Disturbing on Several Levels

Whitney hung this on the fridge last week causing Randy and I to wonder where we went so wrong and if the parent police were on their way...our small comforts are that she took some liberties with these suggestions and didn't base them too closely on real life (otherwise Lucky Charms would have been in there somewhere).

**What's your most shameful meal?
Any kid-pleasing menu ideas?
Are parent police moments lately?**

Comment Window Tidbit: Today is such a warm, gorgeously spring day I can't imagine anyone not feeling giddy about it.

Wordless Wednesday

Comment Window Tidbit: The kids went back to school yesterday, but poor Landon only made it 2.5 hours before he needed to go home. He's staying home again today! Poor kid.

What The?

We have always considered it one of our best blessings that our kids very rarely get sick. Even when they do get sick, it's usually so minor that it's barely a blip on the radar. But this time has been different and both kids ended up coming down with the bad cold (fever, headache, cough, runny nose) that's been going around (the junior high sounds like a TB ward so I'm practically O.C.D. about washing my hands).

It has been so strange to have them home and out of it since last Wednesday! We thought they were on the mend when they surfaced for Bella's birthday/game night Saturday night, but we kept them home from church yesterday and were surprised when they ended up staying pretty mellow, taking naps and going to bed early. We thought they'd be ready to go back to school today (with a cough and runny nose), but they were both in bad shape again this morning. It is just crazy that they missed 4 days of school! These are the first days Landon has missed all year!


This was the set up from Wednesday morning until Saturday...we blew up the air mattress for Whitney, made a bed on the couch for Landon, hung blankets over the curtains to reduce the glare on the TV, had boxes of tissues, blankets, water bottles and a bowl nearby just in case (luckily it didn't end up being that kind of sickness).

I spent several hours on Saturday disinfecting everything, washing blankets and pillow cases and airing out the house before hosting a family party, but it looks like I'm going to need to do all of that again.


I found this note on the counter today (apparently Whitney drew it for Randy yesterday) and think it's hilarious that she took the time to draw this rather than just filling up her own water bottle! I think she has enjoyed having us wait on her while she's been sick.


The kids have spent 99% of their time watching movies on TV and sleeping, but Landon finally felt well enough to sit up and read today. For me the only good thing about being sick is reading in the cozy, apparently the kids haven't grasped the beauty of that yet.


This afternoon Whitney was sitting on one of the bar stools while I was in the kitchen, then I looked over and she was gone. I found her lying on the floor because it was too exhausting to sit up! She actually sat up to hide when I grabbed my camera, but it was pretty funny to see her randomly sprawled on the dining room floor.


The hamsters are nocturnal so they're quite noisy as they eat and run in their wheels during the night. Usually the kids don't mind, but since sleep is such a big deal right now we've been moving the cages to the laundry room for the night. I like the hamsters, but this is not my favorite thing.

I apologize for another riveting post from the house of sick. I may have to stop blogging if something interesting doesn't happen soon, this is ridiculous!

**Have you been sick recently?
Do your kids miss much school?
Do you disinfect like crazy?
Do you like to read when you're sick?**

Comment Window Tidbit: I read out loud to the kids this afternoon for 3.5 hours! That is totally unprecedented! We read the 2nd half of Zombikins and the entire last Diary of a Wimpy Kid book (I laughed so hard I cried).

Sunday Thoughts

I went visiting teaching this week and was once again reminded that I am the one who ends up being taught even though I was the one who showed up with the Ensign in hand to give the lesson. I just never know where the conversation is going to go or how I'm going to end up being touched when I find out what the women we teach (or teach with) are going through. It ends up making me feel full of love for them and like I want to be doing more for them to really be a comfort and support (even though lately I feel like I'm the one who needs the comfort and support). Also, my new companion (as of the last 3 months) is a big hugger and always hugs the women we teach as we're leaving their home. Well this month at the end of one of our visits (where I'd told them about my month from Hell) she hugged me for real (a strong, solid, 10 second hug) and reduced to me to tears. It felt good to have someone say some words of comfort and to hold me up for a little while. I felt like such a little kid in that moment, and it was a relief to feel that way.

