Why, oh why must we celebrate Mother's Day?
It is the opposite of restful for any mother I know.
If each mother must celebrate her mother,
then the work never ends.
Husbands are foolish and rarely get the point.
Some even think they're wives are not their mothers,
and don't end up recognizing their greatness.
Every mother, good or not, carries the weight of the world.
So thanks for nothing, you holiday inventor you,
for giving us a tizzy-filled, guilt-inducing weekend
that often leads to disappointment.
What were you thinking?
I just want to take a nap.
43 comments:
I'm going to come off as all annoyingly holier-than-thou...and I'm really not meaning to be. BUT...I have been less disappointed with ALL holidays if I remember to focus on how it applies to others and stop thinking about what the holiday is supposed to be doing for me (insert valentines, anniversary...arbor day). So, tomorrow is all about my own mother and my mother-in-law, and if my own family happens to remember, which is looking doubtful right now, then the happier are we. Trust me, it gets me away from the little black clouds that like to float above my head.
My birthday, on the other hand, is all about what everyone is supposed to be doing for me. That's my exception.
I hope your mother's day is a good one, regardless. May you get a nap and may all your wildest maternal dreams come true. Because you really do deserve it.
I hope your Mother's Day exceeds your expectations. And I would be interested in a post (or poem) on Lucy's arbor day expectations.
Sleep all day--and I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day! Low expectations usually do lead to some pleasant surprises.
This pretty much sums up how I felt at 7 pm tonight, when Kim and the kids dashed into Hallmark and instructed me to sit in the car. Hmm.
It's not even about what I get, because Randy always does something thoughtfulish. I'm more bugged by the grand scheme of it and general attitude. How many women are making their own Mother's Day dinners? That's just not right.
I guess I have always been the type to say to my husband, "This is what I want to have happen"--it makes for a lot less disappointment.
I like Mother's Day! I am late getting out the small albums I made for my mother and mother-in-law but they won't hold that against me (and if they do..it is their problem, not mine...but I don't think they will).
One of the first things I did as bishop's wife was to nix the flower-giving on Mother's Day because I always ended up with something ugly or something that would die within a couple days :). Now every woman 18 or older gets chocolate--yum!
(And, I only cook dinner if I want to).
Hope you have a great Mother's Day anyway, Jill!
Love it! Love it! Love it! I'm with ya 100% on this wretched holiday. One of the cards I sent said "Mother's Day - 1 day of appreciation surrounded by 364 days of reality!"
Happy Mother's Day! Hope you get a great nap!
And yes - I will be making my own Mother's Day dinner.
All I want to do is sleep in, if I get that I'll be happy. This is my first mother's day though to I'm not cynical yet, just give me time.
I hope you have a happy mother's day anyways.
You must see this blog http://jetsetcarina.blogspot.com/ for another humorous cynical view of the mother's day.
my initial comment is: AMEN. :) this year, especially.
I was going to just say AMEN but I did find Lucy's comment insightful. Thanks for the food for the thought, Lucy.
And I must say I wish every bishop's wife was as brilliant as Becky. Chocolate for everyone. In our ward, the men get chocolate for Father's Day but not the women on Mother's Day. What is up with that!?
I hear you about dinner. Because my husband is in a leadership position, he doesn't even come home for dinner on Sundays. We'll see what happens for tomorrow, but I'm not holding out much hope.
yeah, i hear you on this one. i hope you have a good one. i get to talk in sacrament meeting. oh boy! ( :
I hope you get your nap. And I hope the primary kids are attentive and responsive to your Sharing Time.
Enjoy the day! And thanks for the rant, it made me laugh.
hey missy it is not even mother's day yet..in the US. Unless you are celebrating ala Mexico which happens to be today!....take a nap, missy a long one....this is too funny! I actually love getting to go out and have a special day...although no one really took me out to have one...I did go for awhile, alone!
I tell you - I've been stressing all week about what to give the grandmas. I just don't have any more ideas in me this year.
And I'm sorry to say you just got six emails from me instead of one -blame it on a computer and pregnancy brain spasm!
I want a nap too Jill!
I did help some husbands pick out gifts for their wives at the fancy cooking store here. They were so proud of themselves!
I took this morning for me since my mom was coming this afternoon and Dave's mom is coming tomorrow afternoon, so I knew any respite I would have would end. As it turned out, my sleep in was interrupted by an on-call Dave waking me to go into surgery.
I just want to say Happy Mother's Day Jill. The one time I've been around Whitney she was so caring and kind with Evie, so sharing, and I know where she comes by that!
amen! i have always hated mother's day. valentine's day i can kind of morph into a "family" love day but mother's day is just yucky. seriously, could someone just buy me flowers on a plain old day just because they love me not because there's a holiday that says they have to? and church? oh man, it's the one sunday a year i try my darndest to get sick! the sacrament talks always make me feel like a big LOSER!
good luck, thanks for the rant, and happy mother's day jill!
