Out of Sorts

Moods suck. What is the purpose of them? Why can't I just be consistently motivated and happy? Instead I woke up late today and immediately felt blah. Randy was working on the computer until about 2:30 which threw me off even further, so other than doing some laundry and vacuuming I have nothing to show for myself.


The kids actually played outside next door for several hours, so that was nice but I've just been wandering around like a lost soul. I talked to Amie on the phone for awhile, which was good, but I'm back to feeling like what's next?


I've been trying to come up with a new schematic for our house so that we can accommodate the 3 nieces here for the next two weeks. My great plan is to turn the garage into the playroom so we can free up space in the kids' bedroom for sleeping, and facilitate as much outside play as possible. I bought a swimming pool from Costco (the one Becca posted about, thanks) and haven't told the kids about it yet. I plan on bringing that out when needed and hopefully that will go the distance in entertaining the kids and keeping them active and outside a lot of the time.


I need to go to Costco to get one of those heavy-duty shelving units for the garage. We already have 3 of them, but I think one more will help free up a lot of space in the center of the garage so that I can move a couple small tables and the kids' toy bins out there. This plan has GOT TO WORK or I'm going to be in trouble. Most of the time I'm content with my cozy, little house but lately I've been feeling it's size limitations and am feeling frustrated by that. Aargh.

**I'm a professional, I can work around this right?
Do moods shut you down too?
Isn't a wasted Saturday the worst?**

Fun Mom Field Trip Attempt

As I have previously stated, I am inspired by Kristi's continual adventures with her family and her great outings as a tourist in her own town. I ventured to Temple Square a couple weeks ago by myself and then today I took the kids to the BYU Museum of Art. Sadly, I feel like I now need time away from my children (particularly Whitney), have taken one of the lovely Percocet's Hannah dropped off for me yesterday, and am totally wasted. Why is it so hard to do something fun?


I've been wanting to go to the BYU Art Museum for months because I knew they were having a Christ art exhibit. For some reason I woke up feeling like today was the day. I announced my big plans to the kids (who looked like deer in the headlights) and prepared myself for moans and complaints. Fortunately Landon did NOT complain, pause unhappily or ask me when we would get back (he usually does these 3 things when he's not keen on my plans), instead Whitney took over and shifted into full-on pill mode. She asked what we would be seeing there and then told me she only wanted to go to museums with animals or to the aquarium. I informed her we would do those things one day, but not this day.

She didn't exactly throw a fit, but she spent some time in the fetal position on her bedroom floor, gave me grief about what she was wearing, and asked several more times why we weren't going to the museum with the animals. $#@% I was getting pissed. We hadn't even left the house and I was already threatening to cancel game night (she would have been devastated) if she didn't stop acting like this.


Fortunately she recovered and we left the house. We then began lunch negotiations. I don't know when she decided to have an opinion about everything, but she is certainly working the system and exploring her options. We stopped at Pizza Factory but there was a 20 minute wait so we just went to the food court at BYU (which doesn't look anything like what it did when I went to school there).


The kids were delighted with their pizzas and thought it was pretty cool that there were so many choices of things to eat. It was sort of surreal for me to be eating there with my kids. It looks so different that it didn't feel like the same place that I ate so many times. The students all look like babies, everyone was on their cell phones or listening to their iPods so it felt nothing like it did when I went there. I'm not happy or sad about that, it was just weird.


We walked over to the museum (lovely walk) and went to the Christ exhibit first. It was beautiful. I love how peaceful it was in there. The lighting was fairly dim, the walls painted beautifully and all the paintings were gorgeous. There were pieces from Albrecht Durer, Rembrant, Ghirlandaio, and many other artists. Landon ended up being pretty into it so it was fun to stand and talk with him about these artists he has studied with his home school program. It was also pretty cool because he knows these stories about Jesus so he could identify what was going on in the paintings. There were also several illuminated manuscripts (which he'd also learned about this year) so it was very cool to see those in real life.


Whitney was be-bopping around in there and was only interested in the wood carvings depicting scenes for Jesus' life. It was anxiety-producing for me because she kept wanting to touch things. She's 6.5 for Pete's Sake so she's not a tiny kid, but she sure was acting like a 4 year old today.


