftover dessert!
I'm not sure I could say anything more than everyone else has said. I think you look great. And I think that people who know you, will know you are beautiful. And I think that those that don't know you are in for a huge treat when they do get to know you. You are awesome. And if you want to exercise, let it be because you want to be healthy, to live a long life for your children and grandchildren. Because perfection comes from the inside, not the outside.
And I love the updated banner!
This rings so true Jill. I must say first that YOU ARE a beautiful woman that God created. You are full of compassion, love, sincerity, service and kindness. You are REAL. You are a blessing to those around you. That hot pink shirt is pretty rockin' too.
Don't be so hard on yourself, though I do understand those feelings. There have been times in my life I have schnockered myself about lots of things, not just weight.
Even though getting up early is difficult, going to the gym and feeling gymalicious the rest of the day is worth it on so many levels! I haven't heard of that book or those theories, but they make sense.
I'll gladly send you $100 to go to the gym--but it might be Monopoly $$$. :)
What a great post! Exercise helps me not want to eat as much & makes me feel good about myself. I love your getting paid for it idea.
I am a big believer in Weight Watchers. Even when I worked out everyday, I was not losing enough weight...I finally had to face the truth & acknowledge that I over eat. All the exercise was not gonna burn off what I was eating!
At my heaviest, I was 231 (I'm 5ft. 8in.)...now I am 183. I am far from skinny & need to lose more, but I guess what I'm saying is that if I can do it, you can do it too!
You're gonna be gorgeous with those extra pounds gone because you're already a beautiful woman. And soon the camera will be your friend...from any angle!
I so understand this post. I could also swap out pictures on my blog and have the same thing written. How can I see one thing and then when the picture comes a whole other person. I get my mind in the "zone" so to speak. I need that push right now.
So thanks for the incentive.
First off, I LOVE (want to steal) your new banner. Second, the bright shirt is a keeper...before I even saw what the post was about, I thought, "I love Jill in that shirt".
As for the rest...well, I'm right there with you. My last horrifying moments were at my little one's birthday party. I gave the camera up to my brother-in-law. Oh my. Soooooo many pictures were deleted that day.
I'll have to take a look at that book. Two weeks ago I started my "mend my lifestyle" exercising and eating program. I'm down 5 pounds, but am mostly thrilled at how I'm feeling. Making the changes permanent is the hard part though, I suppose.
Can't wait to see your post on the party!
we are so hard on ourselves but i feel your post...
i love the pics you included, even if you dont!, b/c they are what i expect to see of you: smiles, spts, you taking charge with the mic as the hostess with the mostess. i am glad you shared them adn your writing on this hard topic
ps- i usually get this feeling you write about when i am preparing for an event or like you, when i am looking at pics after an event
Jill...you've really struck a chord with all of us. Short and tall, thick and thin we all seem to feel the same. I truly appreciate you writing this post. I admire your honesty and willingness to put yourself "out there".
Hang in there with the exercise. It pays off. I have to drag my sorry butt out of bed and to the gym at 6am and there is never a day that it sounds like fun. BUT...I meet a good friend there and that gives me that extra boost...knowing that my friend is waiting for me and that lots of laughs and good conversation are in store. It gets my day off to a good start.
I think you look fabulous in your hot pink shirt!!
I am on pins and needles for your blog party post!! :)
Wow! I had a ton to catch up on on your blog. It sounds like you had a ton of fun with Kristi in town. I was guessing that she was your mystery guest! :)
Can't wait to hear how the blog party went. Oh, and for the record, I think that top pic of you is cute!
I can definitely relate to your thoughts and feelings here, Jill. Although I thought you looked great in the bright shirt.
However unpleasant it feels, it is great to get to the point when you motivate yourself to make some real changes. I'm there right along with you!
I don't know anyone that exercise comes easy to. For me it's a daily battle, but I remember reading somewhere--I believe Michelle quoted) something becomes a habit after 30 days. For me exercise is a gage as to how much I eat.
Getting paid to exercise sounds awesome to me--hook us up! :)
The theory of thinking about exercise as a job resonates with me b/c I know we'll end up paying someday if we don't exercise. Too bad it feels like a job so much of the time! Going shopping is often my best motivation. The mirrors in those dressing rooms seem to speak even louder than photos for me.
