I'm a Mess...the Story

So I've had some major drama going on this past week and have been so disturbed by it that I didn't even want to mention it. It made me sick just to speak of it, so writing it out was more than I could take. But now that I think we're getting somewhere with it, I feel like I can talk about it. Here's the breakdown...

Tuesday February 22nd around midnight (so really the 23rd) I woke from a sound sleep to a racing heart, feeling like the bed was too small, the walls were closing in and like I had to get outside. I spent over 3 hours of the night feeling this way, pacing around the family room until I eventually fell asleep on the couch in a terrified and exhausted stupor, I literally thought I may be going crazy.

Wednesday February 23rd, I got up and ready for work while still experiencing some odd sensations but was actually afraid to stay home and try to rest. I had Randy give me a blessing then I went to work. I felt antsy all day, had to be up and moving a lot during classes but kept trying to breathe deeply while repeating over and over again, "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay."

We went to Landon's Boy Scout Banquet that night where I begged an Ambien off one of the mothers there so that I could sleep that night. The event was 2.5 hours long and I had to go outside at one point, and I also felt like I was going to freak out if I didn't get out of my boots soon. I took half the Ambien that night and slept great.

Thursday February 24th, I woke up feeling strange (even though I'd slept) and decided I needed to go in and see the doctor (I had just been in for my prescriptions on Tuesday!). I stayed home from work and slept until 1:oopm, then saw the doctor at 3:00. He thought it sounded like a panic attack and gave me a prescription for Temazepan to help ease the anxiety and help me sleep.

We went to Whitney's 4th Grade play and then to JCW's and I was feeling pretty normal. I got to have a long phone call with Betsy that night for her 40th birthday (woohoo) and felt like I could sleep on my own (plus it was after 11:00 when I went to bed and I didn't want to be groggy the next day so I didn't take anything). I did NOT sleep well. I kept having flushes of panic or bursts of adrenaline so that even though I was able to stay in bed all night it was not restful. I basically spent the night trying to stay calm by reviewing memorized scriptures, Articles of Faith and hymns in my head.

Friday February 25th, I woke up and got ready for work but felt exhausted and ended up staying home and having fitful sleep. I had little appetite, didn't feel like doing anything I normally would do at home (not a good sign) and basically felt stressed that these flushes of adrenaline kept happening. I basically did nothing all day but try to stay calm. At one point I went for a walk to try to breathe in as much fresh air as possible. Adam and Amy's girls came over for a sleepover so Adam and Amy could go out for her birthday (I surrendered to the chaos and just hid out watching 30Rock on the laptop). I took a Temazepan that night, slept great for 2 hours then had fitful dozing the rest of the night.

Saturday February 26th, I woke up feeling exhausted of course, but knew we were spending the day moving Robyn into her new place so managed to shower and get out of the house. I vacuumed at her old place for about 2 hours (all the moldings, baseboards and empty rooms). I had waves of adrenaline but kept telling myself that a day spent helping someone else was good for me and that it kept me from going crazy at home. I took the other half (which was slightly less than half) of the Ambien from Wednesday night and only slept a couple hours before having fitful sleep again!

Sunday February 27th, I woke up feeling exhausted again, but got ready and went to church. I felt super tired all during church, but otherwise did pretty well. After church, I had an hour at home to eat a sandwich while relaxing and reading before going to a 2 hour RS Committee Meeting. I then retired to the cozy with my book thinking I was in for a delicious nap, but was disturbed by surges of adrenaline every time I started to drift off! It was 2 hours of panicked relaxation (how is that for an oxymoron?). I was able to get another Ambien from a friend, and thankfully slept well by taking a whole one that night.

Monday February 28th, I woke up feeling wasted again, but got up and got ready for work, but knew I needed to get in to see the doctor today. I ended up staying home and having fitful sleep until I got in to the see the doctor at 2:00. He is now checking to see if it's a Thyroid issue. I had an EKG and had 2 viles of blood taken, so possibly we'll find out tomorrow what's going on. He sent in a prescription for Ambien, so hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight. This whole thing has been so crazy and frustrating and scary and has made me want my normal life back so badly. There's nothing like a health issue to humble you to the max. I have said so many prayers over these past 5 days, and have had to tell rework what I think I'm made of.

So to sum up, after not having visited a doctor for 3 years I have visited 3 times in 6 days.
I have lost 9 pounds. (You'd think this would be a bonus to all of this, but this isn't a fun way to lose it.)
I'm almost done with our book club book, Major Pettigrew's Last Stand.
I have lost interest in pretty much everything and spend my days and nights obsessing about sleep.

**Thoughts??**