I've been struggling a bit with my expectations of family and the humiliation of having to ask for help. I guess I'm usually the one offering to help other people and am not really keen on being on this side of things, especially since I feel like I need so much right now. I've been particularly touched and grateful for the goodness that has come my way in the past couple of days, it has helped take the edge off my raw emotions.
Natasha sent me these darling, colorful personalized cards . What a delight. Thanks Natasha! (Her daughter Luci sent some cute ones to Whitney as well.)
Elizabeth sent me this beautiful card congratulating me on catching the travel bug. I love the word possibility and love the images of the globe and the books. Thanks Elizabeth!
Anna sent me this thoughtful package yesterday, with a sweet note thanking me for hosting the Sistas' breakfast. She also sent some handmade holiday magnets, cute ribbon, and some chipboard letters with my initials. I love it all. Thanks Anna!
Cute Hannah showed up at my door with this nice basket full of soft foods for me to eat while recovering from having my surgery. She is always so thoughtful and this visit was particularly touching. I was in tears while trying to thank her and just felt like such a schmuck because she just had a baby, has her own health problems going on yet was still at my house taking care of me! Thanks Hannah.
This is a close-up of the basket of soft goodies Hannah brought me. There's pudding, jello, Popsicles, Gatorade and a nice little note. Thanks so much Hannah! I'm such a sucker for cute things in a basket, why is that?
Jana went to Barnes & Noble to pick us each up a copy of our book club book (which has to be finished in 5 days) and delivered it to my house with this tasty strawberry slushy drink from Sonic. We both thought we had already bought a copy of it (early onset senility perhaps) so were quite panicked when we realized we didn't have it yet. Thanks Jana!
Amie has been so helpful with my wisdom-teeth issues this week and has shuttled my kids, had them over to her house, has listened to me complain and moan A LOT, and then today brought me 2 pints of KFC potatoes and gravy and a chocolate shake (which was in the fridge, I didn't even realize she'd gotten me that until much later) and hung out and visited for awhile too. Thanks Amie!!
My visiting teaching partner and co-primary teacher Lori brought over this pizza, soda and pie within an hour of talking to me and finding out that I was recovering from my wisdom-teeth surgery. She's got her own crap going on and is even teaching for me tomorrow, but still went out of her way to get these things and bring them over. So nice! Her visit and delivery were so unexpected and I was in tears yet again as she hugged me and told me she loved me. It makes me want to do better at taking care of others.
I've also gotten some quality therapy from concerned friends like Kristi, Michelle and Collette on the phone from far away. It has definitely helped me not to feel so alone or out of sorts.
**How do you handle times like this?
Do you have to ask for help or do people just step in?
Do little gifts and acts of service help you
feel loved the way they help me?
Am I crazy?**
Do you have to ask for help or do people just step in?
Do little gifts and acts of service help you
feel loved the way they help me?
Am I crazy?**
26 comments:
Oh Jill, this is just so sweet that everyone took such good care of you...thoughtful friends you have, indeed. I don't think your an emotional mess, I think you just got plum filled up with all the goodness and it had to go somewhere!
Well, "I" cry ALL THE TIME! Seriously, have a problem with it! But I do think that it is a worry that you have had all last week - wondering what to do with the end of school, pain and meds = tears. And, rightly so! Let it out. Let it ALL out! Perhaps, this is great therapy!??
Ah, expectations. That is a hard one. Like you, I tend to be the giver and the care taker of many. So, it would be hard to ASK for help. Extra hard if you have expectations from family that haven't been met.
What wonderful friends you have to come and shower you with calls and thoughtful things to gum!
I don't think that you have lost it at all! Read, sleep, gum and soon you will be bouncing back! Hang in there!!!!!
I like the neighbor's comment! I can relate to some of this Jill (except I can bring myself to tears more often)as I have difficulty asking for help. Add that to issues with extended family and I really have a hard time asking for help. Maybe you've been more emotional since your kids aren't around? I love a good break from Luci and Griffin every now and then but I find I have so much time to think totally uninterrupted when they are gone and I'm at home.