After that visit I felt inspired to start reading No Doubt About It by Sheri Dew. I've read parts of it before and have had it on my shelf for quite awhile, but after that appointment I felt absolutely drawn to it. And as I've been reading it, and marking passages like crazy, I have felt so relieved and like it is exactly what I need to boost me up right now. This past month of feeling so out of control and unlike myself has really thrown me for a loop and had me questioning what I'm really made of and if mortality is too much for me (embarrassing but true), so reading this passage was especially powerful.

"Noble and great. Courageous and determined. Faithful and fearless. That is who you are and who you have always been. And understanding it can change your life, because this knowledge carries a confidence that cannot be duplicated any other way." (page 42)

I don't feel noble and great, courageous, determined, faithful (maybe a little) and certainly not fearless, but I do know that the gospel is true and that I choose to come to Earth to prove myself and that with the Lord's help I can make it through whatever comes my way (though I feel far more daunted than a faithful girl should).

"Can you, imagine that God, who knew us perfectly, reserved us to come now, when the stakes would be higher and the opposition more intense than ever? Can you see that He sent us at a time when He would need women who would raise and lead a righteous generation in the most lethal spiritual environment? Can you imagine that He chose us because He knew we would be fearless in building Zion?" (page 41)

I think this book is going to serve as my spiritual IV as I get back on my feet.

**Thoughts??**

Comment Window Tidbit: I had a 2 hour meeting AFTER church today which means my tailbone may never recover!

Miscellaneous

All of these pictures were on the smaller camera I keep in my purse, so they didn't get loaded on the computer until today.


Amie and I hadn't gotten together or even called each other (what the?) in a couple months (but have stayed in touch through our blogs) but then she brought me lunch at school one day. It was so good to see her and catch up a bit, but the half hour I have for lunch flies by so quickly that I literally felt like I had to eat, spew crumbs and run!


Jenn came to rescue Landon and I one day after school when we were having car woes. She also brought me a Turtle Brownie that day, but somehow I failed to take a picture of it (I am so not myself these days).


My mom brought me lunch the very next day (it was a good week of company).


This is what it looks like for the hour I sit having my IV treatment. I try to be rather Zen about the whole thing, but it's difficult with phone calls (Whitney gets home from school while I'm there), and the busyness and noises of the hospital make it hard to relax.


My mom and Ashley brought me lunch again a couple weeks after the other time.

Surprisingly, I think work has actually helped me through all this iron-deficiency business because it has forced me to be out and about when all I wanted to do was try to sleep. It has given me purpose and been a 6 hour distraction each day as I have tried to keep my anxiety through all of this under control. I would have preferred not to have learned to be grateful for my job this way, but the lesson has been learned and I AM grateful!

Comment Window Tidbit: We need to have a major disinfecting/cleaning day after having the kids home sick for 3 days this week!

Baffling to Me

Last Saturday while Whitney was at Adam and Amy's house for a sleepover with the cousins I decided to take advantage of feeling better by cleaning under the futon. This is a picture of all the stuff shoved under there (of course it was all Whitney's stuff!)! Even though I know she needs to learn how to clean and organize for herself, this is one of those jobs that goes better if she's not here to scrutinize my decisions, because the majority of this stuff went into the recycling bin. I decided that our main issue is that she is always creating things, but then can't bear to let them go...luckily I CAN bear to let them go.

I also cleaned out the floor of the closet, which held far more stuff than the small square footage should be able to hold. When she got home that night I informed her that she will be the one cleaning under the bed and the hall closet very soon...heaven help me!

**How often do you do clean outs like this?
Do you find yourself muttering in disbelief?**

Comment Window Tidbit: The kids stayed home sick again today, but I only missed my first class of the day in order to make sure they were well enough for me to leave. They are such easygoing kids and have basically slept and watched movies for two days.

Wordless Wednesday

Comment Window Tidbit: Both the kids woke up sick this morning (very rare) so I ended up staying home with them and spent most of the day dozing on the couch. I guess we all needed to rest.

Serendipity

I ALWAYS have a book with me at school because I read in the car every day at lunch and I sometimes end up with time to read during a class. Actually on "B" days (which I don't really enjoy) I go to an English class that starts out with 20 minutes of reading, and this is often my favorite part of that school day.


Well, a couple weeks ago when I was particularly out of sorts with all this iron-deficiency business I forgot to put my book in my bag (#$@!). I found myself in that English class with nothing to read (aye carumba) and ended up borrowing a book from the teacher. Of course, her shelves are stocked with tons of Young Adult literature, but I was still bummed not to have my book with me. I ended up borrowing The Secret Garden, because somehow I missed reading that during my childhood.