There was an Impressionist Exhibit downstairs that I really wanted to see so we went down there as well, but the kids were both done by that point so we were only in there for like 10 minutes. I saw a Monet, several Childe Hassan's (I loved those), and some Camille Pisarro paintings (I wasn't allowed to take pictures in there). It would have been nice to stay longer, I'll have to go back before the exhibit ends on July 8th.


We stopped by the gift shop to see if there were any postcards so Whitney could send one to Luci (Natasha's daughter) but they didn't have any. She wasn't very interested in that anyway, she wanted to touch everything she wasn't supposed to touch. She almost gave me a heart attack when she knocked a metal rocking decoration thing off its stand. I think it scared the crap out of her too so at least she has some sense. I was so flustered with her after that that I thought I was going to wig out.


We walked over to the library to visit Collette at her office. There was a lot going on in there so I felt like a fish out of water in there, but it was fun to visit Collette. I brought her this photo of me, her and Jenn on the train to Giverny (I don't have any good group shots from Paris).

We then went to the BYU Barbershop where Landon lost about 5 pounds from his head! Of course, now he's practically bald and the growing out period will be unsightly but he looks so much better. What's up with $10 for a kid's haircut, plus tip? Ouch.

Our final stop was for ice cream. I was debating whether to even get Whitney one, but I didn't want the memory to be completely wrecked for her. So here she is with her huge ice cream cone standing by a cougar, her dream come true! She's killing me!

**How can I recover?
Is it worth it to continue these field trips?**

Favorite Things Swap

I saw this link on Holly's blog and since tomorrow is the deadline I thought I'd share it in case any of you want to do it too. It looks fun.

**Have you done this before?
Did you sign up?**

June Book Club

So last night was our book club discussion of The Birth of Venus, and what a disappointment that book was. I definitely cannot recommend it and am a little bit tainted now that I've read it. I can't really post an offending passage without tainting you all (or having it on my blog forever) so I'll just say that it was a tad too intimate for all of us (definitely not in a good way).

There were so many good ideas that could have been developed to make the story better, but instead it felt a bit manipulated and too focused on bodily things. We all actually enjoyed reading it for the most part, but can't recommend it and were definitely grossed out by it. I am going to donate it to the library because I don't want it on my shelf!

We met late at 9:00 (because Jenn had a meeting) at Amy's house and all ended up bringing treats! We didn't eat them all but the ones we had were very good. I braved several of Jana's wonderful chocolate-chip cookies and ate gerbil style with my front teeth, I can't wait to eat like a normal person again.

Speaking of Jana, here is her cute new haircut.

Halfway through the night I looked down and realized I had two different socks on! They were similar enough that I thought maybe they were a pair with the logo only on one of them, but Collette investigated and concluded they were definitely two DIFFERENT socks. Duh! I have to blame my children for matching the socks, though I did put them on and didn't notice. ( Also, I don't normally wear socks in June, but it was so cold and rainy yesterday that I did. By the way, tee-ball and swimming ended up being canceled.)

{Michelle's self-portrait in her Paris window}
Guess what? I've been there!

We missed Michelle last night (she already comes home in 13 days though hooray) so I called her in Paris when I got home around 12:30. Fortunately she called me right back (since it's cheap for them) and I updated her on our book club night. We have a tight group so it's just not the same is someone is missing, next month Amy will be in Italy (she's a world traveler now) so we'll only have 5 of us again. Drat.

Overall it was a marvelous night, good conversation and therapy were had along with our shared love of reading and insights as women. There were at least 3 great quotables last night, but the only two I can remember for sure were Jenn saying "I wish I had read this book when I was smarter!" and when she said "I don't want to live past 70!" I know the other quotable was from Jana but I've drawn a blank, I really need to write these things down.

**Have you read books that were okay,
but that you can't recommend?
What types of things offend you?
Any book recommendations?**

Rainy Day

It's rainy and coldish here today and I'm loving it. It feels like everything slows down when it's rainy outside (probably because it's so rare) and it makes me want to stay home and read. Today is supposed to be my busy day with tee-ball pictures and games, swimming lessons and book club, but I'm thinking the first two things are going to get rained out and book club has been moved to start later because Jenn has a meeting she has to go to, plus I finished the book last night so I'm not even scrambling today (nice for a change).

The kids have created a small gorge over by our trash can. They usually have to use the hose to fill it up, but the rain is making it great for them today (the gutter run off fills it up). I love it when they play together.