How fun that you have so many caring friends stop by with treats!
i am a total cryer, i cry all the time. so of course i can't say you are crazy because then i would be crazy.
i have a horrible time asking for help, but am getting better.
one of your spiritual gifts is not only recognizing the needs of others but also acting on them, it is such a RARE gift, but because you have it, it may seem like it is common sense to others. take that leap and ask for the help, by you helping other understand your needs they will in some way aquire reconizing the needs of others and you will be teaching people to also have your gift. It would be like teaching someone to read or sew.
you are also unique because you do appreciate the littlest of gestures, not everyone does, something else that may seem common. this is what makes you you! but the beauty of your blog and life, is when you appreciate the simplest of things it teaches the rest of us to do the same.
hang in there and as crazy as this sounds, bask in being sick and take this time as a crash course in learning to specifically ask for help and watch the beauty of what will happen when you do.
love ya!
I am finally back at home and what a wonderful feeling it is to be at home - it's been way too long! I was sorry to hear about your problems and just wanted to say how much I wish I could help. You are such a wonderful person and I hate to see wonderful people suffering through trials. Crying helps, and I wouldn't let anyone, including yourself, tell you otherwise. I hope you feel better tomorrow. Take care!
I had major surgery in Feb. and I can tell you that some of it is the pain meds! They do mess with you mentally and emotionally, I am normally all put together, don't forget a thing, hardly cry, but like you I would cry, I would forget stuff..... So don't blame yourself!
And you have such a wonderful support of friends there that's awesome, you'll bounce back sooner than it seems.
Hi Jill! I've been out of blogging land for a bit and when I just read about your tooth trials, it made me sad. Glad you got rid of 'em! Now I just hope you feel better really soon. I'm happy that you have such kind friends who seem willing to do exactly what you would do - drop everything and come running to your door. Get well soon, sweet Jill.
I am glad people are looking out for you and sending sweet things your way. That always helps a ton!
I seriously can't believe you NEVER cry. But, sorry to hear you feel out of wack. I hope things look brighter soon.
I am one to never ask for help especially when I need it most. I do have certain people that would step in no matter what which is always a comforting thing. Get some rest--thinking of you :)
I can relate to not being able to cry sometimes when it would be appropriate or helpful. If you haven't cried this much in years though, that's a pretty impressive cry. I hope you get the help you need and deserve right now. That's a lot of wonderful thoughtfulness that has come your way. That Hannah really is cute - I love that picture of her. Hang in there - teary or not. The wisdom teeth experience seems to be traumatic in one way or another (who knew but it's so true!) and some serious tears are to be expected if you ask me. Have a good sleep/Sabbath!!.
well i am officially back on planet earth...and can't believe what you are going through....what is up with that...did you know you were supposed to get them all out all at once... i am asuming this since the only post i have read was today...so i guess i will read on...hope you are feeling much better and gosh with all those friends, cute packages, and wonderful phone calls...you are priviledge missy...hope you feel better........a wiser...
lv.
claudia
i also meant to say how cute that photo of hannah is.
hannah, that for doing for jill what we all wish we could do.
**How do you handle times like this? i havent had my teeth out yet..worried now!!
Do you have to ask for help or do people just step in? both..i get frustrated when people say " i just dont know what to do?"-my response-ANYTHING!! sweep my floors, do the dishes, take out the trash..seriously-anything will help!
Do little gifts and acts of service help you
feel loved the way they help me? totally-i dont know who would get upset by it??
Am I crazy?**NO! im as you probably have figured out am NOT emotional ( i think jons cried 100 times more then i have!)
I think you're right about the crying helping(at least me) see your true feelings. (I am a nonstop crier and had to tell Jimmy early on that he should worry when I stop crying because I only cry about the things I care about.)
I am really sorry you are struggling, I am not very good at stepping in and just doing, I think about it and then second guess myself until I don't do it. You have a real gift for seeing needs and meeting them. I think I have learned a lot from you but haven't quite sprung into action the way I need to. I think Christina's comment about to ANYTHING is something we should all remember. Anything does help...
It is always good to sit and visit with you. (I thought I told you I couldn't get the caramel shake so I had to settle, sorry I thought you saw me in your fridge....did you think I was just helping myself!? I couldn't find room in your extremely organized freezer, I hope it wasn't totally ruined.)
I hope you are feeling better today...
That picture of Hannah is SO CUTE. She looks great!!! She is so sweet to bring you that basket of good things... I am so impressed she thought of so many non tooth friendly things... I am dumber than I thought.
I really think Kristi's comment is dead on -- because you find it second nature to reach out and find ways to help, you may assume it is that way for others as well. I can tell you it is not! It's one of those things I am continually learning from you.