I was hooked instantly and ended up borrowing the book (for more than just the 20 minutes of class reading time) so I could finish it. It has been a pure delight. I loved pretty much everything about it except for the Yorkshire speak which I kept messing up as I tried to pronounce it in my head.

But the excitement for spring and for gardening was totally contagious and so fun to read at this time of year when everything is waking up.

There were lots of great quotes, but I didn't mark them since it wasn't my book. This is one that I happened to remember the page number (131).

"Is the spring come?" he said, "What is it like? You don't see it in rooms if you are ill."

"It is the sun shining on the rain and the rain falling on the sunshine, and things pushing up and working under the earth," said Mary.

Isn't that a fantastic way of describing spring?

**Have you read this book?
Do you love Spring?**

Comment Window Tidbit: I had my 3rd IV treatment today and got a nasty-looking bruise around the injection site...ew.

Scenes from Game Night

We've been having weekly game nights this past month and it has been a good time. We almost always have at least one huge laugh (provided by Adam of course) that makes the entire night worthwhile. It is usually in poor taste (bowel-related) but he has such a way of telling a story that he always has us in tears.


This what the kids' room looked like after Megan and Olivia had been playing, then watched a movie and abandoned the bowl of remaining popcorn kernels...actually not too bad.


Tess and Ashley watched Pink Panther (the old ones) dvds most of the evening and both sacked out around 9:00pm. It's not uncommon to have kids watching a movie in the family room, kids' bedroom AND on the computer! That's rather ridiculous for a group of 8 children but it works.

**Do you laugh at bowel-related humor?
Do you ever watch the old Pink Panther cartoons?
Have you laughed really hard recently?**

Comment Window Tidbit: I made Parmesan chicken for dinner, but didn't eat. I just can't get interested in chicken for dinner.

Sunday Thoughts

I got to hear Sister Beck speak yesterday at a multi-Stake Relief Society gathering and once again came away feeling uplifted and motivated. She spoke for awhile and then took questions from the crowd (like she did when I heard her speak in January). She is so totally in tune with the Spirit that she is able to turn directly to the scripture she needs to answer the question and she is also able to reply to the question brilliantly despite being put on the spot in front of hundreds of people. I took 7 pages of notes, and even though she mentioned several things I've heard her mention before, I came away with a greater understanding of them.


Here are a few highlights from my notes (there are too many to post).

• We're ordinary people who have been given huge responsibilities and we have to figure out a way to do things.
• Relief Society isn't a program, it's a way of life.
• We teach each other how to live the gospel.
• Relief Society is an invitation to become disciples of Christ.
• We are expected to lead and to serve in the church.
• Our goal is a life of discipleship.
• We are here to take care of each other.
• The story of Mary and Martha is often misunderstood, Martha welcomed the Savior into her home and she served Him so she was still doing what the Lord wanted her to do.

One of the questions asked was "How can we help our sisters across the world who have less than we do?" Sister Beck gave so many fantastic answers and really changed the way I am going to think about teaching in my home and at church.

• We can help by raising up missionaries in our homes, primary classes and Young Women's organization.
• Every time a missionary goes out we are increasing faith in the world.
• Every time you go to the temple or prepare others to go you are helping the world.
• We can give to the Humanitarian Fund, pay our tithes and offerings, donate to the Perpetual Education Fund.
• All the ordinary things we do are actually big things.
• Blogging is an opportunity to share the gospel and what we know to be true.
• We can lead the women of the world in all that is good.

At one point she said that we should say to ourselves, "I will pray, I will read, I will seek the Spirit and I will get through this." That totally hit home with me and all I've been struggling with lately, it seems like it could be a mantra for all of us. We know we need to align with the Lord by praying and reading the scriptures daily, and that by doing so we are able to lie by the Spirit and better handle the things that come our way. Is just wish I didn't have to learn this lesson over and over and over again.

**Thoughts??**

Comment Window Tidbit: It was so nice to feel coherent and awake at church today, and it feels great to be able to do a Sunday Thoughts post again!

Book Clubbing

We gathered at Amy's house last Tuesday evening to have our March book club discussion and to to celebrate both Collette and Michelle's 40th birthday.


Amy had a fit of creativity in her freshly-cleaned (and awesome) studio, so she made the tissue paper flowers for a centerpiece, the birthday banner for the dining room wall and cute gift certificate holders for both girls.