Landon needs a haircut so badly that I can hardly stand it. The lady we usually go to is in Europe until the end of the month so I'm going to have to take him somewhere else, but I don't want to be hasty and end up with a buzzed Great Clips kind of cut that will only be cute for a day. Aargh! Boy's hair never stops being a problem!


On Monday as I pulled into the driveway (from our Seven Peaks outing) I saw that my mailbox was open and that there was much goodness inside. Of course I had my camera right next to me in the car so I brought it over to the mailbox to investigate; this is the happy sight.

The box was from Kristi, she sent oodles of white ribbon, some cute notecards, a "J" notepad and a little note. I had requested white ribbon from her one time (meaning I would pay her to get me some, though she won't let me) and this is what she came up with! I'm officially stocked now and love having big spools of it so I can wrap presents and not feel like I have to ration myself. Thanks Kristi!

Andrea (aka Shoe Obsessed) sent me this cute card wishing me well after my surgery. Thanks Andrea! Is it so sad that this card is the closest thing I have to high heels in my house? My shoe sensibilities are the opposite of yours!

Michelle sent me this cool postcard. I had totally planned on racing Collette up the stairs of Notre Dame while we were there, but then the heat, the blisters and the time ended up making us rethink that plan. I'm kind of bummed though because how cool would it have been to have seen this view in person? (Collette has been up there before so it's really just me that missed out.)


I'm trying to get motivated and back into my normal life, but I'm not feeling so great. My jaw is tight, my pain meds are all gone, and I'm weary (though I'm not sure why). I have good mail I want to send out and plenty of things to do, but I find myself wandering around wanting the day to be over. I hate that feeling. We're meeting Lori and Andrew (my brother) for lunch at JCWs in a little while so that means I'll be having some soup and shake to fuel me up.

After that the kids and I are going over to a clean the house of a lady I visit teach. She's been in California helping her sick mother for 3 months (!) and wants me to freshen up her house since her daughter is flying in tonight. It's so rare that someone actually comes right out and asks for something, it's kind of refreshing. I was planning on going over by myself, but I think it will be a good opportunity for the kids to learn about helping someone else. It's so random how these opportunities present themselves isn't it?

**Thoughts?**

Favorite Color--SPT

My color preferences definitely coincide with the seasons, which means they change profoundly at least four times a year. Right now with summer here I am in love with bright summery colors, but by fall I will scorn them and be drawn to all the warmth the fall colors have to offer. Apparently my color tastes are a bit fickle, but I'm okay with that.

I love colorful flip flops and bright pink toe nails in the summer!

I love the contrast of the blue and white on the lane divider at the pool.

I love the bright, summery slides and the fun the color seems to convey.

I love the various shades of yellow seen on flowers throughout the season.

I really love all the different shades of green, this is one of my favorites.

But my tried and true, nonchanging favorites are the colors in my house. The trusty black, the tomato red and the matte white. This picture is pretty much a self-portrait.

**Did you post your colors?
What colors do you love?**

Starving

Last week I was doing pretty well on my soft-foods only diet, any diet involving ice cream every day is a good thing to me, but after about 6 days of this I'm freakin starving! I have been eating mashed potatoes and gravy, yogurt, pudding, ice cream and soup. Where is the food in my food? The chicken-noodle soup I ate last night almost did me in because a stray noodle got lodged in my stitches (sickening) and caused me to have to really work my mouth to get it out. This completely grossed me out and didn't help my hunger situation very much. What to do, what to do?


Today I'm trying to get back to normal life again, although the call of the cozy is quite strong. I got up at 8:00am, vacuumed the whole house, got some laundry going, have wrangled the kids with their jobs, and have talked to Amie twice. She has gotten me to commit to going to Seven Peaks today, ah carumba. It shouldn't be that big of a deal because she and I basically sit on our lawn chairs and talk all day in-between the kids running back and forth from the slides and lazy river. Last week we didn't even get close to getting wet ourselves (my kids can't understand why we bother to wear our bathing suits). I figure I'm more likely to take it easy there with her than I am at home, plus the kids will be happy and wear themselves out. Am I wrong? Right now it feels like a lot of effort though because I'm hungry and light headed, but I'm hoping if I keep moving I'll be alright.


It seems like I was very lucky to have a weekend off because life is getting crazy again. This week we've got swimming lessons, tee-ball/baseball games and pictures, and I've got book club (all of those are on the same night by the way and we only have one freakin car!), I should go visiting teaching this week because the next few weeks will be extra busy with my 3 nieces staying with us for 2 weeks so by the time they're gone it will already be the end of June! How does this happen? I feel like summer just started and already I can't keep up.

