I'm actually not in a very "Sunday Thoughts" kind of place thanks to the rude anonymous comments I got on my Mother's Day Rant--A Poem post from yesterday. I'm just trying to remind myself that it's my blog and I can say what I want to say and that cowards who comment anonymously don't have the right to ruin my day. So thanks for your rude comments, why didn't you just post something flowery and dreamy about Mother's Day on your blog instead? Good grief.
Mother's Day is full of contradicting emotions for me, and I feel the weight of it more as a daughter than as a mother. Randy and the kids always do something sweet for me on Mother's Day, so though I still had to do my motherly duties as we hurried to get ready for church this morning, I have had a good day.
It is my relationship with my mother and sisters, and then my mom's relationship with her mother and sisters that tie my stomach in knots and make me want to run for the hills. These relationships have so much history, that there can be tenderness and tension at every gathering. I can feel both sentimental and mental during the course of one conversation. Maybe that's just the nature of families, but sometimes it feels like too much for me.
So when Mother's Day rolls around and we spend several hours on Saturday washing walls and curtains, pruning bushes, planting trees and washing windows at my grandma's house with complaints being felt and muttered quietly I'm left to wonder who we're doing this for and why? So call me sad and selfish for wanting good feelings on Mother's Day, maybe I am.
78 comments:
"I can feel both sentimental and mental during the course of one conversation." Oh Jill, this depicts some of my family relationships, perfectly. You nailed it with this sentence.
I think that is one of the hard things of living so close to family. It definitely has its greatness, but it also has a unique kind of stress that until you live it you don't appreciate.
Hang in there. I'm rooting for you.
As always Jill, thank you for your honesty. I applaud it!
The older I get the less expectations I place on holidays...
I had good mail in the mailbox when we got home from AZ last night but haven't gotten a card from my college kid yet!!! I just don't let things upset me anymore otherwise I might always be upset!
happy mother's day.. that is neat you do that for your grandma..
we don't see either of our mom's for mother's day.. so that extended family thing is kinda out the window for this holiday..
anyway.. hope you had a good one!
sorry about the anonomous (sp?) comments.. your a strong girl.. and you can't let that stop you!
I think your poem was misunderstood. I reread it and still don't find it selfish.
As with all other holidays (and birthdays) a gesture should be genuine and from the heart.
My mom always used to tell us that the ONLY thing she wanted for mothers day was for us (her kids) to be together and be happy and helpful and kind. We used to sort of roll our eyes at this, but now I completely understand.
Well, I enjoyed BOTH of your posts and appreciate your frankness. Hugs!!
happy mother's day friend.
Happy Mother's Day Jill.
Happy Mothers Day Jill!
I am not a fan of anonymous comments. It is cowardly. If you think it, and feel the need to say it...on someone ELSE's blog, then own up to it. I'm sorry you got blindsided by a couple of them, and sorrier still if anything I said gave them any ammunition. My comments certainly weren't intended to debate yours. I was just talking friend to friend. Yikes.
I hope your day improves and you continue to feel comfortable and open on your blog. And I really hope that the somebody who called you sad and selfish realizes how sad and selfish they were being by leaving that comment.
Mother's Day is frustrating to me because I am already fully aware of my flaws as a mom - I don't need an entire sacrament meeting devoted to the things I'm NOT doing right! My favorite statement is "My mom never yelled. She never raised her voice." Yeah right!!! Either that mom was a saint and was translated with the city of Enoch or that child has a lousy memory!
I got my nap. Hope you got yours!
Hey Jill, I just got up from a 2 hour nap! Hope you got yours!
I want to applaude you for your honesty! I agree that if nothing else, YOUR blog should be about you and how you feel, positive and negative. The one thing I love about having a blog is having the right to express how I feel, and hopefully have someone out there that understands that feeling and can either validate it, or help me to see the other side. What keeps drawing me back to your blog is that I feel you are a real person, who is not trying to be something other than you. I love it, and even though I haven't ever met you, I truly am grateful for you.
