"There are so many reasons why today's mothers struggle. Sheer exhaustion often tops the list. A lack of recognition for our efforts may also be included. But somewhere else on that list is this: many of us don't remember often enough that we are daughters of God, doing his work. An astute seven year old--a true princess in training told her mom the other day, "Snow White is still pretty in rages." Indeed, we are all still daughters of God, no matter what we do, no matter where we labor. And when we place one woman ahead of another because of her calling or title, when riches are equated with business success and rags are equated with the "everydayness" of mothering, we are not only devaluing motherhood but belittling a daughter of God." --page 45 of I Am A Mother by Jane Clayson Johnson
Fortunately, I don't feel like I struggle with my decision to stay home with my kids and be a full-time mother because that was ALWAYS my plan. It has been a blessing that I have been able to do that for the past 10.8 years (I quit my last job while I was pregnant with Landon). My struggles with motherhood have lessened somewhat as the kids have gotten older. I think the early years were harder for me because of the endless demands, diapers, weariness and constant companionship with them.
Now they are so self-sufficient, I have to make sure I am there for them in other ways. We seem to have crossed over into a phase where more subtle vigilance, teaching, and watching them is in place. They spend lots of time with friends now and are subject to influences from school, television, friends and their own maturing thoughts. So my job as a mother keeps changing and has to be individualized to their specific personalities, talents and needs. This is a tricky business for sure.
**What do you think?**
17 comments:
So true - seems like as soon as I understand how to "do" one phase of motherhood, it's over and then I need to learn what to do next all over again!
It IS a tricky struggle for sure! Their needs are always changing, and what works for one doesn't necessarily work another. I'm looking forward to being in your stage of motherhood...
Darling picture of the kids!
What a GREAT quote, from a great book!
I don't struggle at all with staying home, like you, that was ALWAYS my plan and even though I loved my job, I cannot imagine not being home every minute with my kids. I have noticed how many of my friends struggle with this...they feel like they are so much less than they used to be and I can see how their self esteem is suffering. The hardest part for me is that their kids see this too...it just makes me sad. If we could all just see ourselves as daughters of God, see ourselves as He sees us...there would be no more struggles. Great thought as usual!
I completely agree. I am moving into that phase now. Motherhood is always hard but I think we all have different talents to deal with each season better than other seasons and in different ways than other mothers. I am glad to be done with diapers and the exhaustion. But, now it is a different kind of exhaustion and different challenges. It's always changing, but it's so worth it.
Tricky business for sure-
I am in a sweet spot- watching my oldest children- yet, with four at home I have so far to go... and yes they are all different with ever changing needs!
Motherhood is definately my greatest blessing & challenge.
thanks for the reminder of who I really am- His daughter :)
I LOVE that book! It has never been a question on whether or not I was going to be home with my kids. That is was I always wanted to do with my life..be a mom. It is the greatest calling anyone can have. It is the hardest and I know there are days that I could pay someone to do a better job. Right now I feel like is such a hard time with the kids. Trying to give the older ones what they need along with the younger ones. It is a hard balance and there are so many times I feel like I am failing. It will get easier with Ryan and I know one day Iwill miss it but I can say I am so ready to be done with diapers!
I struggle. Not that I want to work, I WANT to be with my children but I am always so impressed with women who have big careers. Not so much women who have to have a part time job...that just seems busy without the perks and I feel sympathy for them, I am talking about the doctors, the therapists, the store owners. Those women seem so put together I feel inadequate.
Thank you for that post Jill. I do struggle. It is the balance. I often have that cheeseball Michael McLean song in my head: "which part is mine?" how much am I supposed to give? How much am I supposed to keep, or even to WANT to keep? a wise friend reminds me that I am still "in the trenches" and I hate how one minute I feel so utterly in love with my job description, and the next I wish I could go back to being the smartest, most capeable person in the room, and one that earned a paycheck. I think for me it boils down to the 24 hour a day nature of the job, to being completely touched out some days, and to having no evaluation system, I was good at my job, and there were ways for me to know that. Lots of days I just feel like I suck it up as a mom, and I can't rely on my kids for that, that isn't their job, to build me up.
I want to be the one to raise and be with them, I just need to figure out how to carve out a little somethin'sompthin' for myself, does that make sense?
Hi. Longtime Lurker. No blog of my own but I have learned SO much from you and yours. I have 5 kids ranging in age from 5-15. Managing the different ages and stages is a chore. A wise friend of mine once said, "I miss the days when I could fix anything that was wrong with my children with my breast". I consider it to be a gift to raise my children but sometimes it is just plain HARD.The upper ages certainly come with their own challenges. School pressures, relationship issues, broken hearts, struggles with faith, etc. I want to be able to fix everything again. Thanks for you blog. You are a wise woman who is always so honest.
Hi! (I'm Kelly's cousin and Mandy's...cousin-in-law?) Anyway, just wanted to stop by and say hi.
I loved the quote too. While not a stay-at-home mom, I have always thought that it is a job that ranks at the top as far as importance and hard work--and should rank much higher as far as recognition!
I have 2 step-sons who stay with us during the summers. I kind of got tossed in during the phase that you're in now. They are no longer so dependent, and each have their own distinct personalities and needs. Oh, they are complex, huh? But FUN!
Oh, yeah, my blog is
www.lifeinmotion.typepad.com/
Again, I love that book.
This has been on my mind too much to leave a coherent comment....
I totally love this book and the quote.
Yes, mothering children of any age is constantly changing, rewarding, exhausting, and the best thing I could ever do ever.
I have 5 children, ages 9-27. I feel blessed to have been a stay at home mom.
My husband and I had to meet with our Stake President last week to receive new callings. My children were discussing how "important" these callings are. I was quick to steer the conversation and teach them that the most important callings ever of those of Mother, Father, Wife, and Husband.
i really like that quote. it doesn't totally fit me b/c i feel like i'm the oddball mother trying to be as much of a stay-at-home mom as i can be as i finish this long long journey of school-hood. i struggle b/c i see moms who are at home and i feel inadequate and unworthy despite what i'm doing- ironic after reading elisa's comment.
i'm finally finding a groove b/c i know the end of the road is nearing. this semester and then a 12 month internship sometime. hallelujah. along the way, i'm finding out there are a lot of ways to be the mom k needs.
i swear you enter my mind on my bad days and find quotes for sunday that seem to help me. :)
Ditto!
Love the snow white comment.
I have become more and more grateful that I am home. They seem to need me more as teenagers than when they were babies.
It's tricky business, yes. Having kids at such totally different stages in life is sometimes a balance struggle. It's good though. They amaze me every day.
oh my....I don't know where to begin, but i just often feel like it is a washing machine...and i am in the midst of the really waky strong agitated cycle.....I know it doesn't get easier, it just changes and i think that is what scares me.
Tricky is the right word indeed! I think being a stay at home mom is more demanding than any job I've ever held outside of the home. It's hard a lot of times, but more worth it!
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