**What can I eat?
How is your week looking?**

Sunday Thoughts

I'm progressing with my goal to read the Book of Mormon by my birthday and am a little behind although I have read every single day since I started on January 4th (hooray for me actually keeping one of my goals!). I have fallen behind by not reading the full assignment for the day because I've been too tired, but I'm still happy because my reading has become a nonnegotiable habit and I'm enjoying it. It has been nice rereading and remembering more, and I enjoy coming across passages I've highlighted in the past. They're like messages to my future self.


So last night I was reading and was struck by these verses.

"And now remember, remember, my brethren, that whosoever perisheth, perisheth unto himself; and whosoever doeth iniquity, doeth it unto himself; for behold, ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free.
He hath given unto you that ye might know good from evil, and he hath given unto you that ye might choose life or death; and ye can do good and be restored unto that which is good, or have that which is good restored unto you; or ye can do evil, and have that which is evil restored unto you."
--Helaman 14:30-31

I suppose these struck me because they're part of a repeated epiphany for me about life choices. Ultimately I choose how I see things, how I live my life, how I respond to things other people do (or don't do), so in the end there aren't ANY excuses. (Frightening.) It's so much easier to blame other people or circumstances for causing the way I feel, but ultimately that's crap. I have to choose to rise up and be a better wife, mother, daughter, friend, etc., and stop keeping score or feeling wronged by other people. It's like I'm choosing to carry a heavy backpack when I'd so rather have my hands free. It's such a simple concept, but so hard to implement and master.

**What do you think?**

Emotional Mess

I'm not sure if it's because of the anesthesia, the pain pills, the stress of the pain from the last week or what, but I'm officially a wreck. I haven't cried this much in years! I never cry really, even when it would be appropriate or helpful, I just can't squeeze out a tear and yet now I have absolutely no control and seem to be sobbing over nothing. It's a nuisance. I suppose it's a good release and perhaps more accurately indicates my true feelings, but I feel like I'm no longer myself.


I've been struggling a bit with my expectations of family and the humiliation of having to ask for help. I guess I'm usually the one offering to help other people and am not really keen on being on this side of things, especially since I feel like I need so much right now. I've been particularly touched and grateful for the goodness that has come my way in the past couple of days, it has helped take the edge off my raw emotions.

Natasha sent me these darling, colorful personalized cards . What a delight. Thanks Natasha! (Her daughter Luci sent some cute ones to Whitney as well.)

Elizabeth sent me this beautiful card congratulating me on catching the travel bug. I love the word possibility and love the images of the globe and the books. Thanks Elizabeth!

Anna sent me this thoughtful package yesterday, with a sweet note thanking me for hosting the Sistas' breakfast. She also sent some handmade holiday magnets, cute ribbon, and some chipboard letters with my initials. I love it all. Thanks Anna!

Cute Hannah showed up at my door with this nice basket full of soft foods for me to eat while recovering from having my surgery. She is always so thoughtful and this visit was particularly touching. I was in tears while trying to thank her and just felt like such a schmuck because she just had a baby, has her own health problems going on yet was still at my house taking care of me! Thanks Hannah.

This is a close-up of the basket of soft goodies Hannah brought me. There's pudding, jello, Popsicles, Gatorade and a nice little note. Thanks so much Hannah! I'm such a sucker for cute things in a basket, why is that?

Jana went to Barnes & Noble to pick us each up a copy of our book club book (which has to be finished in 5 days) and delivered it to my house with this tasty strawberry slushy drink from Sonic. We both thought we had already bought a copy of it (early onset senility perhaps) so were quite panicked when we realized we didn't have it yet. Thanks Jana!

Amie has been so helpful with my wisdom-teeth issues this week and has shuttled my kids, had them over to her house, has listened to me complain and moan A LOT, and then today brought me 2 pints of KFC potatoes and gravy and a chocolate shake (which was in the fridge, I didn't even realize she'd gotten me that until much later) and hung out and visited for awhile too. Thanks Amie!!


My visiting teaching partner and co-primary teacher Lori brought over this pizza, soda and pie within an hour of talking to me and finding out that I was recovering from my wisdom-teeth surgery. She's got her own crap going on and is even teaching for me tomorrow, but still went out of her way to get these things and bring them over. So nice! Her visit and delivery were so unexpected and I was in tears yet again as she hugged me and told me she loved me. It makes me want to do better at taking care of others.