I understand your feelings with your mother, her mother, and your sisters. My mother has issues that came from her mother. It has been an emotional roller coaster my entire life. I have four sisters and we had the same disconnect that my mother had until one of my sister's died. It took that tragedy before we could put away the issues and just be sisters. We all live within a 20 mile radius of each other, except one sister who lives in SLC. Some days I would pay money to move away, and other days, I'm so grateful to be close. Neighbor Jane is right. Unique kind of stress.
Happy Mother's Day, Jill.
I'm still coming to terms with how I feel about Mother's Day. There are a lot of things influencing my feelings, but this year PMS is a primary factor and I'm having a hard time just keeping quiet and not letting the hormones say things that I'll regret later. I'll defer my opinion on this one until next year. . .
oh jill-- hugs to you.
family relationships-- especialy sister to sister and mother to daughter-- can be wonderful but can be just as stressful.
i hope your day is better than you thought it would be.
I want to comment. I guess that is obvious.
I grew up with a mother that was queen of tantrums on mothers' day (I still love and worship her flaws and all). It was a day to celebrate her and she was doing all the work. We didn't help, even though there were 5 of us.
This is the first year I understand, and oh boy do I understand. I was relaying this insight to my mother today, and she told me that she is just now getting her revenge. Her mother's days are calm and peaceful, while ours are not.
So this is to say, I know where you are coming from. I am wishing for you and for me, someday they will be calm and peaceful.
Oh Jill, I am just now seeing those Anonymous comments from yesterday - they need to get a life!! Maybe they are upset that you are comfortable enough to voice your true thoughts?
I sometimes get disappointed with how Kim does things - like running out to Hallmark for last-minute gifts. But then when I reflect I realize that is one of the things I admire most about her, that she just doesn't sweat stuff like that as I do.
I can totally relate to the sentimental vs. mental. I love my mom very much but we are not close at all. I enjoy Mother's Day more now that I am a mother myself.
I try not to put expectations on the day - and I don't mean gift-wise, I just mean about how it's supposed to go, according to how I have planned the day in my head. I liked Kristi's comment about how you need to let your spouse know what's in your head and I totally agree. I mean, how would Kim know that sleeping in and waking up to a heaping bowl of Cream of Wheat is my idea of heaven unless I say so?!
Hugs from the South!!
Jill, thanks for saying more about this topic. I re-read MY comments and I want you to know that they were from my heart and honest statements of how I see things but I hope they didn't come across as judgmental to you or anyone else.
And I'm upset on your behalf that someone would anonymously state two negative words and nothing more.
I think back to the conversation I had with you at lunch and how we talked about our families...I can understand your feelings about this aspect of Mother's Day...it's 5:00 my time and I haven't called my mother...
But I do still love Mother's Day and I don't ever allow myself to feel guilty during the sacrament meeting talks, etc. In my mind I call it Happy Woman's Day and just try to celebrate all the relationships (good and bad) that I have with other women that have taught me so much.
I'm praying that your day ends on a good note and that we can still be friends :)
I feel the same issues..I feel guilty about the holiday because sometimes I dont know if I even like being a mother...Of course I snap out of it the minute I get kisses from my babies, but I understand just the same. Being a mom is hard and sometimes unsatisfying..enduring to the end is the key. The Lord understands the struggles. LOL
There is a joke in my family that goes "Are we sure we WANT to spend eternity with each other?" haha
I must admit I am a lurker more than a commenter (Elisa's SIL). Sorry you were saddened by the anonymous comments. Mother's Day seems to bring up so many strong feelings in so many of us. Being a mother is perhaps the hardest thing I have ever done (not that we are ever finished) but can also bring the most intense joy. Your blog is a great forum for connecting.
