Deep Thoughts by Jill Stuart

This is a page from the book "She" by Kobi Yamada. Michelle had a quote from it on her blog last month (November 13th) which inspired me to order the book. I LOVE this book. It is full of quotes which are formatted like this. I like all the quotes, but I decided this is one of my very favorites because I have a tendency to think (in the back of my mind) that someone is going to come in to save me or make things better. I feel like I'm finally figuring out that that's not going to happen and that I need to be the person I'm waiting for.

Last night we had a family movie night and watched Akeelah and The Bee. It was a great movie (though it had like 3 swear words which seemed odd for a family show) and featured this wonderful quote by Marianne Williamson.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." --Marianne Williamson

I love this quote and used to have it hanging in my cubicle 10 years ago when I worked at Franklin Covey. I need to print it out again and hang it up so I can read it every day. I love the context that it was used in the movie, it made it seem so simple. I don't know if it's human nature to want to tear other people down or minimize their successes, but it's rampant and awful and seems to be the way of the world.

How many times have you read someone's blog and seen a project, new purchase, a vacation or read something great they said and found yourself mentally criticizing that person?? I fear that women are the worst offenders of this because we have feelings of competitiveness and comparison in us from the moment we start school. This makes me sad. I try really hard to keep feelings like this to a minimum in myself because I don't want to be a critical or jealous person. Often my first reaction is to feel threatened or jealous, but then I take a moment and recognize the victory for that person and actually feel happy for them. (Of course then I feel guilty that my first reaction was less than kind and often take a ride on the shame spiral, but usually I end up okay.)

I guess I'm wondering why it is that we are so afraid to be the best we can be. I have actually thought before that being overweight is a good thing because it shows people I'm not a threat to them. How twisted is that?? I've seen women smirk and almost snarl when they see thin, beautiful women and I've actually managed to convince myself that that's one thing I don't have to worry about. (I might keel over from a heart attack from being cow-like, but hey no one is mad at me for being too beautiful.) I don't know if this is a life-long struggle for most women or if it's just me, but I am working on it and find that the older I get the easier it is to be comfortable in my own skin and to be myself.

**What do you think??**

P.S. Like right now I'm having a panicked feeling about putting that photo of myself on here. Not only because it's a big ole picture of me (taken by Michelle by the way), but because I'm thinking of all the critical thoughts you guys might be thinking. How sad it that? My purpose in putting the picture with this post is to expose myself and be okay with who I am right now, but it's still an uncomfortable feeling.