I've also gotten some quality therapy from concerned friends like Kristi, Michelle and Collette on the phone from far away. It has definitely helped me not to feel so alone or out of sorts.

**How do you handle times like this?
Do you have to ask for help or do people just step in?
Do little gifts and acts of service help you
feel loved the way they help me?
Am I crazy?**

What's in your wallet--SPT

I'm trying to catch up on the blogging world now that I'm semi-coherent again (I think). I have loved seeing what everyone has in the purses and am sharing what's in mine (apparently it's a lot).

I'm super practical when it comes to purses, I always buy black and it's usually from Target. I like seeing other people's cute purses, but don't like changing all my gear from purse to purse. I tend to find the perfect bag for me and then stick with it until it falls apart.

{Click on photo to enlarge}

This looks like a ton of stuff in my purse, but really with the compartments it's pretty organized.

Main Section
I only keep my wallet and camera in the main part of my purse, along with my migraine medicine and other pain relievers in the little zipper pocket in there, oh and backup batteries for my camera, and tampons.

Front pockets
I keep my phone in one of the pockets, my checkbook, little composition book, pens, gum, and lipsticks in the other one. My sunglasses are usually tucked in there or on my face.

Back pocket
The back pocket of my purse holds the majority of my paper items. I keep a baggie of coupons, good mail labels, blank cards, my ward list of addresses, the blogger addresses, extra stamps, a family photo, receipts, my camera manual, extra stamps, and my keys. Phew, that's a lot.

I actually ended up discarding a bunch of outdated items after I saw them all spread out on the table like that. I didn't realize I had so much in there, no wonder it's always so heavy.

Chipmunk Cheeks

I made it through and am now 4 teeth lighter! Hooray, what an ordeal, and to think that last week at this time I had no idea these pesky teeth were going to take over my life (or my blog...the opposite of riveting).

This is a foxy photo of me in the chair waiting for things to get underway. I hadn't felt very anxious until I was sitting there looking at the instruments in the room (I'm prone to passing out) and wasn't feeling too keen on any of that. I actually said to Randy "I wish I could sleep through this part." My wish was soon granted.

Here's my lovely panoramic x-ray taken by my dentist. I had to call her office at 4:00 on Tuesday to see if I could have a copy of it to take to the surgeon's office. Her husband answered and said they were just getting ready to leave for the day but he would set it outside for me (very nice). When I told him my name he said "Oh, yours is the blog my sister reads all the time." (How funny is that?) I pretty much broke down and began telling him what a wreck I was and how much it hurt and he said "Yeah, she told us, is there anything we can do?" That was mighty nice and kind of funny, especially because his sister *Natalie* doesn't comment very often so I didn't think she read anymore (come out, come out wherever you are). I felt like a celebrity, but different.

Apparently the surgery went great. Once they hooked me up to the I.V. I was OUT! When I started to wake up I could hear them talking and didn't realize they were already done. (What a relief!) I had a hard time waking up and felt super groggy and kind of silly. Randy kept laughing at me (he really should add to this post because his perspective would probably be more accurate and hilarious). This is a picture he took of me in the car on the way home, my chipmunk cheeks were already in bloom.

Here's another foxy photo of me on the bed when I first got home. I was so out of it. I slept for a couple of hours while Randy ran around picking up my prescriptions for me. He took very good care of me and made sure I didn't get out of bed or do anything foolish. I got up around 9:00pm and felt good enough to eat some mashed potatoes (gotta love KFC) and watch some tv. I'm still up and it's 2:12am right now. I'm feeling strangely good.


Fortunately Amie came had picked up the kids today at 2:00pm and shuttled them out to freakin Eagle Mountain so they could stay at my parents' house overnight and for tomorrow. This was tremendously helpful. The house was pretty clean when they left and now it will stay that way (that's good for my mental health, especially under these circumstances). It will be nice to be able to rest and have the house clean and quiet tomorrow (no neighbor kids) so I can deal with my chipmunk cheeks, any pain that comes my way, and my pressing need to rest at odd hours. Now if only they could stay gone until next week...

By the way, thanks for all the support and comments. Tasha even called to check on me and wish me well today, that was super nice. She's going in to be induced at 7:00am Eastern Time, how exciting, what was she doing thinking of me?!