Saturday, December 09, 2006

Deep Thoughts by Jill Stuart


This is a page from the book "She" by Kobi Yamada. Michelle had a quote from it on her blog last month (November 13th) which inspired me to order the book. I LOVE this book. It is full of quotes which are formatted like this. I like all the quotes, but I decided this is one of my very favorites because I have a tendency to think (in the back of my mind) that someone is going to come in to save me or make things better. I feel like I'm finally figuring out that that's not going to happen and that I need to be the person I'm waiting for.

Last night we had a family movie night and watched Akeelah and The Bee. It was a great movie (though it had like 3 swear words which seemed odd for a family show) and featured this wonderful quote by Marianne Williamson.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same." --Marianne Williamson

I love this quote and used to have it hanging in my cubicle 10 years ago when I worked at Franklin Covey. I need to print it out again and hang it up so I can read it every day. I love the context that it was used in the movie, it made it seem so simple. I don't know if it's human nature to want to tear other people down or minimize their successes, but it's rampant and awful and seems to be the way of the world.

How many times have you read someone's blog and seen a project, new purchase, a vacation or read something great they said and found yourself mentally criticizing that person?? I fear that women are the worst offenders of this because we have feelings of competitiveness and comparison in us from the moment we start school. This makes me sad. I try really hard to keep feelings like this to a minimum in myself because I don't want to be a critical or jealous person. Often my first reaction is to feel threatened or jealous, but then I take a moment and recognize the victory for that person and actually feel happy for them. (Of course then I feel guilty that my first reaction was less than kind and often take a ride on the shame spiral, but usually I end up okay.)

I guess I'm wondering why it is that we are so afraid to be the best we can be. I have actually thought before that being overweight is a good thing because it shows people I'm not a threat to them. How twisted is that?? I've seen women smirk and almost snarl when they see thin, beautiful women and I've actually managed to convince myself that that's one thing I don't have to worry about. (I might keel over from a heart attack from being cow-like, but hey no one is mad at me for being too beautiful.) I don't know if this is a life-long struggle for most women or if it's just me, but I am working on it and find that the older I get the easier it is to be comfortable in my own skin and to be myself.

**What do you think??**

P.S. Like right now I'm having a panicked feeling about putting that photo of myself on here. Not only because it's a big ole picture of me (taken by Michelle by the way), but because I'm thinking of all the critical thoughts you guys might be thinking. How sad it that? My purpose in putting the picture with this post is to expose myself and be okay with who I am right now, but it's still an uncomfortable feeling.

31 comments:

Anonymous said...

You look radiant in your picture! Your giving and caring spirit really shine through. I think it is great that you have the second thought. That you stop and see the good instead of just dwelling on that first criticism. Sometimes we never get there or it takes a lot more than a moment. I know it often does for me. I just got a Christmas card from a woman who has offended me and since moved. I thought I had let it all go but my fist thought when I saw the photo was a negative one before I tried to think positive. I guess we just keep working at. I love that quote also. I need to hang that up for myself.

Anonymous said...

This is a wonderful post. As a mom of 4 daughters, I worry about all of these things for them -- probably because I realize that I still don't have them mastered for myself.

I love the movie Akeelah and the Bee, and I also love that quote by Marianne Williamson. I also used to have that hanging up, and you've inspired me to have it up again.

I think that is a beautiful picture of you, so I don't think you should feel funny about having it up there. But I do understand the vulnerable feeling, which is why the only picture of me on my blog is from 13 years ago. I might have to work on that, too!

Thanks for inspiring me today!

Melinda said...

My first thought?! I didn't know you had blue eyes with brown hair. I love that! That is what I am hoping my Ryan has.

I love this post. Jason and I were just talking about this very subject. Why can't we just be happy for people? I am trying really hard to do this and not be judgmental.

I love that quote you posted. Thank you for that. I will have to copy it.

This is one of lifes lessons that I think will take me my who life to learn. I am trying and trying to teach my children what is right.

Jordan said...

Jill, I hate to admit it, because it makes me feel shallow and weak, but I also struggle with feeling comfortable in my own skin--I know my sisters and mother do to and it makes me wonder if we pass this down to our kids. I am not blaming my mother, but I want to be careful not to instill this "self-uncomfortableness" in my own children. I have to say, the first thing I thought of when I saw your picture was what beautiful blue eyes you have! Thank you for this post, it is, of course, always nice to know you are not alone.

Anonymous said...

I love this post. Only because you are so honest and also that you have come to a place in your life that allows you to see the victory. So what your first thought might not be great, it is what you do with it after I believe. Do you turn it around, do you fix it, that to me is the true character. I believe that because Satan is powerful with our thoughts that it is not always what we might have thought first, but what he tries to place there. So for me you are so wise in knowing that is not how you truly feel, and allowing the real Jill thought past him.