I love your honesty about everything you write about--and I can totally relate to "sentimental and mental"--that is my family in a nutshell. The thing I have loved most about your blog in the last months is your ability to verbalize so many feelings and thoughts that run through my head but I can't seem to pin down. Even though we haven't met, I have felt uplifted and motivated by you and your readers that leave helpful comments (emphasis on helpful). I hope your day has been great and that you recognize what a strong voice you have. Thanks for sharing it with me!
there will always be freaks out there--just let them be and move on just like you have..
mothers day here has been low key which is just so lovely!
I'm so sorry you got some rotten anonymous comments! That is so stinky!
I can completely understand your feelings in regards to this holiday. Mothers never really get a rest. It sounds like there were some good intentions for your grandma, but not very many good feelings mixed into the group.
I hope you have a good Mother's Day Jill!!
Happy Mother's Day! Hope you had a great day!
Sorry to read about the anonymous commenter. My face got red just reading it. What a sad way to voice an opinion.
This is very interesting, Jill. I was just thinking about how I just don't have those conflicted feelings about my mother and sister. Then I read Jane's comment. Everything could definitely be different if all of my family lived in one place. Who knows? I think it really is a unique kind of stress.
In any case, I hope you had a nap today, that you enjoyed your lack of carnations today (even if you did have a hand in it), and that you're feeling better than you were yesterday! Happy Shmother's Day.
Wow. Mother's Day brings up a lot of things for you. But then, you aren't really into holidays. Shamalentine's Day, for example.
I hope you had a good day and felt appreciated for all the work you do.
I LOVE your new banner!!!!
I have been out of the blog loop and feel a little overwhelmed at the moment... I am not sure what to comment. I hope you had a really great day despite...
I personally don't see Mother's Day as anything more than a day to do something nice for the people we love.... even if it is cheesy... it is just a token of how we feel all the time but that we don't always say. I choose to think that moms are loved and appreciated all the time not just on "their special day."
Thank you Aime. I agree. Your key word was "choose"
Happy Mother's Day to all, and to all a good night!
Wow I just got home a couple of hours ago from a trip down south. I feel like I missed out on the hot button blog topic of the weekend!!
Man oh man, mother's day is such a touchy subject for so many-- me included.
Well, it's all been said...
let me just add- you are great jill. If anyone out there doesn't know how unselfish & giving you are- they haven't been reading very long!!!
hey jill-
i just want to send you a cyber hug right now. so consider that done.
i also appreciate your honesty- that's one of the things i like best about you. sometimes things aren't pleasant and things have to be said as it is- you do that AND you tell it like it is when things are good!
i totally get the complicated family issues- one sent me into a tear-filled tizzy last night and i'm terrified to spend 2 weeks in the same town as the majority of them.
i'm not a fan of anonymous comments- seriously, if somebody won't say it to your face (or your cyber face), why say it at all?
this is one long comment- sorry!
Anonymous comments like that would really annoy me too. I can understand feeling contradicting emotions of sentimental and mental at the same time. And I really do feel pressure on this holiday b/c it feels almost impossible to express gratitude in a meaningful enough way. My only success is writing a nice note trying to capture how I really feel. I am also learning that I need to do what Kristi does and prep my husband - either that or keep my expectations in check. :-) Sounds like your family does it right fo you and I'm glad.
I agree w/ Susan: the thing I love about your blog--and thus what I love about YOU as a person--is the "realness" of your documenting! You scribble life down as it IS...as you feel it. We should all do that! Life is real, life is gritty, life is all about ups-and-downs, and life is NOT a constant smiley face.
Unless you are on meth.
Which I am not.
I love reading your blog--and feeling like I'm your friend (just a hint of stalker there...)--because I can relate to you! You're real. And I like real people.
ditto on crystal's comment!
Thanks so much for the honesty in your posts--you're such a genuine person :)
I completely understand the push and pull of being a daughter. We talked about it friday, Hallmark doesn't make a card for it, eh? We do the best we can, we have conflicting emotions, we get through the day, and we have headaches and want a nap.
