When I was called to be Camp Director back in November they told me we would be going to St. George (4 hours away and mighty hot) and staying in condos. I was hesitant to be in charge, but figured condo-camping is my kind of camping so I accepted the calling.
My assistant and I met each month with members of the YW presidency and the YCLs (the 4 teenage girls in charge of all the girls) to plan our itinerary. This whole trip was masterminded by our YW President so she was the one lining up the condos and deciding what we'd be doing. As we met I often looked to her because it was clearly her project, it seemed like she just needed help organizing things (something I can do).
As we met each month...January, February, March, and April it was becoming increasingly hard to plan things because we still weren't sure where we'd be staying! Apparently we had access to a couple different small condos, but that would mean splitting up the group (28 girls plus 8 leaders) and that wasn't going to work; especially since our theme is "United We Stand".
{shirt designed by Randy}
As this went on I was becoming increasingly stressed and frustrated. I felt like I had nothing to do with this experience and that I was actually in the way except for helping to organize things. I was super stressed about going to St. George in June anyway because I don't do well in the sun, but kept thinking things would work out.
Then in early May it was decided that we wouldn't be staying in condos at all, but would be camping (!) at Snow Canyon (i.e., dusty surface of the sun). I made it through that meeting with a grimace on my face but felt totally sick about things. I knew I could NOT do this! It wasn't a matter of not wanting to do it, it was a matter of physically not being able to do it. I end up with a headache any time I spend time in the sun or even under the umbrella at the pool. I just don't do well when I get overheated or something; but any extended time in the sun leads to a killer migraine, so I just knew I had to pull myself out of this. I emailed the YW President and let her know I was happy to continue helping to plan things, but that I could not actually go to camp. Of course, I felt embarrassed and sorry about this, but I also felt hugely relieved. She was very nice about it and said she would just keep having me help plan things.
About a week later the assistant camp director called me to say she couldn't go to camp either! (At this point, she didn't know I wasn't going to be able to go.) It turns out her husband ended up taking a class that occupied much of his time so he wouldn't be able to stay home to care for their 4 small children. I totally understood (of course) and had been surprised she'd been asked to go to camp in the first place because she was still nursing her baby! She thought she'd be able to wean him in time, but he hasn't been too keen on giving it up so that was another factor for her.
So after many meetings, much planning, emailing, calling, borrowing of equipment, packing and stress later--today is the day! This is Whitney's first time going to camp, and while I'm sorry I won't be sharing that experience with her I am relieved at the same time because
I know she will do better without having me there to cling/complain to. She needs to take the plunge by herself! This has been confirmed to me over and over again through this planning process, and then again this morning as the girls gathered to eat breakfast. Whitney hung off to the side and seemed like a reluctant participant. I know she will end up having a great time at camp, but I also know she wouldn't be as likely to reach out to others if she had me there to hide behind.
I don't know why both me and the other camp director were chosen to head up a camp we couldn't actually attend, but we both feel good about it and know it was for a reason. It has been humbling and weird for sure. I'll be spending the rest of this week praying for Whitney and the others to be safe and to have a good time.