Before I read your last paragraph I looked at your picture and thought, that is a HAPPY person. My greatest goal in life is to have people just look at my picture and truly see Joy. I think that is what makes us all beautiful, not the outside but the inside. Have you ever seen a really thin pretty woman but there was just something about them you could not place, well to me your outside has to match the inside or people see past it.
Thank you for putting yourself out there. It makes me want to work harder at having a smile on my face all the time, and truly live a joyful life that I read you write about all the time.

Anonymous said...

I love this photo of you. LOVE IT!! THANK YOU for this post today. I have "She" on my wish list - I should definitely purchase it! The M. Williamson quote is great, too.
I mostly enjoyed your candor today with these subjects that definitely concern me. I do agree that age makes it slightly easier - and what could be better than to be ourselfves and to love it? We want that most for our kids, yet are relentless in our own personal criticisms - and judgements of others, as you mentioned.
Much to think about today. "Actully, who are you not to be?" love that.

Anonymous said...

My first thought when I saw your picture was, "what a beautiful picture of Jill". You look happy and content and empowered. I loved your post today and loved the quotes that you used. You have such a gift with words and you inspire me to be a better person. As women, I think we are very hard not only on ourselves but on each other as well, an unwritten compitition, when we should be able to enjoy each others talents and abilities and learn from them. I have found that the beautiful and thin are just as insecure as the pretty and oversized or the plain and pudgy. Age and experience and helped me to love me for who I am and what I bring.

Anonymous said...

You are absolutely beautiful Jill. Inside and out.

I have envious feelings every time I read your blog because of the eloquent way in which you write and because of the very many ways in which you share your talents.

I am glad I know you. Maybe your goodness will rub off on me...just a little...

becca said...

I LOVE THIS POST! I think the saddest part of the way we critisize others (and ourselves) is that is keeps us from being happy...from seeing and enjoying all the good.

In seventh grade, one of my teachers said something that I will never forget (not only do I remember what she said, but I can picture where she was standing, what she was wearing and I can see all the kids sitting near my dest...that is the impact it had on me)...ok I was about to leave you a comment a mile long so I am going to devote my own post to this story (I thought I could tell it quicker, but apparently not:)

Thank you for sharing these thoughts...

Amie said...

Good post. While I am not comfortable and a little mad at myself about who I am I really do think that I am happy for others. I have realized that what they have in no way takes away from me. I recognize this as a blessing, life would be hard if I thought that someone else being able to have 5 kids had any relation to me having 2 - they didn't have the kids I would have had, etc, same with money, weight, etc. I just wish I could get to a place where I acted and did the things I should more of the time.

We really liked Akeelah the Bee too, swear words make me mad!

The picture of you is great. PS - I tend to think of you as comfortable in your skin and honest with your feelings even if it isn't always sugary sweet.

PS - I noticed a cute square envelope in the mail, I can hardly wait to open it and listen to the cd - thanks!!!

jenny said...

I always love your insight and honesty. I think that is why you are such a likeable person and maybe why so many of us feel like we can relate or connect to you. I find you very down to earth.

My first thought was that is a GREAT photo of you. I will be the first to say that I think ALL women can be judgemental no matter who we are. I am constantly trying to ground my children not to compare, etc. It is so true that once they start school it seems the innocence is gone.

p.s. I didn't know you worked at Franklin Covey. I worked there 10 years ago to in the financial department. First I was in Eastbay and then moved to Riverwoods.

Great post Jill!

michelle said...

OK now I want "She" even more than I did before! Love it. I have always loved that Marianne Williamson quote too, it is so true, but I do need to be reminded of it.

Interesting thoughts today. I tend to think that I have an abundant mentality, not a scarcity mentality, but I do still find myself often letting envy or insecurity get in the way of being happy for others' success. I hate that and I do try to recognize it and circumvent it. I know in my heart that the success of others takes nothing away from me and I am happy for them, so why do I have to fight these feelings? Maybe what Katie said is true, Resistance gets in our way and we have to be vigilant to get past it.

I love that photo of you, and I'm proud of you for putting it on your blog. You're beautiful to me!

TX Girl said...

Funny you thought that about your picture. I immediately thought how nice it was to see your smiling face. Very appropriate for this post.

I LOVE Marianne Williamson and I love that quote. Why don't we love ourselves a little more. We love so many other people and are SOO forgiving of others, but we cannot forgive ourselves and see how amazing we are. I've notice myself doing that a lot lately. Very little forgiveness for myself....so many thoughts.

Thanks for the post.

Laurie said...

I was just talking to a fellow blogger Stephanie yesterday about how I compare myself too much to others and make myself out to be so much less in my mind than everyone else. I could write a novel, but I should say that I have been very uplifted though through blogging. I feel much more of the genuine kindness than not. I feel supported and even better about myself as a result. It's nice to be able to encourage others and have a chance to know so much about others and be supportive of them too.