I think you were a bit unfairly trounced upon, maybe it would serve us all well to realize that we don't always know the back story to people's feelings and that we may not be entitled to know it, we just need to love and be loving.
Personally, I think you are a Rock Star.
I feel like you about mothers day. I made sure that I got packages ready and mailed them off early for both our mothers. Each called loving what I had sent.
I cooked my own dinner. Cleaned it up. Did all the normal things that I do. The only moment that it felt like mothers day. Was when I was given little gifts my little girls who had made things at school or activity day's. Their sweet word showed me that I was making a difference in thier lives. They loved me.
Then my neighbor called with some left over desert that she wanted to share. I was cleaning dishes when she called. "My hubby and boy's are cleaning up the dinner they cooked me." Her children helped make her dinner. Then served her dinner. They rubbed her feet with lotion, as she lounged in pj's after church. I went in anonouced to my hubby what they were doing, he was reading a book. So he laughed.
I skipped church. Hubby did not feel like going after being in meeting's on Saturday. So, Since the priesthood was taking over primary. I skipped not feeling like going it alone. Which I do often these day's.
I have gone on and on. Let me just ad that I do really love your poem.
I was slighten taken aback by your 'rant' post, but I think it's because I can't really relate since I don't have any children. I've never even considered that the day might be somewhat disappointing for many mom's out there. It has made me stop to think more about what I can do to make the day more special for my mom and Rich's mom.
So, thanks for giving me a reason to stop and reflect on how I can be a more considerate and caring daughter.
Interesting to note that the obnoxious anonymous commenter doesn't have anything else to say. Talk about a groove buster! UGH!
I love Jane's comment! And Amie's. I have no expectations right now in this stage of our life and motherhood when it comes to holidays, and as sad as that sounds, it makes those days bearable for me. Whether I relate or agree with how you feel on everything, I always admire your honesty in putting them out there. Hope you got your nap in yesterday!
I think I'm with Michelle a bit on this...if I was living in the same place with all my sisters/mom there could be some interesting feelings...even though we all get along well and love each other.
My problem with Mother's day are the days leading up to it feeling pressure to be the perfect, fun, great cooking, cute skinny Mom. All I wanted were cards made from my kids and a nice breakfast. The thanks for being a Mom comes years later I believe.
Glad you had a nice day...sorry your hard work wasn't appreciated by all.
I must "de-lurk" and comment! I have been reading your blog for a while but I guess I feel shy about commenting because I don't know you personally. Though it does make me feel a bit guilty so I need to get over it! One reason I enjoy your blog so much is because you are so honest about yourself. What courage you have to put yourself out there for all to read. So many things you have written have touched me and made me want to be a better person and a better friend to others. Thank you for being you!
We've never lived close to family, and so from a distance it does seem flowery and sentimental. But, I know for certain that it comes with it's own kind of stress. One of the things I love about you and your blog is that I feel like I'm getting the real deal every time.
Anonymous comments disturb me. They are mean-spirited and cowardly, and I don't understand how anyone justifies that.
hey i actually reread your poem again, and still don't get where this person went off..you never ever mentioned that your calling as a mother was nirvana and behind it, you rant...so WHATEVER....to those girls...I actually liked your poem and must say that Surrending expectations will honestly free us from dissapointments.
I agree with Claudia, I don't know what that person was thinking! Your honesty makes you even more amazing! I hope you had a great Mother's Day!
I laughed out loud when I read the "sentimental/mental" description! Too funny.
I'm sorry you got some anonymous rude comments. If people have a difference of opinion can't they just express it nicely??
I like Mother's Day myself and do look forward to it and so didn't feel exactly the same as your poem although some things definitely rang true. BUT...this post today!! I can TOTALLY relate. Yesterday morning was wonderful...spent just with my own little family.