Wow, I'm with Lucy regarding Mother's Day being about the moms in your life - it isn't always about us. Is it perhaps more insightful that so many women who claim that motherhood is their highest calling choose to rant on Mother's Day? That is sad. I expect this comment will be quickly deleted...
Oh man! I hope your day turns out better than you hoped or expected!!!
So far mine has been nice.
I'm not deleting your comment anonymous, but isn't it perhaps telling that you can't stand by your own rude comment?
I told jeff last night that i have high expectations for mother's day (what a shocker)
i gave him my list of what I want to have happen and to just be down right excited for me all day - it is noon and he has been speaking in the cutest voice all day, like "hey look it is breakfast time, yippeee!" or "time to get ready for church - what a great day"
i have been laughing so hard that now i don't even care if he makes a yummy dessert tonight.
sad it has taken me 14 years to figure out i am easier to please than i thought i just need to tell him exactly what to do.
I do LOVE a nap on Mother's Day. But I LOVE the day with or without a nap.
I hope you are pleasantly surprised with your day, Jill. Because there is nothing to love about being disappointed.
I have to comment again after coming back to read more comments and after reading Holly's post yesterday.
I am totally shocked that so many women hate Mother's Day...I guess I just don't see what there is to hate...
I'm not saying ya'll aren't entitled to your opinion, but I honestly want to come to an understanding of what the issue is here. I love that Mother's Day gives me an opportunity to reflect on ALL the great women in my life (sisters, friends, moms, etc.) and gives me an excuse to take a break.
I can understand how holidays can be frustrating when we don't communicate our expectations (totally have to say "Amen" to Kristi's comment!). Why don't we choose to let go of guilt, embrace the day, state what we want, and then enjoy what comes our way?
I hope that things turn out better than expected for those whose expectations are low...and I hope that eventually you won't dread this day quite so much :)
sad and selfish
anonymous:
judgemental and cowardly.
I grew up with my mom HATING mother's day. Not because of anything that you have mentioned. Only because her mom died when she was a young mother and she hated it when people would stand up and talk about how they couldn't live without their mom's and how wonderful everything was because their mom was in their life. My mom didn't EVER get to experience that. She did the best she could without a mom.
I honestly enjoy certain aspects of Mother's Day but there are other aspects that I am more sensitive to because of my mom's experiences and because I didn't grow up with a grandma.
I read a post where the person struggled with infertility and she hates mother's day.
I think we need to be more sensitive to others. I thought your poem expresses a lot of the same feelings that a lot of people have....they just don't want to admit it! I think that it really is just overrated and why not thank mom everyday instead of only one day. That is the best gift that could ever be given.
I'm with Kristi--as long as I tell my husband and kids what I love, they seem to come through (they seem to need a lot of detailed instructions). I have been spoiled in the ways that they treat me all year long, not just on Mother's Day. I hope all moms (and women that aren't moms) have had a great day, because it's surely well-deserved, and in my book, that includes a good nap and many meals that they didn't have to prepare.
Huh. Who knew this was going to be such a controversial post! I'm so sorry that you got another migraine yesterday -- what the hell? 4 in like 10 days?? Sadly, I find that I just have really low expectations for days like Mother's Day, and occasionally I am pleasantly surprised.
I am not a huge Mother's Day fan......I hate going to church and hearing about great mothers that make me feel like I am failing as a mother. We were lucky today because Sacrament meeting was about families instead of Moms....kind a nice change! My family does not make a big deal about it which is kind of nice....they do give me gift but that's about it. My husband is not a huge mother's day fan his Mom died on Mother's Day when he was 17 and they did not get along well at the time and I think he feels bad now.
I don't understand "the grand scheme" thing you are talking about.(comment #5) There's no conspiricy out there.
And what "general attitude" are you talking about? Every holiday is what you make of it. You don't have to have the same Mother's Day as you see on T.V. or see in the Hallmark store.
I am a firm believer in making the choice to be happy. I know you suffer from depression. I also did for 20 years. You may not believe it, I didn't 5 years ago either, but you choose every minute of the day what your mood will be.
Will today be a day you help others or will you focus on yourself? Will you let others effect you, or will you let your effects be felt by others?
I wish you true happiness.
I still can't believe you are a poet and I had no idea. (I deleted "I didn't know it" because I wasn't trying to be cheesy..) It is impressive that you have another talent.
I am a little speechless... especially after reading the comments...
I hesitate to speak because I don't want to sound lecture-y but something that has been swirling in my head (that has nothing to do with Mother's day) happened several weeks ago in Sunday School... someone commented about losing ourself in the service of others... and that she always held a bit back thinking "who is going to take care of me" (or why do I have to go first... you know like if we are always out giving... what do we get kind of thing or why do we have to be the first to change/give) and that we need to stop the "what about me" if we lose ourselves in doing good we will be taken care of and be happy. She bore her testimony of the change in her life. This is really bad paraphrasing since I can't find the notes I took but I have been trying to worry a little less about myself and instead focus on giving more... I do feel more peace in my own life. This comment is more for me than you but I still had to share.