It is SO hard to ask for help. I have such a hard time with it that I even struggle sometimes when help is offered! (as you know) It is humbling indeed to need help, even more so to accept it from others. It always makes me feel emotional. (Though I'm sure there is an element of the pain meds there too...)
It is also very hard to feel disappointed in loved ones. But we can't expect people to always anticipate our needs -- even though it would be infinitely easier and more pleasant if they could!
I hope today is better and that you are able to rest and read. And I'm so glad to see you being taken care of in many little thoughtful ways!
Every few months (and without surgery!) I go through these major crying sessions, but it's usually an indication of good changes to come.
I am so glad that you have been showered with such great gifts and thoughtfullness. It seems it is ALWAYS you giving so much, it really is great that you CAN be on the receiving end of it! I am so happy when people are thoughtful, it just makes my heart happy.
When my little sis got her wisdom teeth out the meds made her ultra emotional too. She just sobbed and sobbed for days!! :)
I get so weepy when I can't help myself so I know exactly how you feel. In fact I felt this way last year when I had my wisdom teeth taken out (I hated it and felt quite crazy myself).
You do have wonderful friends and they want to take care of you. So thoughtful and loving, how could you not be touched.
I hope today is a better day.
Jill, I am just getting over my random crying spells...well maybe I am not quite over them but they are getting better. I feel like I have been crying since I had my little boy two weeks ago. The same thing happened when I had my little girl so I kind of expected it.
ANYWAY...I feel like I can kind or relate to how you feel. I felt uncomfortable when women brought dinner into our home, and yet cried like a baby when I realized I am in charge of making dinner again. People have been very kind to you, but you deserve it. Its your turn to sit back an enjoy the Loritabs...did you get Loritabs?? I did with my wisdom teeth and loved it. I swear if I wasn't religious I would be a total junkie.
Oops, that Darin comment was actually me, he hates when I forget to switch the user on his computer!!
I cry regularly in the car. I LOVE a good cry.
I'm sorry you aren't feeling well after your surgery. It is even more bothersome when you realize all your mom duties are being neglected too.
I don't have family here so my friends all pitch in, which is heavenly.
Jill, I have to say that you have some wonderful friends! I am not the type to ask for help, and have needed it before and didn't want anyone to know, so I didn't get any help. I think getting help is better!
Take care girl!
Last week I had stake conference and my stake president spoke about (among other things) what he called being *perversely* self reliant. That label stung.
I imagine that none of your friends are glad to see you in need, but they're probably glad to have a chance to serve you. From what I've experienced with you, and Kristi's comments on this post, there are probably many people who have been waiting for a chance to return the service you've rendered to them.
I'm late in the game. Just catching up to see your crappy teeth problem! I am so sorry! I hope it is nothing but uphill from here!
Jill I'm sorry you've had a hard time emotionally. I had no idea until you talked to Adam Saturday that you were struggling so. Per our conversation on Monday and your post I thought your mom was taking care of everything for you. I hope that having the kids over Saturday helped. We had a lot of fun across the street rolling down the hill etc. I'll have to show you the pics.
Do you need help this week? They can come play.
Well, I get weepy quite often over things, and it's somewhat of a curse because my heart is on my sleeve. Twice during Avery's cello recital on Saturday I teared up, and my kids were alarmed and "Mom, why are you crying??"
Like you, I don't like to (and rarely do) ask for help. Barb's comment about being "perversely" self-reliant kind of hit me. But, I think, especially with family, you just want to be known. (At least for me.) You want your heart to be known without having to spell it out. They know us and should just know exactly what we need, right? But, most people aren't mind/heart readers, and sometimes that gap can be a bit painful.
And just as a side note, how cute is Hannah? What a good friend!
So I come here and read your post and comments and get this super boost because apparently I am pretty cute- great way to start my week! I feel so fortunate to have been able to help in the small way I did- grateful that I can be helpful to someone when it seems I have been on the other end so much lately.
I could echo what so many people have said- Kristi especially. I have had to learn to ask for help and get over feeling guilty for needing it, feeling stupid for having to ask even though I know the people I am asking are usually more than happy to lend a hand.
I hope the weekend was restful for you and that you are feeling better today. PLEASE call me if I can do anything for you. I am running errands this afternoon and would love to do whatever.
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