Surprisingly (to me), I have never written a post about
The Five Love Languages. How is this possible? I'm not sure except that back when I first started blogging and thought about writing about it Amie did (though I can't find it in her archives right now), so I guess I felt that covered it for me too.
Anyway, I don't remember how this book came into my life, but it must have been recommended by someone because I would never pick up a book that looked this cheesy. I ended up reading it and felt like someone had revealed one of life's great mysteries to me. Suddenly things about myself and others began to make sense. The idea is that everyone "speaks" a certain love language and that once we figure out each others' languages we can better "communicate" with each other.
The languages are:
Quality Time
Physical Touch (doesn't mean sex)
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Gifts
I am definitely Gifts with Acts of Service being a close second. There is some guilt (at first) involved with finding out that Gifts is one's love language, because it seems to indicate some shallowness or greediness, but upon closer inspection it is revealed that this is not the case at all. For me it's a matter of thoughtfulness, so if someone brings me a .27 cent cup of Sonic ice that's a gift because they were thinking of me and took the time and trouble to go and wait through the line at the drive thru to get that for me. I think that's why good mail is such a big part of my life as well (both the sending and the receiving). My first thought when meeting a new person or feeling affection for someone is "what can I give them?" This is just my way.
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recently posted about the Five Love Languages as well and how her love language is gifts too. Well it's no wonder that this is the case, because look at this super thoughtful and amazing gift she sent me for my birthday. She sewed a quilt border around a quilted frame with the word "good mail" written in the middle", then framed it and wrote a really nice note on the back of the frame. I was speechless when I received this last Saturday. Seriously. I don't know Chanel, have never met her, seen her, or talked to her. I only know her from her blog. But she definitely knows how to speak my language.
{Collette came over with my favorite ice cream
and some caramel the other night.}
People tend to "speak" their own language so if your language is something different then it can be challenging to understand other people's motivations. It is very helpful to me to know that my sister Lori's language is Quality Time. She totally doesn't feel the same way I do about little gifts and thoughtfulness, she just wants to hang out together. Randy is the only person I know who is such a mystery wrapped in a riddle that his language is unknown. The closest I can deduce is that he must be words of affirmation (which is the hardest for me to speak), but even then I'm not sure about that. Most people are pretty easy to figure out, he's an enigma though.
**What language do you speak?
Do you have this book?**
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{Collette came over with my favorite ice cream
34 comments:
This book is life changing. I LOVE it and think of it as a reference book. I have been struggling lately and feel like I need to reread and re evaluate. LOVE, LOVE it and highly recommend it!
i have this book, have never really read it, i would probably be gifts as well, but now am more curious.
that gift from chanel is AMAZING!
This book really can change your life! I loved it! Isn't it interesting to think you know people, when they actually speak another language that you had no idea?!!
I am Quality Time.
Extra bonus if you and your spouse read it and don't discuss until you have both taken the test. Interesting!
Thanks for the motivation to get this book read. I have this book too and need to just completely read it. You'd think with it being a self-help type book I'd have it down by now. I know my language is acts of service and words of affirmation.
This book totally changed how I see people and how I act towards them. I love it- I think I loaned it out though...I can't find it. I am so a better wife and mom because of this book.
Mya is physical touch and gifts- although I am figuring out when and how she is which one.
Linc took me a while to figure out as well- he is acts of service
Mine are physical touch and quality time.
LOVE this book. I am Quality Time. I think I know what my husband is, but I haven't figured out Miriam (3), little kids get excited about EVERYTHING time, gifts, hugs, kind words...nothing has jumped out so far. I think there is a specific love language for kids book out there.
The thing that really changed me from reading this book is realizing that people show love the way they like to receive it. All the sudden gifts from my sister mean so much more to me. I don't have to hear my mom say "I Love You" because I know she is shouting it every time she comes to help me out.
I have never read this book although I have heard so much about it. I THINK I am words of affirmation, but probably need to read it and take the test to be sure. I guess I have a lot of self-evaluation to do.
I really enjoyed Monday night. Thanks for listening. :)
I LOVE this book. Someone gave it to me for my wedding and I read it on my honeymoon and is one of the reasons I think I have had an easy marriage (so far). Amie reminded me of it a few years back and I re read it...seriously...a LIFE CHANGING book. Brandon is quality time and words of affirmation...BIG TIME words of affirmation. Sometimes I feel like I am almost manipulating him when I pour on the compliments, but to see him light up and soften...it is just amazing how loving someone in their language makes them feel.
Great post...I work for a university counseling center and we were just discussing it this morning as a relationship resource for students. I love it. I am an acts of service and gifts. Definitely.
I have to admit that I have this book on our bookshelf, but have never read it. Thanks for sharing your opinion and how it's helped your relationships. I'm intriqued to pick it up now.
I've heard Lisa rave about this book, but have never read it myself. I forget about it when I'm at the book store, and like you ... would never pick it up based on the cheesy cover. It intrigues me, though. My girls are all so different, I'm sure it would be a help.
Beautiful gift from Chanel!
Can I say all of the above!?haha
just kidding. I need to get the book out again and review. My friend doesn't know what she 'is'.