I'm sorry you had a rough weekend. I missed the migraine part (saw it in Michelle's comment)... I hope you are feeling better!
I forgot to say...
If you want your Mother's Day to just be a nap. Tell your family. I'm sure they know you don't like the holiday. They're probably pretty stressed out about what to do for you anyway.
Your poem said "guilt inducing?" No one has ever made me feel guilty about what I do as a mother. Just because someone else brags about something their wife or mom has done doesn't have anything to do with you. Ask your kids, ask your husband. If you don't know what you do well, then ask them in an honest conversation about what you do well.
Your Mother's Day should be about you. It's not what anyone else says or does.
I have to say, you've got me in a tizzy with this poem!
Don't let the annoyn. comments bother you. They were cowardly to not leave their name, but you have recently posted quite a bit about the lurkers out there not commenting. Take it as a compliment that you have inspired such controversal conversations.
Ok, just read your Sunday thoughts and had to come check out the hubbub (of course!). Blog drama mildly cracks me up. But I 100% agree with your attitude of you post for yourself. Hope your day turned out decent anyhow. I've had a non-eventful day myself, but have felt somehow overwhelmed with gratitude for my role as a mother all day. It's good for ME to remember that whenever possible.
I hate anonymous commentors. Good grief. I hope your day was better than what you expected--maybe as your children grow older, they will take more initiative to really make it a day for you!
Love the poem!
Man- those anonymous comments...I have had my fair share of them and I still don't get the point of trying to hurt someone else all the while safely shielding yourself.
The discussion here is interesting and a bit controversial. I think it is fine to love or hate the day- not knowing someone's background and their relationship with their own mother or husband for that matter, you just can't judge! I have never had a "good" mother's day- all 5 of them and yesterday was by far the worst one yet with tantrums and record breaking whining and tests that Linc had to study for. Yet I still like the idea of the day and had a great time celebrating my mom. But your poem has some lines of total truth for me, so I get it. And now it is 365 days until you/we have to think about it again!
I can totally relate to your Mother's Day poem.
I didn't have to cook my own dinner -- but I wish I would have. Instead I was stuck spending it at my In-laws. On the way over my son told me that my Mother's Day was over and now Grandma's started. What's up with that crap?!?!? At least this year my husband reminded him that it was still my Mother's Day also (that is a total first).
I'm a little late in commenting on your rant and all the hubbub it inspired. Emily read your poem to me yesterday and it hit home! For me, the guilt comes from feeling like I can never be the "typical" mother described in all of those Primary songs and flowery poems. Furthermore, I feel I can never do enough for my own mother--not because she's demanding, but I guess because I have unrealistic expectations of myself.
After reading my daughters' Mother's Day posts, I'm trying to modify my attitude to one of gratitude and aspiration. I love your honesty and forth-rightness (is that a word?). And you do have a right to say what's on your mind on your own blog. Press on!
Amen to that sista girl!
I totally get what you are saying.
This holiday (like Valentines) is a huge emotional burden...work your butt off to get honored (big honkin' yippee.)
Anonymous, you ARE a coward...do you wear a black cape & face mask while lurking on blogs too???
Wow. I'm sorry Mr. Norman Bates anonymous there who obviously has a close relationship with his own mother has to interfere with yours.
Here's my own rant... I hate the holiday. Part of it stems from balancing my mother's own depression about the holiday and my mother-in-law's demands to whom I don't feel any allegiance.
But then what I expect from my husband is the opposite of what I get. On mother's day Brett's dad once stated "well I guess I better go get your mother some flowers." I think of that every year when I get an obligatory gift without emotion. I don't want anything. I just want a little gratitude, love. The sad thing is it's the opposite of what I give my mother and mother-in-law too. Just obligation to be there, get the stress over with, and get on with my life.
So all around the holiday leaves me irritated. It's one redeeming quality is Alexis' excitement to shower me with love and homemade gifts. It's what the holiday is all about, but topped with the other disasters, it's just not worth holding a day to say you're going to recognize mothers and then not doing anything about it.
This actually makes me think of my own mother because she is often the woman behind the scenes doing it all. I feel badly about that, that I've left her to do it. I need to be better next year.
I hope it was a good day despite the rude anonymous comments you were dealing with. You are a fabulous mother and a mother to more children than just your own. I always appreciate the way you love mine like they are yours. I can't imagine anyone saying you're selfish...so far from.
I know this comment is late but better late then never. I hate Mother's day also. My husnand had to work all day so no help with kids, no flowers or even a card. It's even worse when you have step children because they get their mom a nice gift and I get a phone call. I guess something is better then nothing.
Maybe everyone just needs to calm down.
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