Cute eh?

Jenn made a beautiful trifle for dessert and had to get creative in order to transport it safely.


Amy, Jenn and Jana handled all the food for this occasion since we never assign anything to the birthday girl(s) and because they wanted to give me a break since my iron-situation has kicked my butt so badly. I really appreciated having the night off, especially because I'd had my 2nd IV treatment that day and was feeling anxious and exhausted.

As the night went on and I heard the updates on their lives I felt some guilt for letting them double up on food assignments...they've all got big stuff going on in their lives too.


After dinner we retired to the basement to Amy's theater room to continue talking and to eventually discuss the book. We recently moved our starting time to 6:30 in an effort not to get home so late, but Collette and I didn't pack it in until 11:00 (the other girls stayed a bit later).


We all loved this month's book and would highly recommend it. I fell in love with it early on and found myself continually thinking "this is charming". I loved the writing style and the characters, it was a fun book to read (and has a great cover).

**Have you read this book?
Have you ever made trifle?
Does everyone you know have
major stuff going on in their lives right now?**

Comment Window Tidbit: I tried to sleep without taking an Ambien last night and ended up having a terrible night of drifting off into a fitful sleep of bizarre dreams only to wake up in a panic an hour or so later and then would repeat the cycle. I don't know if I'm trying to resume normal sleep too early or what, but I can't have another night of that kind of stressful, nonsleeping.

Five for Friday

1. Whitney art-directed Randy again this week and suggested he draw her name as a thought bubble.


2. Our block calendar stayed like this for over a day before I even remembered that there was no February 29th this year! I was feeling so out of it I didn't even notice.


3. Spring is coming and our tulips are starting to poke out of the ground; for me this is both a sign of spring AND a sign that Women's Conference is coming!


4. We're trying to help Whitney get ready for soccer season so as to avoid seeing her jog her way through the season (I'm not coaching this year). Landon has been helping her (complete with a whistle) by leading her in stretches and various drills; she is a willing participant but is definitely not in hustle mode right now.


5. Landon recently joined the track team at the junior high and has been training with the distance runners. We finally got him some real running shoes (as opposed to the Skater Boy shoes he ran in for the first week) and he is really loving it. I'm amazed by what he can do and am so happy that he gets to be a part of this. He is going to be in the best shape of his life when soccer season starts in a few weeks.

Comment Window Tidbit: I have felt pretty good today, woohoo and thank heaven for that.

Sweet Fancy Moses

This afternoon I experienced my first burst of energy in 23 days! (Which have been the longest 23 days I've ever experienced.) With this new sense of well-being I was able to get some groceries and gas, unload them (this is no small thing when you've been without energy for a long time), did some laundry, documented my recent good mail, dusted, called Lori just to talk (I've been anti-phone through all of this), called my dad for his birthday, vacuumed the house, AND went for a walk with Landon! What in the world?!! I am so excited! I'm starting to remember that I like to do things after all. It feels miraculous!

Side note: While on our half hour long walk Landon and I saw at least 6 cats, a huge pheasant, 4 deer, numerous horses, several dogs and two goats.

Comment Window Tidbit: I really hope this burst of energy is going to be a permanent thing!

So Here's The Thing

As euphoric as I am to be reconnected to email, blogging and the outside world through the laptop, I'm still not feeling great and am still lacking the desire to do much (this makes for riveting blogging).

I had my 2nd IV treatment yesterday, which I assume went well because I didn't experience any pain or sickness as a result. Though I did have some serious anxiety and antsyness at book club last night and felt extremely tired today at school. I feel like I literally pray myself through every day since this started (even more than I used to already) and seriously feel like I'm taking everything I have to do one step at a time until I get through it.

I was so tired during the first two classes at school today that I didn't know if I'd be able to make it through the last two classes. I ended up lying down in the back seat of my car for 15 minutes of my lunch break (thank heaven today was my early lunch day!) so I could be horizontal for a little while and regroup.

I fully expect to feel fantastic some day soon and then perhaps my sense of humor and desire to do more than the bare minimum will return, because this really sucks. It's very disconcerting not to feel like myself. Serenity now.

**What are you reading?
What do you wish you didn't have to do?
Is your sense of humor in tact?**

Comment Window Tidbit: It's very weird not to want to do anything.