I am a fan of the pink shirt, and I relate to disliking my profile except that I detest my facial profile and can't accept that I am attached to it. Then I remind myself I am blessed to be healthy and...it's one of those things.
hey missy...wonderful blog party. I wrote you a huge one, but then decided to e mail it, and it got lost...but I just think that each one has to be ready to go for it. I also think that Friends and Loved ones won't ever see us a we see ourselves crudely. I think we see each other in our eyes, aura, reflexion, smile, essence, spirit, and you might notice size, but once people step into friendship, that won't matter at all. So it is up to us to actually decide what makes us happy, and what made us happy at one point, does not mean it will in the future.
Your self talk here is not on the approved list. Did you not do a whole post about this? Ahem.
I love you in that color and I was thinking on Sat nite how cute the shirt was. I love the sleeves.
This book sounds great. I would have loved to hear him on NPR describing it in person. I really like his philosophy. Let me know when I can borrow it.
Oh, and lastly, let us know when you receive the first $100 in Good Mail for exercising. I seriously wouldn't doubt it.
Ok. So will you even get my comment?...being that I am like
#50!!!? heehee Cool :)
Great topic. Great pix. Cute pink!
If we judged ourselves on the angles of every photo that was taken of us at every odd moment in our life - I can see how it would turn us all into low-esteem, self hating women!
I feel your pain. I keep having these moments and wonder when the shock will make me loose! I have started back at the gym so that is a start.
This comment is for Rachel...
I'm pretty sure that this is how it works.
If you are skinny...but you think you are fat...you FEEL fat but see a picture and say, whoa, I'm thinner than I thought. This was me prior to gaining 45 lbs.
Now, once I became overweight, I actually really feel thinner than I am. I know it sounds weird, but it is true. So when I see a picture of myself I think...who is that, wait a minute, is that me? WHOA!
So the good news is that you are still in the 'I feel fat' stage and that means you are SKINNY!
I can't wait to get back to the days I felt fat!
I thought I posted yesterday. I guess I just composed my comment in my head!
First I thought you looked great at the party. I loved your pink shirt and I would never have done anything to try to stop you from wearing it!
I'm always horrified when I see pictures of myself. When we went on our cruise, I was very distressed to see my "spare tire" so prominently on display. I have started making slow progress toward weight loss, but it isn't easy. I frequently go on sugar benders, and it's very hard to stop. Maybe a useful technique would be to keep some photos around of what I look like now so that I never forget!
If you are determined to lose weight you can do it. Remember it won't be as easy as it might have been in the past. When I lost weight in my 20s it could easily lose 2 pounds a week. Now I'm lucky to lose 1. So don't get discouraged--aging really sucks!
I have never heard of this book or this Doctor. Think I need to read it. If I were going to be paid a hundred bucks every day to go work out I would make time to do it. I went yesterday with my visiting teacher who is a trainer. She met me at the gym. gave me a great upper body work out. That I am really feeling to day. Keep telling my self that I need to get up early and just go. UGH!!
I agree with Pasty's comment. You are one of the most beautiful women I know. Don't be to hard on your self.
I have never heard of this book or this Doctor. Think I need to read it. If I were going to be paid a hundred bucks every day to go work out I would make time to do it. I went yesterday with my visiting teacher who is a trainer. She met me at the gym. gave me a great upper body work out. That I am really feeling to day. Keep telling my self that I need to get up early and just go. UGH!!
I agree with Pasty's comment. You are one of the most beautiful women I know. Don't be to hard on your self.
Exercising is something I have to talk myself into everyday. Mainly I tell myself how much better I'll sleep and usually that's all the encouragement I need.
I love knowing all the benefits you get from it. I'll have to check out that book.
I think that color looks beautiful on you.
i remember having a picture taken of me when i was 24 that was a profile shot and i just couldn't believe what my nose looked like from the side. i'm still self-conscious of it! i think we all have angles that we feel better at. i'm just feeling awful that my photos were not taken at the kindest angles (i can tell i need more practice ; )). i did think you looked lovely that night and i think you are a lovely person. i'm glad i know you.
i also remember looking at a picture of the two of us on your blog and staring at it for about 20-30 seconds before even recognizing myself! somehow, looking at myself in the mirror everyday didn't show me how much i've aged! what in the world?
congrats on the gym. i'm so feeling the need to go. you're inspiring me.
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