I often can't decide what exactly it is I want to do.
I have big plans in my mind for how I want things
(my life, my body, my house, my yard, my family) to be,
but then feel overwhelmed with the many reasons
why I can't do them (usually money-related).
This feels lame to me, like a series of excuses to keep me
from having to really do these things, but the thing is I really do
want to do them, so why would I be looking for excuses?
I probably need therapy (a team of specialists in Vienna)
to help me get past whatever mental block I've got going on,
but I don't see that happening.
Meanwhile 40 is knocking on my door (45 days)...
but when it comes down to it, all I really want to do is read.
**Am I crazy or can you relate in some way?**
Comment Window Tidbit: We've been having a lot of rain lately and I'm loving it. I get excited when the sun is shining too, but I think I will always be a rainy day kind of girl.
17 comments:
I think I could use some good therapy also. I am pretty messed up. I have felt and still feel most of these same things. What is stopping me? It's usually me.
I saw you today at the mother daughter tea party and felt a little sad cause I realize I haven't talked to you in forever (except for hi's and bye's) and it made me miss primary and our RS book club and feel completely overwhelmed with everything going on in my life. But when it comes down to it. Seriously. All I really want to do is read too. So at least we've got a little bit of that kindred spirit thing going on. And I love your blog, by the way.
Boy can I relate! I make these wonderful plans in my mind on how I'm going to lose a bunch of weight. It's so much easier to think about than actually do.
I can totally relate. Sometimes it feels like all of my woes in life relate somehow to money, which--in the scheme of things--is not THAT hard of a problem to solve. At least that's what I hear. Some days it sure feels hard, though.
And no, you're not crazy to want to read to celebrate your birthday. I would choose to stay home all day and sew.
Yep, I can totally relate. Just like how I get these visions of what I want to do with my yard (mind you, they are toned-down visions that I think are completely do-able). But then after one mowing and about an hour of pruning, I'm feeling done.
I get all excited about exercise and getting this body into shape, but then that requires a lot of energy and it is just so much easier to sit at the computer or pick up a book!
I don't know that money is holding me back (although there certainly is no surplus) - it seems to be motivation or energy-related for me...
I, too, am a rainy day kind of girl but enough is enough! Bring on the sun!
I can relate to this so much. I have so many plans for myself and my house and projects that never get off the ground. I chalk it up to laziness with a cup of indecision and a sprinkling of insecurity.
Therapy is awesome. I think everyone needs it. I wish I could afford to go for the rest of my life!
Sadly, I too can completely relate. For me, I blame a lot of it on depression. The kind of low-level depression saps me of energy and motivation and discipline. I get tired just thinking about it. And I wish I could afford therapy, or a life coach. But then they'd probably make me actually, you know, do stuff. The stuff I'm always saying I want to do but can't muster the (what?) to do it. I feel like a crazy person most of the time. I just want to take a nap. Lots of them.
My husband gave me a kindle for our anniversary three weeks ago and I really just want to sit and read all day. But I made the goal of losing 30 pounds before the kids go back to school, so I just can't sit and read. I let myself read if I've already worked out, but only then...and on Sunday's. I have a bodybugg which tells me how many calories I am burning and I am amazed at how few I burn when I read during the day. Comnpared to just being busy around the house and not sitting idle.
So, I say to you...set a limit on your reading and how many calories you eat and you may just reach all of those goals. It is hard. But I'm not going to stop...even if it takes me two years to lose the 30 pounds. And if I never get to read again.
It has been very, very, very hard for me to start being accountable to myself...and honest, for my time, my exercise, my eating. OUCH! So hard...but even though it has only been 3 weeks in my quest...it is getting easier and I am feeling better...so that has to be good, right?
I feel the same way sometimes. I always have lists in my head of what I want to do and then i get distracted.
In my mind I have already declared this to be the summer of reading in the sun.
I think I need to print that Far Side cartoon in a large size and hang it on the wall...it's cracking me up!
I can relate to some of your feelings for sure especially when it comes to the way I look. I really do try hard to find ways to exercise and eat healthier but I haven't figured it out yet...nor have I figured out how some women are skinny *without* exercise and healthy eating! Argh.
When I start feeling this way I usually end up on my knees to combat the feelings or I turn into a nasty grumpus.
I think we can ALL relate to some degree. This isn't how I thought my "grown up" life would be. I thought I'd be able to be home with my kids, I thought my work would be more clinical and not administrative . . . etc etc etc
I always say that reading is my escape but hey, at least it's a healthy escape and not drugs or something, no?
Oh...I can relate in EVERY way. I wonder all the time what happened to the ambitious, organized girl I was in college. Never procrastinating, always on top of things, always excited for the next challenge. Ha! It's as if I have turned into the complete opposite! So much I really really WANT to do, but usually I do just end up "reading" :)
I think you would LOVE the Pacific Northwest!!!
All I can say to this post is AMEN! I totally feel this on so many levels in my life - don't know if it will change anytime soon...
Perhaps you need a chat with your brother? I know that I can use a chat with your brother! HA! Perhaps he needs to do a post or something....?
Hugs
You are loved
My sentiments exactly. Hope you are feeling past the mental block soon...enjoy your time off from school-you totally deserve it! Thanks for blogging, you always have a way of making me feel better. I really look up to you in so many ways. Have a great day!
I am almost in a handicapped state when I'm in the middle of a good book. I don't even want to break to go to the bathroom! I love being lost in the world of a story.
I think my family hates it that I get so absorbed.
I just started Here Be Dragons and am loving it so far. Looks like my poor family is going to be fending for themselves for a LONG time!
Sigh.
I've found that talking through things with someone divested from my life helps. Like a therapist, or a friend who can really look at things objectively.
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