Baby Stepping

One of Randy's co-workers was able to get our laptop working, so as of now I am online once again! This feels like a miracle in many ways and I am looking forward to reconnecting with the outside world again. I still have limited creative abilities since all of our big programs are on our main computer, which is still in a coma, so I don't know when I will be able to create my 12 on the 12th collage, a new blog banner, cards or good mail labels.

As for the iron-deficiency situation, I am on the mend but oh so slowly. I had my first IV treatment last Tuesday and really wanted it to work like Spinach does for Popeye, but instead they told me it could take up to two weeks for my body to make new red blood cells. Apparently iron helps create new red blood cells and those cells are crucial for carrying oxygen to the heart, hence my constant state of feeling exhausted and like I can't get a deep enough breath! It has been awful. This whole experience has made me feel so empathetic for those who suffer with major health problems regularly and has really made me feel vulnerable (not my favorite feeling).

I'm definitely NOT back to my normal self, but am feeling like resuming normal life is in my future (that feels huge right now).

**So how have you been?**

12 on the 12th--March 2011

Michelle was kind enough to make this collage for me since I'm having computer woes...hence I'm posting it a month late.



01. Landon cleaning the hamster cage first thing in the morning.
02. Dropping Whitney off at a Stake Activity Day function.
03. I had to make a chocolate bundt cake for a wedding.
04. I vacuumed.
05. Landon sold golf balls he'd cleaned up and made $32.
06. Wearing my new word for the year necklace.
07. Our self-portrait before going out for Michelle's 40th birthday.
08. Lunch at The Outback.
09. Our ticket stubs from "Unknown".
10. I stopped by Lori's and found her putting her new treadmill together with Robyn.
11. I came home to this humorous good mail envelope from Ashley.
12. Randy drying Whitney's hair before bed.

Life on Hold

Once again, I'm at a borrowed computer (this time Lori's) in order to check my email (94 since Saturday, most of which were crap) and do a quick blog post.

Computers Viruses 2: Stuarts 0

We're still technologically challenged and it's driving me crazy. I did NOT need a break from the computer, am NOT enjoying being cut off from things, and am disturbed by how many times a day I think "Oh, I need to look that up on the computer." Aargh!

Iron IV Update

I had my first (of at least 4) Iron IV treatments yesterday and all went well. I sat in a recliner in a little room in the IV Therapy Center at the hospital close to my home for an hour as a Iron dripped from a bag through a needle into my arm. I was relieved it didn't hurt, didn't taste bad and didn't give me a headache (they said that was a possibility). I ended up going to a Relief Society activity (I'm on the committee) from 5:30-9:50 and felt fine, so that was a huge blessing. While at the activity my cute Sunday School teaching partner (an 80ish year old widow) informed me that she and the other "Golden Girls" (the widows in our ward) prayed for me Monday night while they had Family Home Evening together (after she told them what was going on with me). This bit of information brought me to tears and comforted me greatly. It has been a hard thing to feel so anxious, tired and unwell these past two weeks (it feels like it has been months!); it is humbling to feel so out of control.

Thanks for all the kind comments, thoughts, prayers and cards, they are hugely appreciated!

An Update

Michelle and I are having Creative Friday today (Saturday) so I'm taking the opportunity to use her computer to do a quick post and to check my email (both of these things are now luxuries). I've been doing okay and was able to work the rest of the week. The result of my blood work is that I have insanely low Iron...who knew? I hadn't been feeling run down or weird before the night of torture, so I think it's strange that this is the result. I don't have the paper with Iron and Ferritin totals on it here with me, but they were disturbingly low so the doctor has ordered I.V. treatments once a week for 4 weeks, then we'll retest things and go from there. The bummer is that I don't go in until next Tuesday after work, so I get to keep feeling this way. Things have been better the last few days, but I'm definitely NOT myself, still need the Ambien to stay asleep and often feel flushed with adrenaline. It's grim for sure and not something I would like to have to live with long term. Good times.

**Have you experienced this?**

absenteeism

This is Michelle posting for Jill.

She just wanted me to let you all know that their laptop computer has apparently contracted a virus as well, so she will be unable to blog or check email for awhile.

Because being disconnected is obviously just what she needs right now as she's struggling in other ways. Good grief. Maybe she'll have an influx of good mail!

Also, FYI, she doesn't have any answers from the doctor yet and is waiting as patiently as possible.