You know what I think is great is when people are not intimidated by sharing their friends, ideas, secrets to success, weaknesses, and talents. So many on the blogs are willing do both. I really love that and am working on that.

Amy said...

Great post, Jill. My first reaction to your photo is how great you look in it. That's a really good picture of you!

I loved Akeelah and the Bee. What a great movie! And since I watched it alone I didn't even notice the swear words! But, the quote from the movie is a good one. I love how great thoughts can come from anyone and anywhere. This one in particular provides so much insight into human nature. Why do we just want to blend in, to be the same, to be mediocre? We are meant to excell, to become our best selves. That's why we're here, for the pursuit of perfection. I think the idea that in allowing ourselves to shine we make it ok for others to do the same is fabulous.

melanie said...

What a great post! So many people love you, support you, and connect with you (many without knowing you, me included!).

I love your picture! What I see is this- someone genuine, caring, honest and beautiful!! Who doesn't envy those qualities?

It has taken me years to feel like I am who I am and I have something worth while to contribute. The hard part is I can revert back to being overly paranoid and self conscious that I matter. I am striving to be less judgemental (daily/hourly some days) because I can't stand being negative. When I am negative about others it changes how I feel about myself and I am not proud of it. Now I want to see this movie, it sounds great (minus the swear words).

Liz said...

Hey Jill! I love your post! I've had some of those same thoughts and feelings. I also love the picture of you. You have beautiful blue eyes, for some reason I thought you had brown eyes. Thanks for sharing a little bit of yourself with us!

Bond Girl 007 said...

oh
missy great post...I have so many comments on this...so I will post them later I am in a hurry...but the picture is fabulous as always and I though that quote we shared at work was from Nelson Mandela...is it very similar? I didn't know Jenny worked at Frankling Covey too...it would be really funny to know that she was there with us in East bay???? crazy!

Tasha said...

I love that picture of you, and the quotes.

I know that when I am being judgemental its because I am feeling small. My friend always says to her twins (who compare everything) "Comparing never leads to happiness". I try to say that to myself when I start comparing.

everything pink! said...

jill, this will win favorite post for me!
you are motivating me to do a little revealing on my blog about this subject as well.

The photo of you shows the real you, and that is why I think it is amazing.
seriously when you bind your blog into a book order one for me, i could reread your thoughts all day.

jeff even read this because it was up on the computer before i had time to comment and he said, "jill is a great writer"
and that you are my friend

Anonymous said...

Ditto to all of the above! Thanks for having the courage to teach us something so important.

Anonymous said...

deep thoughts:
this is the lesson i have learned.."the grass REALLY is greener on the other side".. until you come to accept what you have and REALIZE that someone always has it better then you!
whether its someone looking prettier then you-there just is, where its someone with more money then you -there just is, whether its someone who's had this many vacations-there just is!
no matter what it is...someone else has done it and done it well!

SO i say this to try to help you see that we can all be happy right where we are, about everything-and REMEMBER that EVERYONE has "issues"-things they dont like about themselves, inward things and outward things..

i WILL tell you though that being first married and having friends taking fabulous trips-driving fabulous vehicles-the perfect amount of kids-the white picketed fenced house..i was WAY jealous..now that ive have those things..ouch. And YET-there is always someone for me to be jealous of-that has it EVEN better then i do...and i guess thru these past 10 years..that is the lesson ive learned..that no matter what "season" of life im at..someone will JUST HAVE IT BETTER!

Anonymous said...

Oh wow, I love this post. I know exactly what you mean about being critical...its why I don't ever comment in Sunday School or bear my testimony, I am afraid people will roll their eyes at my feelings, or thoughts. Why do I feel this way?? BECAUSE I do it to others. I don't like it, not only is it rude but it keeps me from ever truly being myself.

Your present so much to think about, and I need to see Akeelah and the Bee!

Diana said...

Thanks for sharing your feelings. Jessie and I had a deep disscusion about these exact things last Sunday, so it's very good for me to revisit them.
I struggle so much with jealousy and I find myself finding excuses for other people's success. I know that I compare people's strengths with my weaknesses and that is wrong and only hurting myself. I think I am afraid to come to my full potential, it's scary to think what I could possibly be and not want to put in the work to become that person. I think you're brave for putting yourself out there. I admire you for your ability to share your feelings adn emotions so openly, it's something that isn't my strength but I am working on it.
I love that picture of you, like the many others who have commented I thought how beautiful you looked and how comfortable you are with yourself. Jessie and I were saying that many people who are thin and just perfect and beautiful in the world's eyes are not beautiful at all because of the person that they are on the inside but truly beautiful people are comfortable with themselves inside and out. I see you as a truly beautiful person on the inside and on the outside.