Yesterday evening spent with my Grandma, Mom, and 2 of my sisters...less delightful. I ditto completely the comment from Jane Payne. Yesterday in trying to get a picture of all the "mothers" that were at the gathering...due to it being you know "Mothers Day" and having several generations present. I told my single sister that we wanted to take a picture of "just the mothers". She snapped at me and said "OH! So I can't be in the picture because I actually use birth control!!" and let's just say the day went down hill from there. I was ready for a nap myself.
Next Mother's Day...I might just send a card.
I live by most of my family and it can be great at times and other times it can REALLY SUCK! So hang in there. You're not alone.
This is all madness. I don't get why some people comment anonymously and think that it's ok to judge and criticize while hiding. A blog is a personal thing where the author gets to choose what to write about. No one is forcing you to read it. If you don't like it- go somewhere else.
That said, I think Mother's day turned out very nice. I am very happy to be living near my family to celebrate these occasions. I know what it's like to feel lonely and distant from those you love. You might think it would be great to just escape and not have to deal with it, but it's surprising how comforting the familiarity can be, even in all its madness!
There are seven sisters at our family gatherings. I know about histories and undercurrents. Anonymous comments are dangerous they let people think they can say whatever they feel with out regard for others feelings.
you are awesome!
i love your hair color
you have wonderful smelly home
you make people feel very comfortble
no one ever leaves your home empty handed
you are very thoughtful
you are a great photographer
you do a great job of documenting your life for your future generations
you don't make fun of people who can not sing 80's songs even though they think they can
you take great notes when you listen to talks and lessons
you can be counted on
your bathroom is very organized
you are good at making a decision and sticking to it
you stand up for what you believe in
you are very emotional even though you don't think you show your emotions
you taught me how to skip 30 seconds on the digital cable
you are very committed to your relationships
you don't lie
you do a good job of impersonating famous people
you are a safe driver
you have a mom who makes great carmel popcorn and you are happy to watch your friends hog it all
you appreciate nature
you do a wonderful job of framing your photos for all to see and don't let them collect dust in a box somewhere.
you are brave enough to coach pee wee football.. amazing
you are generous with time to comment on all blogs that you read
oh my...the popcorn you gave me for the trip back, was the very very very best....maybe in your week brake you can make some more, and cheer me up on the way....just kidding...but really it was to die for!
I love Tasha's comment. We really don't know the back story and since we aren't entitled to it even from friends, we just need to lend love and support. I have uniqueness in my family very similar and it is draining. Oh so draining. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Not nice, not at all. Thinking of you!
I didn't see all these comments from Kristi until after I posted. Seriously so funny and so Kristi! I love how much you are loved. Really you are amazing. Thanks for being you!
Jill I totally know what you're saying I get the "what are we doing this for" when all I want to do is complain about how much work it is making for me. I'm not sure the right answer. I guess sometimes I try not to think about it and just go with the flow.
As for mother's day. I'm surprised for me it is not more of a hard day, but over the years I have noticed it's a day for me to reflect and recommit to do better.
I really am so sorry that someone choose to hurt you in such a way. You are an amazing woman and mother and have every right to feel and be real. I for one love your honesty.
76 comments... obviously people feel passionate about Mother's day.
my 2 cents.
While I still give my Mom a card and tell her how much I love her, she has kinda of relinquished the roll of "Mother" to me since I now am the one with small children at home. My Mom actually sent me roses for Mother's day.
When my girls are married and have families I hope to do the same. I kinda feel like once your kids are out of the house, you need to support them and honor them in their role as a Mother and step into your role as Grandmother.
One thing I finally realized last year... There is nothing that my Husband or kids can do in one day out of the year to show me how much they appreciate all that I do. For me it's not a day of payback for the rest of the year it's just a day for them to tell me that they love me.
Please ignore the anonymous comments and say what you want to say. Nobody is forced to read your blog.
I am a lurker no more!
My mother and I are not close, she forgets my birthday. I had to call her after 4 days. My children can't even speak yet so maybe it will get better.
Who had any idea this would spark so many comments?
Post a Comment