Her hubs however does all of the above for/to her. I find it all very interesting. Your pix are great. I love ice cream!! ciao
This was a book club book about a year ago and I think it's a must read. From the little I know about you, gifts being your love language makes perfect sense. Of the five gifts, it's probably last on my list. I'm a Words of Affirmation girl. Which seems even more lame but it's how I show love too.
After that, it's probably physical touch. And, NO, it's not about sex. I'm not really much of a stranger hugger (I need to know someone a little before I press my bosom up against theirs) but once I know someone, I find great comfort in a shoulder squeeze, a neck rub or even a hand pat.
Look forward to finding out my Love Language! I love books that inspire, uplift and make you want to Love better.
I really want to read this book, was that a book club book? You're the third person who has blogged about it.
We had an Enrichment Night lesson about this book for Valentine's day.
I think most of us went out and bought it!
I'm an "acts of service" girl myself.
I agree this book looks so cheesy you have to force yourself to read it trusting the person that recommended it.
I'm glad that you like the gift. I wanted to give you something symbolic of how good mail started out small (by you) and how it has spread.
By the way I loved the thank you card you emailed me, I was laughing out loud!
My ward recently did an adult fireside based on this. which I quite enjoyed. I am Acts of Service while my husband is so totally Physical Touch (and I am so totally not). It can be really hard when you are so different in your languages. Good luck deciphering Randy's!
Have you read the Love Languages book for children?
I actually haven't read the Love Languages book for kids (though I gave it to Amie for Christmas 3 years ago and have been meaning to borrow it).
I read this book on your recommendation and found it totally eye-opening. I am acts of service with gifts coming in second. I'm pretty sure Marc is words of affirmation, and I find that one so hard! It really helps, though, to get a better idea of where people are coming from. I am intrigued with the idea that we can be showing each other love without receiving it because we don't perceive it as such. What a waste!
Pretty cool gift from Chanel!
I love this book & forgotten about it. I will definately reread it. I am gifts of service I know that. thanks for the great reminder-I really needed that.
MISSY i heard about this book through you...but only the title...i do not know anything about it and puzzle to know what i am and alf....good grief, i would think i am gifts...since i love to give them...what do you think......it does look cheesy
Yea! I just bought this on CD, and Love Languages for Teens, or something like that. I plan on all of us listening to it on an upcoming road trip.
I must be needing to read it because I have heard multiple references to it lately. Thanks for adding to my curiosity and excitement to dig in!
I need to get this and read it. I hae never heard of it nor have no idea what my love language is or will be. Can't wait to find out.
Love CHanel's quilt square.
I am surprised more talk hasn't been given to love languages. Once Adam and I embraced this book it changed my life. Literally. Without this understanding I would be living a very different life. I always recommend it to everyone.
I am quality time with service a close second. It's more than just spending time with someone though, it's someone going out of their way to be with you or making a date happen without you the wiser etc etc. You are giving me a gift today and I really appreciate it. Quality time with self can be just as therapeutic. Thanks!
Funny you wrote about this Jill...our family has been reading this book aloud together this past week and it's created some great discussion. And one day, when Melanie Bushman and I were visiting about different blogs we read, I said, "Jill's love language has definitely got to be gift-giving--that's how she's able to operate good mail so well." :)
Calvin and I read this book nine years ago and found it EXTREMELY beneficial. I've also given it as a wedding gift (though I think for the most part a year or so into marriage would probably be better timing).
Thanks so much for wishing me a public Happy Birthday as well as a private one. I've been gone to a wedding and haven't been near a computer 'til this morning, but I do appreciate it very, very much.
Love, Jane
I have never read the book but it sounds like I need to go and get it. If I had to guess it would probably be touch, now I must go and find out.
I can't seem to pin down which my husband is either. It proves somewhat difficult.
This is a great book, and was very helpful to me during the first few months of our marriage. I should probably read it again - and encourage my husband to do the same just as a refresher.
I am physical touch and quality time.
i have this book and have only read the very beginning. dave and i did the little quiz and i remember we were similar (quality time i think?). i want to read the whole thing and also think about it in regards to my kiddos. i'm sure it could help me be a better mom.
Chanel is one of a kind. Hopefully you will get to meet her in person someday. She is one of my closest buddies.
I haven't ever read that book.
gifts. definitely gifts. and I want to know if anyone has ever married someone with the same love language- I didn't and that would have been so helpful to think about during the dating process!
It's interesting, Brett's is acts of service and my sister pointed out that Alexis' language is gifts. Funny because those are the 2 I don't speak. Mostly I'm quality time (which gratefully is a close second for Brett, although our ideas of quality time are quite different) followed closely behind by physical touch, but I often use words of affirmation.
My language is quality time, but as a subset I'd have to say it truly is talk. Spending time without talking is not quality to me (while Brett likes to just be in the same room with you). If I share information with you I'm sharing love. The people I choose to share stories, advice, and even gossip with are those whom I love the most.
i missed this original post on my summer blogout but melanie's post sent me here. WOW> it must be popular b/c my huge library system is out of it and has a zillion copies. i am on the waiting list but i can't wait
thanks for yet another great suggestion
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