Anonymous said...

I just got that book a week ago and have had little time to sit and absorb it- loving it so far though. All thanks to you and Michelle for pointing it out.

I am totally guilty of being judgmental far too often. I hope I am getting better as I get older and see that everyone has their own issues and insecurities and I am in no position to pass judgment. It is hard though- I just keep telling myself that whoever is doing the best they can for what cards they have been dealt and who knows what I would do in the same situation. I try to open my mind to be happy for them or learn from them.

The picture of you is beautiful- you are such a good person and have so much to teach others and I am glad that I am on the learning end. Thank you for your deep thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Jill, wonderful post. And I like your picture. I have found that in my 30s now that I may not physically be what I was in my early 20s, I am a lot more comfortable in my skin too. I think the friends I have now have a lot to do with that.

Women can be horrible to each other. Nobody wins the race, especially not us, when we are fighting to be on top instead of pulling others along. As we get older, some of us grow out of that and learn to stop racing. I tend to gravitate to them, real people. People who don't put on a super-sweet smile, but knock you down the second you're gone. It is those high school clichey friends that make us insecure.

Friends that tell us the truth, whether it's what we want to hear or not, are priceless. We should seek friends that inspire us to be better people and make us happy to be who we are. My friends are all people I know I can trust what they say and I don't feel I have to impress them, and I hope they think the same about me.

Thank you for your beautiful post.

Amanda said...

Wow, I am glad I happened to link to your blog today and read this post. Being critical and jealous is definately something I can be when I am not at my best, and something I fear in others. It seems to be so much more of a problem for women than for men and I am sure there are a million reasons for this.
I have been working on a great many personal goals over the past year and have discovered that so much of my success or failure in life depends on the degree to which I am being honest with myself...about what my motivations really are, what I am really doing and what I really care about. When I am really true to myself about these things I find it bothers me less what other people think, or if I think others are right or wrong. I am still working on this, sometimes I can't quite handle all the honesty. But I am working on it and I am becoming happier and more contented as i do.
I think you should be proud that you posted your picture. It is great. I have a really hard time with pictures of myself, I don't know why, but have since I was a little girl. I cringe at even the thought of having my picture taken and looking at pictures of myself will literally bring me to the brink of an anxiety attack. Which I think is sad for lots of reasons, but especially now that I have children they may one day like to have a nice picture of them with thier mother. I actually have some wonderful (and appropriate) pictures of Asher, Bevan and I in the hospital right after he was born...but no one has ever seen them because I am to afraid to show them! Maybe I will get wild and post them on his first birthday.

Angie said...

Beautiful post! I love your thoughts put into words. After reading this O had an AH-HA moment. You truly have a gift with words and that is what makes all of us so blessed to have some sort of relationship with you.

I love this picture of you and love that you posted it. I love when I read soemone's blog and they have picture of themself because it makes me relate better when I see their smiles.

I love the movie but, too was a bit disturbed when we sat down to watch it as a family and the swear words came out. I also love that quote and how it makes me think about things differently.

Great post!

amy gretchen said...

This is a really cool post. I love the both quotes.

I think one of the reasons why we don't put our best self forward is because it's hard. I think it's really easy for us to just be lazy about the things in our life we want to change and instead of doing something about it we end up coping. Doing what we can to get by. Who wants to be uncomfortable right? Well I believe life is suppose to be uncomfortable at times. I don't think happiness just magically comes. I think you have to work for it. It's something I feel I am beginning to finally understand. It's so true...The only person that can make my life great is me. Only me.

Thanks for giving me something to really ponder on. I love that you shared a picture of yourself.

Anonymous said...

jill, i LOVE this! thank you for being real enough to share it (and your photo too, which is beautiful). i find that when i'm critical of others, it's because i'm really disliking something about myself and i also find that it always makes me feel worse. whether i admit to it or not.

i've thought a lot about why we - especially as women - are so critical of others. and why do we find it so hard to be comfortable just being us? imagine if we collectively spent that energy creating lives we love and creating value for others...what a different world we'd live in. i know we can do it. it just takes practice.

i've found that when i catch myself thinking these things i say to myself that they are big fat weeds in my thought garden and i can't afford to have them there. somehow i try to visualize myself pulling them up and tossing them. it helps.

my thoughts on this are scattered and so i'm grateful for your sharing...you really are a very talented writer and i love reading your posts. thank you!

Price Cream Parlor said...

I love this post! I love that these quotes were your springboard for your post today. I love the photo of you! You have the most beautiful piercing blue eyes! How fabulous! I must tell you, since we don't know each other at all - the reason why I loved to lurk on your blog is because I loved your thoughts and how you express youself so that many of us can instantly relate to you and instantly want to be your friend! Love that! That is a huge gift/talent that you must have.
Thanks for the insight and interesting thoughts to ponder today!